Why don't pools have a big mesh like a McDonalds deep fryer inside that they can lift up to pull everyone above water We could strategically name it the Idiot Cage so people don't get too comfortable with the immense safety it would provide

If I don't get the new AirPods with the heart rate monitor how will I know my heart is still beating Thank you Tim Apple

Remembering when my middle school art teacher kicked me out into the hallway for the rest of class, because my drawing of the person next to me was so bad that she refused to believe I wasn't trying to troll her and I couldn't stop laughing

Sometimes I feel very out of touch with games when power washing, being a janitor, and working at a grocery store games are among the most popular

Sharing one last time as the month is almost over!! Get any of my albums for $2 for the next two days! 🎵✨

You could be all by yourself and if you even whisper the word "bidet" someone is gonna appear behind you and start telling you how their ass fountain changed their life and how you absolutely have to get one

I went to Cracker Barrel one time, it was like if you turned a confederate wax museum into a restaurant that served high school cafeteria food

Glad I wasn't the only one wondering

My Lovely Pets: Join Alice as she uses a big fuckin magnifying glass to find her presumably lovely puppy, kitten, and racoon, which she lost at a renaissance festival during christmas or maybe spring, while an insidious glowing cockatoo cooks her alive

Me on Shark Tank: Ok so imagine macaroni but they're huge and there's only like 5 in the box. Allow me to introduce to you: Megaroni.

I regret to inform you that you have been eated

"Made with sea salt" Like I'm supposed to be impressed that you found salt in the sea, get real

How did the Bsky spam bots know these are my 3 favorite topics??

I like to keep a fun timeline and don't want to be another preach-to-the-choir, political barf, like-farming account here, but maintaining a Twitter account is sus at this point If you're staying there for your audience, know that your audience is staying there for you Posting more poop jokes soon

Google wasn't 100% sure if this was spam cause I give off nipple smoocher vibes I guess

Squid Game S2 + S3 review: Honestly just don't

Had a dream where my dead grandmother told me I'm cringe

Eye see you

🚨 I'm doing my 1st ever charity stream for @gamersoutreach.org & I have some fun goals to hit!🚨 www.twitch.tv/maknch3esy #VtuberSS2025 #Vtuber #CharityStream

Netflix never failing to deliver hard hitting content directly to my eyeballs, where is the CEO so I can give him another raise

I post one toilet paper joke and people already figured out I'm being paid by Big Potty

I don't want a "copilot", I've been jet blasting through the neo cyberverse solo just fine, trained from years as a wee child soldier who was forced to survive the electronic jungle of the world wide web while relentlessly hunted by meatspin GIFs

Toof

Karma is when I stole a roll of toilet paper from mom's house and it feels like she bought it from goddam Home Depot, instead of 2 ply I got 400 grit

You guys know how I mentioned i was gonna raise money for the ACLU? Let's just say, I'm not alone, and this has turned into a big event with over a dozen different vtubers involved. Here's the campaign link, with more info as well. Also remember, #NoKings tiltify.com/+vtubers-aga...

The only king I acknowledge

When the music alone makes you want to buy a game

Watching Love, Death + Robots S4 and fucking MrBeast appeared CEASE this abominable timeline we have created, if this life is a simulation I demand a reset with a new seed

Drank one of my nephew's Capri Suns and had flashbacks to elementary and middle school cafeterias Call that CapriTSD

Blood work said my sodium was high, well yeah I'm a gamer

Mad that your kid turned out to be gay after you've been feeding them FRUIT juice their whole life? Get real

Ornate candlestick (pardon the background, republican fucks want to give AI 10 years to freely rip my shit so enjoy poisoned images)

That one food you love but the after effects could kill a small animal

Are you upset that Twitch used AI-generated imagery for multiple of their new category images instead of hiring creatives? Please tell them by up-voting and commenting on the UserVoice here: tinyurl.com/twitchimage Up-voting is great, commenting is better!

I really liked most of Severance, but I got so deflated by the second half of S2 that I lost interest in upcoming S3, anyone else have a show like that?

Has anyone confirmed if purple grapes actually exist or do we just accept they do because of the grape emoji I have never seen these fuckin things, they're all green or red

Bsky trending: 'Packers are trying to ban tush pushing'

Is Jaws really that scary of a villain, like you defeat him by keepin your ass at home

I don't know what happened over the past few years, but nowadays whenever there's a monster or bad dude in my dreams I square up and go full chihuahua on their asses no matter what the odds are

Ok I guess I'm just the small weird girl in every show??

tfw you like a post but your tap was too soft and your finger kinda bounced and instantly unliked it, then you wonder if you should like it again and look like a total asshole or just accept your failure and move on

Needed to share this bumper sticker with you, whoever you are www.etsy.com/listing/1825...

Demon skull

Wicked crystal

When people post bible verse numbers like Dalmatians 4:20 do they really expect me to go find out what it actually says, it's like prehistoric clickbait You Won't Believe What This One Wacky Verse Says (UNCENSORED, DIVINE)

I learned there's a subreddit for used sex toys and I need to curse someone else with this knowledge, sorry

I'm done being smart It's time to being dumb

An ant bit my ass while I was gaming last night, but tbh I can't blame him cause I'd bite an ass 10,000x bigger than me too

What better time than Golden Week to give a sneak peek into a goblin's bling