guess who got the bluey light projector pillow pet

Shipped my plants at the all of garden. Relax, it's called GARDENINg humor

When the tariffs hit your autistic special interest 🫠

Yo mama so early, the WORM got HER. I'm so sorry, there was nothing we could do to stop it.

Rumors of my death are exaggerated. I simply went on a Nubbys Number Factory binge these past few weeks.

guys the frogs in the cute little glass boxes at the zoo are NOT free to take apperently now I need 30k in bail

My stupid dumb ugly mom keeps grounding me but she doesn't know i always got bed cheese 😏

Me: I wish there was someplace I could smoke weed and eat my mcnuggies without my mom yelling at me to get a job fishing aisle at local big box retailer that used to be a Sears: hey

Not enough imodium on earth to help me deal with ur shit

a guy in a mario costume in Times Square told me u can smoke nicotine with ZERO health issues if u pinch ur nose when u take a drag

What do you mean the femboy impregnator didn't work? Keep trying until it gives results !

the joker but all he does is sneak into the batcave and shakes all of Bruce's soda cans and no matter what convoluted trap Bruce sets, joker always looneytoons his way around it

making multiple accounts on various sites to hijack different content algorithm groups

Fortnite Foreclosure

Fortnite Fenderbender ugh....

Why do they make batteries look so chewable

The ghost that haunts my house keeps throwing my toothbrush into the toilet when I sleep

How was i supposed to know wearing a coffee filter as a hat is punishable by 7 days in jail

Society really messed up when we decided oversized gangster SpongeBob tshirts weren't cool

Feel like as a society we should appreciate USB more

@intelgaming.bsky.social I messaged Librarian yesterday and he confirmed that he did have a Bluesky, and also posted this: x.com/NorthernIion... . Since your squatting account @northerniionlp.bsky.social has more followers at this point maybe you could advertise it from there?

look at this #bug what do i name him

I don't need to drink water i need to eat drywall

No no, it's true. Angry Birds really was a psyop

As a kid I was sent home from a classmates birthday party because I refused to drink anything unless it was in a bowl placed on the floor and all the other kids ignored the birthday girl to play kitty cat with me.

Don't meet your heroes. ESPECIALLY if ur hero is a super hero because that means ur in real deep shit

You want someone who can come up with solutions on the Fly? Wrong. You want me. Born on the shit pile, gearing up for a summit while your Fly is still a maggot wriggling in yesterday's trash bag.

This one ghost in my house keeps messing with me when I'm asleep by blowing air into my ears so my dreams are interrupted by hurricanes

Missed connection: you were a barista at a neighboring town's only coffee shop. I was the person making 14 separate pickup orders online because I kept forgetting to change my location when checking out

Need everyone to speak louder and be more straightforward when talking to me. And no i will not do the same

Im struggling to write a post about Beyblade Earth Theory but I can't think of anything funny so just picture it in your head and thank me later for planting that mind seed

Do white boys make comedy sketch groups anymore

Chess would be so much better if they added a fishing mechanic

No I'm not a gamer. This is just how I smell. Also I'm depressed.

Don't know who needs to hear this, but they are real. Keep hunting them. You're so close to getting proof.

Love how mushrooms just kinda look like that

Kids don't collect bugs at recess and let them loose in math class anymore.

I can't call 911 in emergencies. What if the operator tells me their name and I forget it, I'd literally die from embarrassment

My cousin saw me puff out my cheeks one time at the new years party and now all 37 of my brothers are calling me "Froggy"

Leave ur home. Walk north and don't stop until you hit water. He will be there waiting for you

Santa doesn't leave coal. Cause the woke. Good for him. Good for him....

Why don't they warn you that you start growing feathers in your mid 20s ????

See that's the difference between you and me. You see with your eyes, but I observe with my thousands of tiny hair like feelers all over my body.

what if the drones are just the friends we made alon- [USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST]

another Monday in the content mines. Hard work but need to do it to feed my child.

Time zones are crazy like it's always Wednesday somewhere???

really messed up that my bones are wet. dry as a bone? yeah right.

Slug vs Worm discourse in my backyard goes hard

dont trust people who wear socks to bed. why are u hiding ur toes....? creature..??

Hey guys, I'm going to run out real quick. Don't touch the glass of milk in my room