This is my song! Turn it up!

This one needs to be the first in the pillory line.

At this point, I’d say even the most conservative Washingtonian is ready for secession. Come on Canada. Make a power play deal and absorb us into BC!

Oh, please ignore the EU/NATO/Danish warning and try to seize Greenland. Please!

Brownies should NEVER be cakey. The only acceptable brownie is dense and fudgy, and I will die on this cross.

Fellow Bearded Bloomfies: do you too find that one side of your beard grows faster than the other? Why is that? Or am I the only one and just a freak? (Well, I already know I’m a freak, but…)

And I’m teaching my students now to have the same philosophy. The abuse and wage theft by billionaires stops here. www.upworthy.com/gen-z-career...

It never fails. You guys always look sexier 10 years later.

2016 / 2026 Yep, not much has changed. Just some gray in my beard and a coupla new wrinkles.

I’ll complete the map someday. Really hoping to get to Hawaii and Maine for sure. tenpages.github.io/us-level/us....

Considering that I was a Scooter for years, I’m so happy to upgrade to an old-school sage. Take the quiz "Which Muppet are You” uquiz.com/quiz/CcnMhs/...

Now, hear me out…

Any country wanting to save us: if you choose to invade through the Pacific Northwest, you can just walk through. If we see you, no we didn’t. Go ahead and do your thing. No need to bomb your way through.

Oh this is giving me everything I need to start 2026. I know I will be dancing around my living room like nobody’s watching when this album drops. youtu.be/v-Cq_ZqXbd8?...

Today is one of those days where I just want to lay down on the floor and be attacked by a pack of rambunctious puppies all trying to steal my attention with kisses and nuzzles.

All I want in 2026 is the opportunity to piss on his grave.

Look, I’m not a furry, but hear me out…

MTV is officially ending all of its music channels. In honor of that, what's your favorite music video?

I honestly can’t think of anything, because if they did get mad, I didn’t give it a second thought. Nothing is that serious on here. Just have a cookie.

If we ever left Seattle, the only cities I’d move to without question are Portland, Minneapolis, Chicago, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, or Boston. If needed, I’d consider San Diego, San Francisco, Denver, Madison, Ann Arbor, NYC (or NJ suburb), or Baltimore. Anywhere else would require negotiation.

“How will you enter 2026?” Me:

See a fox, post a Fox. Naughty girls need love, too.

The fuck you say!? www.kuow.org/stories/toil...

Wow. Clocked.

Show me how your 2025 went

Are the microplastics what is making my *** so thick lately?

Daddy made me

Well, shit. Here we go…

When he said that, I just wanted to grab hold of those ears and…

LinkedIn gettin’ wild, y’all.

I refuse to decide between Erotica, Bedtime Stories, and Ray of Light; and you can’t make me.

Actors ON Actors?! With these two!?

Good. Leave. Get the fuck out. But we know you won’t. Your resolve is just as minuscule as your capacity to care about anyone else but your own. apple.news/AD5SDxHxXTfG...

How many times will Capitalism fail/destroy us before we maybe try something different for a fucking change?

Oldest selfie in your phone. (2008) I was baby.

The bane of my existence is the pushy, liberal white mother who thinks her child’s needs are more important than anyone else’s and that her daytime tv expertise is gospel.

Just white meat, gravy, sweet potatoes, collard greens, Mac n cheese, pecan pie, Hawaiian rolls

Fries and soda. So many better ways to prepare potatoes.

Sandpoint, Idaho is utterly charming, and this new leather scally cap is my whole winter personality now.

Diane Keaton dying on National Coming Out Day seems rather homophobic. Farewell, Icon. 😪

Why, yes I am a Booner with VIP access tonight. What of it, bro?

I’ve lost 75 pounds since last November. In the past, when I’ve lost a lot of weight, I’ve put away all of my bigger clothes in storage “just in case” I gained it back. That also then became a self-fulfilling prophecy. 1/2

Drop some BONES!

This is the third gay I’ve had to unfollow in a week because when they posted whining for more followers, I went and checked and found they weren’t actually following me anyway. Ugh. Collectors with main character syndrome.

How I take criticism

I’m so glad they’re letting me join them this year! I was too ugly for them last year. High standards, y’all.

I highly recommend falling in love all over again with the one you love, and as much as possible. It never gets old. ❤️❤️❤️

Reskeet your male athlete crush. Easy. Julio Rodriguez. I get so weak in the knees every time I see him.