ohhhh my goddddd being nine months pregnant is harddd

going through my holiday toiletries bag to pack for having the baby and it’s full of loose smarties because last time we went away I was still having to bribe Theo to sit on the toilet

how is it literally cabbage season but one head of cabbage costs $8.50

I've had my final EVER pregnancy ultrasound. baby looking great. really going to miss the feeling of wiping huge globs of agricultural-grade lubricant out of my pubes 🥲🥲🥲

every time I want to eat something I can’t eat due to gestational diabetes I put it on the list

dead rat :(

these fucking pancakes are so good. I love yank style pancakes, I've made a million recipes and this one is by far the best, I make it every weekend. I do it exactly as the recipe says except I use wholemeal flour and famers union greek yog instead of sour cream www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-...

not now kitten i'm knapping flint tools

my beautiful son is becoming too clever for his own good. I recognise the signs due to suffering from this problem myself

the lion does not concern herself with roadwork speed limits on the M2

I love coming to Woolies late on Sunday arvo and seeing everyone’s shitty kids having whinging end of weekend meltdowns. Meanwhile my shitty kid is somewhere else having the meltdown with daddy 😎😎😎

what is jd vance supposed to do now, seriously. he crafted his entire identity out of being an american catholic and wrote a book called communion, all because he thought it was based and epic. but now two popes have personally told him to go fuck himself

this morning Theo did a huge shit and then said “phew! that was close”

not the maternity dungaree pinafore 🤣🤣🤣

gestational diabetes got me counting calories and eating shelf-stable salami. my enemies will see me brought low

the intention of this is to control my blood glucose effectively. it is also having other effects.

Theo’s birthday cake this year. He asked for a pink dinosaur 🙂🙂🙂

my only dream in this life is to have my number plate read automatically by the sensors on the way in and out of the car park

the low carb emporium should give you a discount if you have gestational diabetes

they’re saying I might be the mother of the year? they’re saying all the other kids will be seething wil jealousy?? on god

it’s funny how every single bloke in mad men is a total piece of shit

my postprandial blood glucose limit is 6.7mmol/L with gestational diabetes but what is the clinical limit on how many times I am allowed to joke about killing myself. after each meal? 4kmsj/D?

been watching mad men. anyone heard of this. pretty good show

this is what it’s like having GDM

It’s funny to me that I’ve been eating grilled chicken, cabbage and carefully weighed servings of quinoa for nine days and I have to continue to do this for another 63 days. I’m actually laughing about it

this is a direct affront to god

can't have a beer, can't have a puff on a joint, can't have a piece of fucking bread. I am so glad this is my last pregnancy. I need to LEAVE my reproductive era! GOODBYE!

one of the best physical sensations of pregnancy is being able to feel your gums receding in real time

I have gestational diabetes 🙂🔫

Theo is telling me that daddy drank a bottle of dishwashing liquid. Theo told him no daddy stop don’t drink that. But he did it anyway the mad bastard

my decision to only allow my son to watch hand-selected low-stimulation television shows dating back 10-30 years has been a boon for etsy creators whose services I am forced to employ in order to make him toys and clothes of his favourite characters

when I was pregnant with Theo I never had to wear it but this time around I’m unfortunately living in the belly band aka the belt of indignity :(

omg brown rice has less fibre than white pasta!!!! fuck brown rice

I have completed the oral glucose tolerance test, which is a form of torture and should be outlawed

today the sonographer handed me an image of my baby’s genitals and said “heres a picture of her burger bun”

in general I don’t find neofeudalism to be a useful concept, but damn this week really has me feeling like a peasant bearing witness to conflicts between aristocrats. nobody gives a single fuck what I or any of the other peasants think of it. legitimation? of war? to the peasants???? lol. lmao

theo calls alice in wonderland “alison in wonderland” and whenever something crazy happens to her he chuckles and goes “oh alison, that’s so silly”

are the puffins on puffin rock catholic or protestant

they should make an episode of puffin rock where oona gets addicted to krokodil

theo (on toilet, mid-crap, playing with daddy’s apple watch): hmm mm mm daddy: theo can you stop playing with my watch please theo: EXCUSE me. I am trying to relax.

I'm pregnant and niecepilled

SHeep family

theo did a bush wee the other day and he was like "that's for the spiders to drink now. that's for the spiders. they will drink it" ok man

just had malatang and now I’m eating a mochi donut and drinking a sugar free strawberry and kiwi slurpee. might be about to get euthanised. stay tuned

I made barbecued greens with tonnato and pine nuts. definitely best dish of 2026 so far

I love my son all the time except at dinner time

Rupert says I’m a sicko for thinking that a song called Come on Shoes was about a guy cumming on some shoes

19 more weeks of feeling like total shite 100% of the time. then I’ll have a newborn and feel like a different type of shite 100% of the time for about 6 more months. then about 6 months after that I’ll start to feel ok again. sometime in 2029 it’ll be over for you hoes

fashun…

had a dream the baby was twin ducklings and I had to try and breastfeed them