for my good friend. david byrne is the only man alive who could wear a suit that was clearly never meant for him - let us remember his sacrifice and never follow his example. wear your own suit, with normal sized shoulderpads the one in your heart, which fucks.

awesome sauce like a boss!!1!

This fuckass gnome tried to seduce me so I cast Petrify on it He makes for a good mantelpiece though

imagine you just want to help a friend out but instead you end up encountering the binced meef

I genuinely believe that no matter how far apart they were, if you shoved a wooden stake through Ant, or Dec's hearts - both would collapse in writhing agony. They're like geordie-homonculuses, who crawled out of the primordial ooze beneath the first Greggs.

What will it take for Keir Starmer to stop UK arms sales to Israel?

I (M25) tried cheating in my local ventriloquist regionals by keeping a thumb-sized man (M71) in my shirt pocket - but it turns out he's really racist?? AITA?

i regret to announce i got dishonourably discharged from the not giving a fuck army for giving a fuck

Thinking big thoughts about the 43 escaped South Carolina monkeys today... ... one of your brothers has fallen... but you must keep going... show them all.

Do you think David and Goliath ever explored each other's bodies? The original size-diff couple, shame the way it ended.

Every day I resist the conscious urge to become a metal detectorist - I've found myself deep in thought looking at fields, little patches of soil, and green clearings. Beneath the soil, history waits to be seen, it hums a little tune beneath the dirt and waits - never knowing sky.

fuggs #art

today's haiku:- "I swear, no more mince" I cautiously reach inside ... his soggy-pocket

today's haiku:- you, bearded and stout me, and my pocket berries feed, tender from me.

NEW: I ran 80,000 simulations of the election. My wife left me for a guy who doesn’t do that.

it is not too late to submit mail-in ballots - simply tape a picture of who you want to vote for above a footlong meatball marinara... and 𝖋𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖐 on that fucking thang hahaaaa 😍🤤

spent all day firebombing a number of walmarts in swing states #KamalaHarris2024

Ratatouille but the rat sometimes makes you jerk off - however he is still a remarkable chef.

today's haiku:- the many-hatlaw duel him, and find out why all the dead... die bald

today's haiku:- o' dying star upon my furrowed brow old, and yet young

whoever decided to garlic up bread for the first time might be one of my top 5 favourite people

I hope linkedin steps up their halloween game this year - I want to be contacted by GHOUL recruiters for opportunities in BEING A GHOST... ... networking... with a werewolf... not in the furry sex way but meaningful business horrortunities.

William Afton ... "I always... come on your back" Freaky.

daily haiku:- beans microwave my bowl, a ballerina a divorce dancer

I need a Costco Guys film reminiscent of 'The Departed' - wherein AJ & Big Justice are the father-son patriarchs of a Floridian crime family. In the third act, their beloved adopted son, "The Rizzler" will be revealed as a deep-undercover police detective - his morals grey and lines blurred.

drinking my morning cup of seed oil to attract 5 "G"s The universe goes band to band with me.

daily haiku:- "crime is on the rise" first his cape, then boots "send in... freakyon"

I had a dream once, I woke up with big loaves of bread upon my feet and the people HATED me for it, genuinely strung me up in a christ-like manner. Keep your circle small.

making gothic statues from italian blue cheeses... gargoylenzola

Alright I'm on bluesky now where the white women at