Oh, poor Hyacinth has kicked the bouquet.

Gatsby Butch & Sundance This Property is Condemned Sneakers Barefoot

Spain think it’s the Euro diving championship

Ah, get fucked with your fucking 2-night minimum stay.

Wanna hear a joke? The Australian dollar. That’s it. That’s the joke.

I went to take a shit before but strangely, all I could see in the toilet was the Australian dollar. (Cos it's shit right now, get it?)

I started a fb account so I could sell stuff on market place and someone is already interested in my bed. Should I be worried that they live in Liberia?

Happy Rex Manning Day, to those that celebrate. #savetheempire

Big round of applause for the Australian Dollar… marvellous 🍾

Fucking AUD. Piece of shit.

Not sure who in the US to direct this at but the Ides of March is in few days.

Public libraries being closed on public holidays seems somehow counter-intuitive.

Can't believe this has been staring me in the face the whole time: Adelaide public transport = A delayed public transport.

The tinnitus is loud today. Can you all hear that?

Why do we use hyphens after "well" when it's an adverb? Makes no sense! I want to talk about a plant that isn't watered particularly well but it is watered with water from a well. It's well-watered, not well watered!

If people are looking for a photo-sharing app to replace insta, VERO popped up just after meta acquired insta, and has just been sitting there this whole time... #VERO #meta #instagram en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vero_(a...

Trying to find an example of the passive voice in the wild that isn't some stupid, made-up, "tHe BooK WAs REaD bY mE" kind of construction, and actually needs fixing. #editing #writing

Post your favourite #DoctorWho. Wrong answers only.

Æon Flux

Today, on this normal, non-public holiday Thursday, Adelaide buses have decided they can't be fucking bothered and are running every hour. #Adelaide #joke #whyImleaving

Just eating scrambled eggs after very calmly explaining to the omelette I was making that it *can't* be sticking to the pan because it's stainless steel and I👏 did👏 everything👏 right👏!

My dad was a jazz musician and worked in various music shops: sometimes in instruments, sometimes in recordings. This was the album he bought that we played every Xmas day while exchanging gifts. It’s a bit kitschy but there are some real bangers too. Enjoy. open.spotify.com/album/2ORwpi...

I've been trying to figure it out from context to no avail. I'm going to have to google who Blake Lively is, aren't I...

Quiet days in the office are good. Gives you a chance to complain in writing to Adelaide Metro about buses holding you hostage just before the CBD so they can be "on time" for their run out the other side. Does any other service in the world do this? It's infuriating.

Damn. I’m out. Heard it walking past a fucking Mr Potato. #Whamageddon

Man, I gotta start setting alarms again. I've gotten too good at ignoring the hungry cat.

Not much has changed since 1764 👇

New fancy pizza place down the road puts artichoke on a cappricciosa. And there's no online option to leave it off. What a bunch of wank.

Do I just buy my own Xmas gift now? It’s on sale.

I've just noticed that the South Australian Public Holidays Act 2023 refers to the day after Good Friday as "Easter Saturday" and now I have to leave the state.

I'm a bit late to the party but here's my thoughts on Americans fixing their health system 🙃

BRA-AUS Goals: 2-1 Histrionics: 7-0

Anyone who saw St Vincent at the Palais last night… did she play ‘Down’?

I have this camera. I bought it from a major retailer in 2014. For $400. 😐 #camera #photography

Is it over yet? My feed shows Tyson walking in for a quarter of a second followed by 20 seconds of buffering. It’ll be another hour before he makes it to the ring at this point.

Insta determined to make sure you only see shit it gives you, not stuff you’re actually interested in.

There needs to be an app that uses AI to auto-post total gibberish to all our now-abandoned Xitter accounts.

I’ve moved into the politics section this week. Some of these are… well… you get the idea.

And they’re still saying it’s the greatest country in the world 🤣😢

Bang!

Yep. Voting for a dictatorship to own the libs. That'll show 'em. What a fucking stupid country.

How is it close? The fuck is wrong with these people?

If Brexit was the UK shooting itself in the foot, I feel like with this election, the US already has the revolver in its mouth… #USpol #USvotes

"Alone Again… Naturally" just came on. I'd never really listened to the lyrics. That last verse is fucking brutal.

Just saw two fun-loving golden retrievers frolicking on Brighton beach take out a woman from behind, knocked her legs clean out from under her. She landed on her lower back, shrieked in pain and took a long time to get up.

Rapture? Today? Rex Manning Day?

Hmm. It's Thursday. But it's also the weekend. So I want to go to the gym but I also want to get takeaway and drink heavily. Decisions, decisions...

Quote with a perfect album