AOC: *stares intently* Bondi: *stares back* AOC: *squints, continuing to stare* Bondi: *blinks stupidly* AOC: *nose starts to bleed* Bondi: *stares even more stupidly* AOC: *clenches fists* Bondi: *head starts to swell like a balloon* Chairman: That is your time miss Cortez AOC: Damn, almost had her

Okay so you got some numbers, but they ain't talking to you? Throw them at me, I will find the character hiding in there. They just need a little coaxing sometimes...

I figured out AI. All of the collected knowledge of mankind with no understanding of truth. It's Azathoth. Blind, dancing, idiot God consuming existence without comprehension. But it can draw boobies. Just not fingers.

Here's a thought. When oil companies report profits after hiking gas prices, tax that shit at 150%. You cash in on our ass, you get fucked right back.

If anybody needs a character background written before game night, I got you. Go ahead, hit me up. I ain't busy. bit.ly/4e6ABS8

Trump #5 A little bit of bribery, every night A little bit of crypto, hide it right Genocide and war crimes cus I'm white Looting like a pirate, out of sight Raping me some children cus I can Pardoning the pedos, that's my plan Shredding up the ballots, im a fan Army full of Nazis, I'm their man

Frank could see the future.

I'm bored. Want me to write you something? Throw something at me, I will make it interesting for you. www.fiverr.com/s/gD7BDrL #dnd

Buy this. Read this. Show it to your friends and then yank it away and say "Buy your own copy. It's worth it." Killjoy is a joy to read and her humor kills.

If anybody needs a character background written before game night, I got you. Go ahead, hit me up. I ain't busy. bit.ly/4e6ABS8

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

Hey, it's friday. You want a character background? Throw me a bone! You could have a cool background by this time Saturday! Come on, you know you wanna :D www.fiverr.com/s/NNx5YQN #dnd #character #writing

Do you like the Math Rocks games? Do you have some numbers that aren't telling you who they are yet? Do you have a blank page and just want someone to give you something crazy to run with? Wanna just see what a weird little goblin can do? Throw it my way! www.fiverr.com/s/vv0BG9r

Alexander Hamilton: Hey guys maybe we should put a Praetorian Guard into the Constitution. James Madison: The guys that murdered the crazy emperors when they got too crazy for crazytown? Why would we want that? Alexander Hamilton: I don't know, I have a hunch.

Hey Nerd! You like Nerd stuff? You like the dungeons and the dragons? Me too. You want some help with that? www.fiverr.com/s/xXBGGBB

@ko-fi.com thanks for letting me know to never post my blogs on your site ever again. AI isn't a part of any kind creativity, it steals from creativity.

Great, now I have to boycott Taco Johns because they put a fucking chatbot on the drive-thru. Fuck you, fuck your chatbot, and fuck your usually overcooked tater tots.

One of my biggest concerns at this point is this: If he dies without being impeached, it will be much harder to reverse the many criminal acts he should be impeached for.

#MeToo These brave survivors show us who Bondi really is.

I don't have any interest in anything Maxwell has to say. Everything she says will have a motive and none of it will have any expectation of truth. Just throw her into a wood chipper and be done with it. Feet first, I want her to have some time to reflect on her "actions."

Donald Trump is referenced 38 THOUSAND times in the Epstein files. If he were brought before Congress and given an opportunity to explain each count with a 20 minutes to question, answer for eight hours a day and honoring Congress's 147 day work schedule, it would take TEN YEARS! Not including naps!

Now with ChatGPT instead of "Phone a Friend" you can "Ask some mindless cunt eavesdropping on people who may or may not know anything but also maybe it will just make shit up to tell you confidently." Who thought I would want that? I don't want that.

