The truly joyous moment Nigel Farage realises he's going to spend most of his time at the US Congress having his arse handed to him by people who know exactly how much of a twat he is.

All these right wing patriots fervently putting flags up everywhere seems somehow familiar...

Imagine you want to row from France to England and you can choose route A) 22 miles to Dover, or route B) 120 miles to Great Yarmouth. Rupert Lowe thinks people would choose B. Rupert is an idiot.

As well as raking in £977,000 from his ten side jobs, Nigel Farage also got £98,709 in gifts during the last year. Man of the people, or greedy grifting gobshite?

To those talking about 'Brexit surrender' - talk to this dipshit. He's the one who negotiated the biggest act of self-harm in our history, selling out farming & fishing, erecting huge barriers to trade and making everyone worse off. Just because he fancied a bash at being PM. Twat.

And it wasn’t just the Crick… we had huge institutional expertise in the UK as the pandemic washed up on our shores, and it was all buried. Buried beneath no plan, and then a plan that would involve companies with no track record pocketing our past taxes and future taxes.

$2.2trillion dollars were wiped off international stock markets today. Trump is making Liz Truss look like a fiscal genius.

Please remember that Rupert Lowe is innocent until proven guilty. Just like his fellow Reform MP James McMurdock was, right up until he was sent to prison.

Now we go live to Reform UK headquarters.

The best thing about all this is that Putin apologist and Trump sycophant Nigel Farage has finally shut the fuck up.

President Zelensky will meet King Charles at Sandringham tomorrow. A spokesman for the King said the purpose of the meeting was "to annoy the fuck out of that dreadful orange shithead"

Less than 20% of Germans voted for Nazis. Compared to nearly 50% of Americans.

Trump has just fired nearly 7,000 Internal Revenue Service staff, whose job is to crack down on tax evasion. Coincidentally, those most likely to benefit are billionaire tax cheats.

The Telegraph once again nails the most pressing issue of the day for most people.

Despite the fact that Reform MPs are always shouting about immigration, not one of them could be arsed to turn up for the debate on the Border Security Bill last night. Probably exhausted after a hard day cosplaying at being farmers.

Today’s trivia question is: why did the grifting gobshite dress up as a farmer?

I have sacked Andrew Gwynne for sending sexist and racist messages. I told him if he wants to do that sort of thing he will have to join Reform.

Reform are panicking about people pointing out that they want to replace the NHS. So please don't share this clip of Nigel Farage saying he'd rather healthcare was done through insurance companies.

That's right Liz, it was the plastic straws that lost Tories the election. Not the lies, corruption, incompetence, law breaking, higher taxes, tanked economy, increased poverty, sleaze scandals or rivers full of shit.

Hands up if you're a lying grifter who fucked the country!

Freedom my arse. It was your fucking deal - you agreed it and boasted about - and it was shit, you shameless, lying, self-serving charlatan.

To those saying “It’s not the Brexit I voted for”, you voted for an impossible fantasy, sold to you by grifting gobshites with no interest in reality or what was actually possible. You got exactly what you voted for.

Calvin Robinson sacked (again) for impersonating his Fuhrer, Elon Musk. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

Kemi Badenoch is starting to get the hang of PMQs. She now takes hardly any time at all to show how useless she is.

A narcissist, an idiot and a Nazi walk into a bar. The barman says "Good evening Mr Musk".

Just had a very positive first phone call with Donald Trump, in which he pretended to know who I was and I pretended he wasn't a mad fascist bastard.

But not a Nazi.

Glad to see Laura Kuenssberg has Nadhim Zahawi on. It's so important to hear the views of someone who claimed £6,000 to heat his stables, hid £27m offshore to avoid tax and threatened to sue anyone who asked questions.

That's weird, I'm hearing story after story of how your party spent 14 years increasing child poverty, doubling homelessness, trebling national debt, wasting £8.7bn on dodgy PPE, raising taxes to a record high and filling our rivers with shit.

Extreme wealth is extreme control. Never has this been so clear. Well we don’t have to settle for it. In our letter to Davos leaders, 370+ millionaires & billionaires say we must draw the line. Protect ppl, planet, & democracy: rein in extreme wealth & tax us, the super rich.

Now that we know giving a running commentary on the Southport murders could have jeopardised the trial and resulted in the killer walking free, I’m sure Nigel Farage will apologise for being a shit-stirring fuckwit. Any time now… Just you wait… ...

Say what you like about the Americans, but they know how to stage an inauguration.

I'm sure there's a name for people who cheer on foreign powers against their own country. And it isn't patriots.

So Isabel Oakeshott is living in Dubai. I hope she isn't going to be one of those annoying immigrants who stick to their own culture and language instead of integrating.

Whereas when he was in power we were run by a small cabal of incompetent, self-serving, lying fuckwits.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

Nigel Farage earned £571,585 from his nine outside jobs in six months - more than 10 times his MP salary for the same period. Truly a man of the people.

Poor Nigel Farage - losing $100m and 25% of his council seats in the same week.

Now we know why Donald Trump was so keen to end the war in Ukraine. So he can focus on starting wars in Greenland, Panama and Canada.

Nigel Farage launches a new fundraising campaign.

The moron can't even spell the name of the country he wants to be in charge of.

A Tesla Cybertruck just exploded outside Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas. You couldn't wish for a better metaphor for the next Trump government.

People who don't deserve an honour: London's longest serving Mayor. People who do: Gavin Williamson, Evgeny Lebedev, Charlotte Owen, Toby Young, Therese Coffey, Jacob Rees Mogg, Oliver Dowden, David Frost, Chris Grayling...

Just when you thought you couldn't laugh any more at this genius, today he was sentenced to two years and six months.

Kemi Badenoch said we were about to “give away our Brexit freedoms”. Presumably she means the freedom to increase red tape, reduce GDP by 4%, treble immigration, put up barriers to trade, tarnish our international reputation and remove the right to live and work abroad.

Laura Kuenssberg: "We'll never know whether the Rwanda plan would have worked" After it ran for over two years, cost £700m and resulted in 3 volunteers being paid to leave.

Fuck. Off.

To whoever is advising Kemi Badenoch on what questions to ask at #PMQs - thank you so much for the excellent work you are doing for Labour. Much appreciated! 😂

Property tycoon Nick Candy has joined Reform as their Treasurer. He is perhaps best known for partying during lockdown, so he should fit right in.

Concern grows for Telegraph journalist as he suffers complete amnesia about Boris Johnson and Liz Truss.