we moved into a house with a garage and I can feel myself becoming a boomer in real time. I'm filling up that motherfucker with bags of rubbish, old furniture, shit I can't be bothered to get rid of. closing the door. that's for my children to deal with when I'm dead

when I was pregnant with theo I'd listen to a birth stories episode and the guest would be like "my own birth experience really inspired me to become a (insert midwife, doula, birth-related profession)" and I'd nod and be like "yes, of course" now I think that is INSANEE COULD NOT BE MEEEEE

daughter is freaking out because someone on the school yard told her there’s a version of red light green light you can play where they kill you

it took three seasons but I now fully understand mulder. he knows unconsciously that his parents are monsters who allowed and covered up the abduction of his sister, but this knowledge is too painful to possess, so he must constantly seek other villains to blame

just used clear sky for the first time and found out someone I knew at uni and haven’t seen or thought about in over 15 years pre-emptively blocked me on here over a year ago. thrilled to have made such an impression!

it's great that all the people in my life I'm close to are slowly leaving sydney because it's too expensive to live here. I'm lovin it!

watching an x files episode where scully is triggered into paranoid psychosis by a mind control tv broadcast but mulder is immune. intriguingly and counter to what you’d assume at first blush this suggests mulder is the neurotic and scully is the psychotic in the dyad

I find it very funny that one of the main aus maternity clothing brands is called ripe. I know they mean like a fruit or whatever but every time I read it I'm like yeah, because pregnant and postpartum women fucking STINK. this bitch is RIPE (fanning my hand in front of my nose)

I can't believe smoking is cool and cheap again years after I quit. thinking of all that time I spent paying out the ass for expensive darts and sitting by myself in deserted smoking areas makes me sick to my stomach

love this scene where scully thinks mulder has been perpetrating slasher murders and she’s just like, Fuck my stupid chungus life

happy Halloween!!!

9 weeks pregnant.... time to eat instant noodles until I feel sick, then eat more instant noodles

Theo: I’m mummy and you’re Theo me: ok. I’m Theo. I love sharks and dinosaurs and mummy and daddy. and I love going to the park Theo: I’m mummy. it’s time to go and buy some crabs

It’s my boy’s first time at the big sheep nuts

when are they going to invent a sunscreen pill :( I've been wearing sunscreen every day for a few years now and it actually decreases my quality of life in a significant way :(

Trying to teach him to smile in photos

Telling Kevin Rudd that you don’t like him and demolishing a heritage building is maybe Trump living my dream?

it’s taken two and a half years but I think Theo is finally beginning to understand that if he closes his eyes, water will not get into them in the bath

god first trimester is the pits. I sleep 9 hours at night, have to have a mandatory 2 hour nap during the day, and I just feel like the walking dead. it feels like my mitochondria have stopped working, like I lack energy on a cellular level. I am a zombie

kid at the park: hey guys! who wants to play baby seal? it’s a really interesting game, someone has to die! (pointing at other kid) today that’s gonna be you!

just ate a ludicrously greedy serving of pasta alfredo for breakfast. so this is my second pregnancy announcement

a lot of people really think you can park in no stopping zones if you put your hazards on

theo: what's this? me: a packing pellet theo: where does it come from? me: the packing pellet factory theo (delighted): the packing pellet factory!! oh my gosh!! it come from the packing pellet factory. hooray!

I hate the smoking man, I hate him with my life, he does not leave mulder alone

will you let him touch the owl?

bluey has appeared before the local magistrates court on charges of grievous bodily harm after she mauled an elderly woman at coles

where do I go to follow the funny problematic people on here, sorry but you are all really boring weepy shitlibs

I was doing toddler cuddle patter with Theo today and I was like “where’d you get these cute little feet” and he looked me dead in the eye and said “I got them from the barbecue shop”

this morning theo woke up and said "my have a bottom. do you have a bottom? daddy has a bottom. and... tony soprano [his soft toy bunny] has a bottom too"

nothing generates novel toddler stances like being excited the aunties have come to visit

When I was pregnant with Theo I was on an antihypertensive that’s only used in pregnancy and it was in global shortage. Rupert (genius) had the idea to try Castlecrag pharmacy because no women of childbearing age live there. Their stock was old and dusty but they always had it hahahahaha

great news everyone: I am unilaterally declaring that it is now summer in Sydney. I am wearing a tank top 🌺🌞🥬👙🕶️⛱️

Oh my god dude

on day five of watching toddler tv 10 hours a day. they need to make a flu vaccine that actually stops the child from getting the flu

I love being a middle aged loser so much more than being young and interesting but I really wish my body didn’t just hurt all the time for no reason

Theo’s got the flu. I’ve now watched the little mermaid more times in the past two days than the entire rest of my life put together

are trampoline parks a death trap y/n? really struggling to fill time with so many rainy weekends 😮‍💨

it’s book week bitch

I really wish there was a shit selective school around here we could send our kids to, the good ones look way too high pressure. I loved the shit selective school experience

I love being a good enough cook that I don’t need to subscribe to the cooking substacks for the full recipe. Oh you posted a pic of the finished dish…. I can reverse engineer that 😈😈😈

I went to the fancy op shop at northbridge the other day and it was 50% off everything, got so much good stuff that both of the staff members were like "wow you've done well haven't you!" that's right bitch I got 30 years experience. give me the A+ in op shopping

got this fishy hair clip and theo's decided it's his fishy hair clip

so lucky I have my lesbian sister to coach me through trying for a baby. I got no idea what I'm doing, theo was a surprise. did my first ovulation test today and stuck the strip in the wrong way. heterosexual excellence

thinking about how much my grandma, miss her daily, may she rest in peace, would love calorie tracking apps

great news, four months later, this finger injury is now approaching what I'd call 80% healed. "don't jar your pinky finger"

it's fucked up how heterosexual male culture is both obsessed with women as sex objects and also highly resentful of women due to how much men want them as sex objects. anyone looking into this. ???

theo has entered his medieval peasant phase (wearing big scratchy wool jumper, eating a crust of bread, catholic but also believes in woodland spirits)

cartoon librarian mouse son

turning right should be illegal. except when I want to turn right, that’s fine

I got a big bag of bread from harris farm for eight bucks off the anti food waste app so now I'm having bread gnocchi, sicilian meatballs with currants, pine nuts and heaps of bread, and toasted breadcrumbs on top :)