(talking about werewolf boyfriends becoming real) me: "yeah when grindr becomes a thing, it'll be possible" friend: "you mean, CRISPR?" me: "yeah, that one"

pardon me, going to go scream in the corner for a few minutes

i don't know how this happened, but I have never wanted to reproduce a bug so much

anyone have chimken to spare

possums deserve scritches too (please pet me)

okay but what about werepossums?

Inside you there are two wolves One is a himbo The other... is also a himbo You are a twink

biscuits and gravy is great, but have you considered a 7 foot tall werewolf boyfriend?

new isekai idea: "I Used To Be an Arch-Mage, But My Spell Backfired And I Got Reincarnated As An Opossum"

happy tuesday everybody

Is sleeping in a garbage can in peace too much to ask for?

WE ARE SO BACK!!! NOTHING CAN STOP M- *gets hit by a truck*

I'm insane? no, you have it backwards... sane is in me ;)

consider yourself sniffed

Has anyone seen Geoffrey? We were supposed to go lay in the middle of the road today.

Can I just sleep all weekend?

WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME THAT SELF CARE FEELS SO GREAT

I'm going to steal the entire vegetable drawer from your fridge

who wants to ransack the local dumpsters with me?

he pear chamber

the cheese tax also applies to opossums, so pay up

my brain is soup, but fuck it we ball

Nothing beats committing arson in 31 states.

I'm not just trash... I'm a dumpster fire

Just put an egg in a tomato and you will be amazed

DO NOT GO TO THE WENDY'S DUMPSTER 0/10

i love water so fucking much

if you say I need to piss myself, then god dammit I'm going to piss myself

anything can be an innuendo if you say it gross enough

the black mold on my walls keeps trying to get me to play willbender...

I may not believe in god, but I swear they've got it out for me

what do you mean 4 hours of sleep isn't enough?

If you ever think you are trash, you probably are. But it's a good thing I like trash :)

chorizo makes everything better <3

I wish raccoons were real

if you aren't on a watchlist somewhere, are you even truly living

Feeling cute, might leak state secrets later...

I have lived another day, and I'm going to make it everybody's problem.

I had a dream that New Mexico was east of Texas. And the Carolinas were one state, but still called South Carolina.

not dead, just sleeping... please stop poking me with a stick

Your bones were forfeit the moment you stepped foot in this dumpster

Perpetual mood

Opossums would never sneak into a Costco to eat free samples. I can't believe you would accuse one of such a thing...

The walls are speaking to me... they say that you should feed your local wildlife.

Shitpost? I barely know how to post, let alone shit.

I may be trash,

What does this button do? *launches a 100 kilotonne warhead directly at Texas*

trader joe's has such good dumpsters 10/10

*cromch cromch cromch*

heck