(old stuff) grampa

forgive us our locking in, as we forgive those who lock in against us

been debating if i have the strength (and honestly more importantly, the time) to make smth for myself before the year ends... not too upset if i don't end up doing it but i've been wanting to make a new rheya piece...

thsi is always relevant

ill learn how 2 code a website is2g

all i've had in my mind recently has been doomsday thoughts. man. for my own birthday i keep thinking horrible things. i hope one day it will no longer feel isolating and lonely like this

Sebastian again... #oc #art

anyway moving sucks im tired of spending all my money and energy worrying about everything all the time and feeling like im seconds away from total failure

genuinely going thru so much inner turmoil i. i just want to have a home to live in

kinda a weird thing to mention all of a sudden but i learned that keeping an urn of your deceased loved ones is ILLEGAL IN MY COUNTRY. you can go through the process of cremation, but you either must spread the ashes (extremely limited) or they keep it and you have no control over it. IM ???????????

i also think, writing *with* friends has been a tremendous positive for me and my overall outlook of myself. OCs are extremely dear 2 me, I wouldn't stop making them if I was alone, but smth about showing them 2 the friendgroup and have it be not only validated, but aggressively cheered for is......

god i love sebastian so much. has me in such a specific chokehold like no other character does, and this is not to discredit my other characters because they all come from a different place, but smth abt seb in particular is like. idk how2explain but im so fixated on him being SO different from me

and what if i perish due to his tummy & thighs, what then #oc #art

i love him,.,,,

yeah

simple joys in life

in agony over my lack of energy to do anything... wheres the vday art... wheres the art in general.... help

lord

anyway all that to say i find myself in the position of the lost and the directionless. i don't really know what i'm "supposed to do"/"supposed to be working towards", its all confusing and overwhelming and very hard for me. i know im not the only one feeling that way, so that is my current comfort

overall, i know many people are struggling to find comfort, happiness, closure, rest. many (myself as well) are unsure of what to do next, if we are destined for happiness, greatness, or despair, but i mean it when i say that you have to sometimes walk even if you're feeling as though you are blind

"I did all I was supposed to and still failed/ I'm just waiting for the end now" no, you must start again. thats what this has always been all about. we succeed and thrive, suffer and despair, and then find purpose in that abyss, and then start all over again

C+ alone is such a game changer because i was fully ready to remodel the hair, ears, tail, etc. to fit my needs but with C+ it wasn't even necessary

cleanse my soul #oc #art

Rheya would become the villain of the story should the ones closest to him die

i have no special new year's drawing to prepare BUT. have some silly cats anyways :3

what even happened here

no holiday cheers, only angry cat #oc