It is my sincere hope that Pedo-Prez wakes up every morning with a moment of lucidity, fully aware that his mind is turning to rancid yogurt and he will go through the day mentally drowning. I want him full Flowers for Algernon watching his faculties flowing away like runny shit in a cleansing storm

Face it. ICE HAS ALIENATED AMERICANS by slamming their victims faces into the ground, killing people, wearing masks, not identifying themselves and using “Gestapo” tactics on immigrants & citizens. Americans are resisting, as they should. It is time to defund ICE! Repost if you agree #BlueCrew

Jack Smith should end every answer with "I gave you sufficient evidence to impeach him." State your name for the record. My name is Jack Smith. I gave you sufficient evidence to impeach him. What was your position? I was appointed Special Prosecutor. I gave you sufficient evidence to impeach him.

If he dies without being held accountable, the ghouls behind his administration will chalk it up as a win. They will repeat the playbook. Trump is a travesty but the Heritage Foundation is the real threat to democracy.

I appreciate the people calling for use of the 25th Amendment, but we can't get them to remove him for Treason, you think mushbrain is going to move the needle? They ran him as their candidate AFTER he defrauded kids with cancer. Not to mention what he did to the kids without cancer.

I assume that Dipshit's last words will be "Organ failure? They have organs, give me those! Junior and... the other one." He doesn't want Ivanka's organs because he already gave her his. When that kid is sure he can't hurt her anymore, that biography is going to be fucking CHILLING.

I will admit, I am a little bit surprised that Bovino hasn't just noscope detained Patel and claimed that means he is the FBI now.

This is the most astonishing graph of what the Trump regime has done to US science. They have destroyed the federal science workforce across the board. The negative impacts on Americans will be felt for generations, and the US might never be the same again. www.nature.com/immersive/d4...

I will never in my life do anything as decent as this woman did.

Responsible? That is part of their version of the Miranda Rights. I have the right to beat you I have the right to maim you I have the right to kill you I have the right to rape you I have the right to deny you medical care I have the right to deny you exist at all really It's your fault

White Supremacists have been trying to kick off a race war since Segregation was overturned. Now they are recruiting and funding an army using your tax dollars.

Funny how we haven't heard anything about a report from ICE Internal Affairs. Just kidding, they don't have one. The only Affairs they recognize happen at the Kid Rock shows and they don't write any of that down.

2019 Elon Musk: Our new truck is indestructible! It will stop handgun rounds! 2019 Soccer Mom: Why would I need that? 2026 Soccer Mom: Oh.

No Mr President, if you kidnap the President of a country, you do not get to run their country. Thats not how kidnapping works. You know crime, you know this. You want to run Venezuela? Steal their election like you did ours. Or if you don't feel like doing that you can crawl into a hole and die.

Good day to watch @ginnydi.com build a medieval tavern out of nostalgia and stress. youtu.be/mwDfsxUSiVE?... Take a break from the wailing and gnashing of teeth. It's fun!

Only three more shopping days to get your Presidential Pardon Bribes in. Yes I know Christmas is 2 days but you think Trump knows what day it is? But he IS golfing Friday. He would be raping kids but he forgot. Sad state when the only thing stopping his disgusting crimes is senility.

I did not expect for the country I grew up in to be unrepentantly Evil. But I definitely did not anticipate that it would also be this DUMB!

Message to SCOTUS: You seem to have forgotten this part, but you are actually supposed to reach a verdict AFTER you hear the case. Not as soon as Dipshit J Poopinpants hands you the check. Who am I kidding. IOU. That bitch doesn't pay his bills.

Hey here's a thought. Maybe we SHOULDN'T let politicians shuffle us around in voting blocks like the world's shittiest Magic the Gathering player? How bout we don't put up with that shit?

I think Petey is relying on a promise from Daddy to "un-court-martial" him. Daddy said that is a thing and Daddy said he would do it and Daddy doesn't lie. To me. I hope. This time.

Oh no mister president sir! You missed a step. You forgot to replace the courtmartial judges with sycophantic toadies with no actual judicial experience! You cant courtmartial a decorated wartime Naval Officer and FUCKING ASTRONAUT with COMPETENT Judges! Is Petey sleeping off his happy juice again?

Elon's face here says "It was me who farted. No one will ever know."