She thinks she’s a lawyer, but she didn’t even go to college

Deeply hungover 🥲

Who Wore It Better?

*to the tune of pocketful of sunshine* I got a closet, got a closet full of nothing

I was sitting outside a bar in Soho last night having a few drinks with some friends when a stranger came up to us and asked me to mind her dog so she could use the toilet at a nearby [redacted] store. Then she came back a few minutes later with a bunch of stolen umbrellas???

Woke up at 5:30am to go to the gym before work

I’m gonna need another weekend starting tomorrow please

The Veronicas!!!! I just screamed

🥁 Hottest 100 of Australian songs: #27 #Hottest100 #AusHottest100 #NowPlaying#Hottest100🕔 5:07 pm 🎵 Can't Get You Out Of My Head 🧑‍🎤 Kylie Minogue 💿 Fever 🎧 Apple Music / Spotify / YouTube Music

🥁 Hottest 100 of Australian songs: #76 #AusHottest100 #NowPlaying#AusHottest100🕛 12:26 pm 🎵 4ever 🧑‍🎤 The Veronicas 💿 The Secret Life Of... 🎧 Apple Music / Spotify / YouTube Music 📝 Lyrics

The last couple of episodes of Andor season 2 are a bit anticlimactic hey

When he takes off his clothes and I’m disappointed to realise he’s circumcised, but I’m being very brave about it:

Instagram saw it first (and made it one of my most liked stories ever lmao)

hi gay!

Slinky cat is sleepy

Playing this while I’m in the shower just to feel something youtu.be/y6wLcx7AkRM?...

Finally watching Andor season 2 and this trade route sounds right up my street

This is the most Fridayest Thursday ever 🥲

He stayed close to me all day because he knew I had a cold and was feeling rubbish 🥺

I just got two tattoos at a press event lmao

Why you can’t see rainbows under the rubble. My latest for the Guardian. 🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ 🔗 www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

I just kicked a football back 😌

How it feels to play Mario Kart on the original Switch now that Switch 2 is out

Seeing Kylie tomorrow is the only thing getting me through having to work the bank holiday today 🥲

*insert Celine Dion here*

Left the house an hour earlier for work this morning and why did nobody tell me this was the time all the caked up runners in shorts came out?

I finished Julia Fox’s memoir today and she really spilled when she said it was a masterpiece! Genuinely can’t stop thinking about it

KAN, Israel’s Eurovision broadcaster, has formally apologised to Armenia after their commentators made an offensive joke during Armenia’s performance:

That’s that me sunday scaries

This is honestly probably my favorite Simpsons bit

PSA: Sainsbury’s has now excluded protein shakes from the meal deal 😒

Mood

This may be a stupid question, but why are we seeing the anti-Trump effect in countries like Australia and Canada (who both just re-elected centre-left parties) but not here in the UK? How is Reform topping so many opinion polls?

I can confirm that walking home tipsy while listening to the new Lorde song is an absolute viiiiibe

Every time I go on holiday, I tell myself I’m going to pack early… guess who is still up packing for their flight to Berlin in the morning?

Anyone been to Kit Kat in Berlin? What does one wear 🙈

Why is the audience booing Trisha? And why has she been evicted? What have I missed?! #CBB

I won 😌

Listening to Donkey Kong’s aquatic ambience track while I work just to ~feel~ something

Gorgeous weekend full of spa treatments at a luxury hotel in the Cotswolds 🥂

So… anyone going to Gaga on Thursday 2 October? I only managed to get one ticket by myself but hey, at least I’m going 😮‍💨

I found out today that I’m getting last minute wisdom tooth removal surgery tomorrow morning

I just had to close instagram because people’s stories celebrating getting Gaga tickets bummed me out

God I love shorts season 👀

Little menace

Reminder: there’s still time to submit an essay, short memoir or any other form of creative non-fiction in the open call for my next queer Arab anthology 📚 Deadline: April 10 Yes, submissions by writers using a pen name for safety reasons will be considered. Feel free to re-post/forward to contacts

Avani 💔 #EastEnders

Back at work tomorrow after two weeks off

Guess who’s in Singapore waiting to board a flight to Heathrow right now 🥲