“I’m a little Teapot Dome, short and stout, Here is my handle, here is where I spout Off to Congress to remind them about, What to do with an admin that flouts Rules to prevent corrupt gov handouts, Turns out you’re a bunch of sellouts, So let’s turn DC over and spill you out.”

Tonight’s UFC Fight at the White House is a perfect illustration of what the colors on our flag mean to this admin. Red is for the violence they crave. White is for the nationalism they protect. Blue is for the blood they value above all else.

Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell are the Hair and the Turtle in a really f*cked up Aesop’s fable about how to run the race to destroy democracy in the US.

If we all banned together in solidarity and formed a union to undo wealth inequality, we should probably call ourselves the GuilloTeamsters.

Apparently KFC does NOT stand for Kentucky’s Finest Corn, but now I’m more confused why they don’t specialize in extra smooth corn on the cob if their mascot is a kernel sander?

What a night! Thank you San Diego and @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social, and all the great folks who stopped by for my 2-book signing! You can get signed copies of both my @chooseadventure.bsky.social DUNGEON CRAWL AT THE HAUNTED MALL, and my novel, THE VALE OF SEVEN DRAGONS in the store or order online!

The fear of being stuck in a chimney is called santaclaustrophobia.

Donald Trump’s newest reality show seems to be The Nap-prentice. “No, YOU’RE TIRED!”

If Donald Trump keeps literally falling asleep on the job, the only lawyers he’ll get to support him are the ones from the Mattress Firm.

When you do something accidentally, the odds were really low that thing would happen. That’s why it’s oneintentional.

The fact that Harry Styles DIDN’T become a barber kind of drags me down. The universe gave him ONE direction.

“Good night, sweet prints,” I tell the books while Ham’ming it up

I want to put a disclaimer on posts I’m squeezing out while distracted by my ADHD brain that just says “Not from concentrate.” Would that water things down though?

Me, standing over the bodies of my defeated opponents: “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? My boss: “We asked you “to add the slides of your editorial calendar to the front half of the team lead presentation for review”…

From now on I’ll be pronouncing skeleton like Peloton.

Gastonishing (adj-derogatory): a sarcastic description of the mean or condescending behavior from a looksmaxxing gigachad towards people of a different gender on the basis of their bookishness. “When I told him I read romance novels, he was gastonishingly closed-minded.”

For his next move, Tom Steyer will spend $400 million of his own money to become his local School Board Superintendent.

This is not an onion. Part 4/4 - Words: @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social Art: @marckeelanbishop.com

This is not an onion. Part 3/4 - Words: @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social Art: @marckeelanbishop.com

This is not an onion. Part 2/4 - Words: @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social Art: @marckeelanbishop.com

This is not an onion. Part 1/4 - Words: @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social Art: @marckeelanbishop.com

Jeff Bezos: “Finally, a hot tub to relax in after all this money making.” Me, in the hot tub: “All rise!” JB: “But I just sat down.” Me: “You’re disrespecting the judge in her own courtroom?” JB: “We’re not in a courtroom…”

Hey Californians, today is the day to turn in your ballots! Let’s all recall how much of a mistake it was to let an outsider, populist, reality star billionaire have power and apply those lessons liberally here.

“Is this character straight-coded?” said nobody, ever, because being straight has never had to hide behind symbolism and subtext to show up in our media.

Your assignment this month is to read the books that would cause evangelical mega church pastors to rebuke you in the name of the Lord before they get in their luxury sports car and speed away to their tax-free McMansion.

I love learning new things about #Dragonlance! Did you know? Author Margaret Weis had a specific look in mind for Magius on the cover of War Wizard: a young Clay Matthews! Artist Stephen Youll nailed it! Hint: Pre-order from @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social, and you'll get a signed bookplate! 1/

There are so many artists and books to celebrate this Pride Month, but we must also name the ever-growing danger to the community. Trans and nonbinary people are being erased from public life. From invalidating their passports to forcing them out of the military and public service,

Painting the horses in DC gold is such small-d*ck energy that I will be referring to it as “gelding the filly.”

BREAKING: Vance says US and Iran are “close” to deal. Negotiations now focused on Iran’s demand Trump rename the “America 250” concert to “Iran’s Strait of Hormuzic Festival,” due to how few bands are going through with it.

It’s pretty telling that Republicans’ main line of attacks against James Talarico is that he’s too feminine, not straight enough, and suggesting he doesn’t eat meat. Apparently you can’t be a woman, queer, or empathetic if you’re a Republican.

The reason I know Stephen Miller is, in fact, u-g-l-y, is because he will NOT have any alibi when he gets his day in court for his crimes against humanity. You ugly.

So we either let the richest, most morally bankrupt among us being in charge of training computers in what it means to be human to replace actual humans. Or we let them crash the economy. Truly, we are being put between a grok and a hard place.

San Diego! See you June 4 at @mystgalaxybooks.bsky.social! I’ll be signing both DUNGEON CRAWL AT THE HAUNTED MALL, my @chooseadventure.bsky.social book, and THE VALE OF SEVEN DRAGONS, my new epic fantasy novel! mystgalaxy.com/060426Gammon

Can we leave the UFC cage in front of the White House, please? It would make such a great setting for the tribunals we clearly need to have for this administration.

This won’t fit on bluesky, so you get it in screenshots.

I’m so glad Trump is celebrating our nation’s freedom the way the founders intended: with steroid-addled dudes in short-shorts giving each other traumatic brain injuries in front of a live audience.

Andy Kim LaMonica McIver Adelita Grijalva Alex Padilla ICE and DHS have attacked and charged multiple non- ⚪️ members of Congress for doing their jobs. Anyone who says ⚪️ nationalism isn’t a dominant ideology of this administration is lying.

Now, now, let’s hear Tom Steyer out. If he becomes governor, he will *checks notes* abolish a federal agency himself and *checks notes* make billionaires, *checks notes* which includes him, “pay their fair share” *checks notes* which he has not yet done himself because…

If a restaurant hired me to name a dish for them and I called it “The Super Salad” is it considered chaotic neutral or chaotic evil?

Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City? I’m 3 thousand miles away, but girl, tonight, you’ve got Mamdani, I wish we did too

Pronouncing Bluesky like “brewski” from now on

“It was a great try. Not everyone can stay in the lines.” —Me, getting my parking validated

Why does he always keep his armor on? Because he’s going ComMando.

I now understand what it was like to watch Cheers. This will-they-or-won’t-they peace deal is giving big Uncle Sam and Tehiane vibes and it’s exhausting.

There’s a whole cottage industry that has cropped up to convince people not to travel to America on holiday, for obvious reasons. Detourism is booming.

Polyamorous werewolves form a lycanthrouple.

Vampire: *knocks* “May I come in?” Me: “No, why?” V: “I have an opportunity for you. What if I could give you riches and —“ Me: “Eternal life, with you as my sire?” V: “No, no. I’m offering you OmniLife as my downline. I can teach you how to StrigoilBoss like me!”

Once the coast is clear, you know you’ve reached the Transparen Sea.

If you run into the back of a food truck, that should be called a vendor bender.

If anything happens to Trump before 2029, I think JD Vance will be a way more f*cking hands-on Commander-in-Chief. In fact, I think he’ll be a f*cking fut-on Commander-in-Chief.