A lot of the passengers are complaining, but my plane ticket says I'm allowed 10kg of carrion.

Something Good That’s Now Been Ruined For Money: The Musical!

Pretending something is deliberately satirical because the horrible truth of it is too much to process…

I'll dead when I'm sleep.

“I want to have sex during this job interview”.

In a post-capitalistic society, corruption is not only accepted, it is celebrated as brave, audacious and brilliant. You can't be punished if crime isn't wrong anymore.

New polls show many Americans have moved on from hoping Trump will die to actively pretending that he is dead.

Today I have mostly been listening to Imperial Teen.

Social Media: Me: I like puppies. Replies: Not everyone likes them! I don't! So you shouldn't! Replies: So you support puppy farms I suppose? You're a hate-crime! Replies: Well, actually AI will make puppies obsolete in 2 years. Replies: How do you cook them?

Sure. You can pay $9.99 to stream an old film online or you can buy it on dvd for $3 from an op shop and then return it when you’re done. Video libraries still exist… hidden in charity stores.

We're all hedonists on a budget.

Today I have been mostly listening to Pat Benatar.

I see you baby ... faking that ass [-assination attempt] ... faking that ass [-assination attempt] ... faking that ass [-assination attempt]

We’re no longer excited about the future. We dread it. This is a relatively new thing.

If you type LOL but don't actually laugh out loud at something, AI is now enabled to immediately kill you.

Time for your 9pm ‘failed assassination attempt,’ Mr President.

Quite a world where there’s another assassination attempt and everyone just shrugs because they either assume it was faked or they’re disappointed it didn’t succeed.

🎵Earbud in a toilet I know… I know it’s serious🎵

You're not a bad person if you like a terrible person's art. You're a bad person if you defend a terrible person's behaviour just because you like their art.

Man marries his own opinions in touching Bluesky ceremony.

I like my martinis like a like my women - cold and smelling like gin.

Things don't live rent-free in your head. You're paying them. Every day. Every moment.

Without leaf-blowers we would all just quietly be looking at some nice leaves.

You won’t believe what happened next… because it didn’t.

Psst. The satire isn't working.

Perfection exists somewhere between surprise that you finished your meal so quickly, and being chastised for 'letting it get cold'.

Government departments should get bonuses for spending money, not saving money.

Threads: We're being slowly killed by despots and billionaires. Blueksy: We're being slowly killed by despots and billionaires. Twitter: We're being slowly killed by despots and billionaires. Instagram: How does Supergirl pierce her ears?? This shit is crazy!!

Genuinely can't tell if this miserable feeling I have that everything I love is being ruined, compromised and corrupted is just a natural part of getting old, or because I live in a time where everything is being ruined, compromised and corrupted.

I don't want to boast, but I was thinking and writing things before AI.

Good luck to anyone trying to write comedy.

Me (singing): "Hey... good lookin'... what you got cookin' How's about cookin' somethin' up... (screams the last two words) WITH ME!!!!!"

Lookalikes Cannot explain this, but young Eric Roberts looks more like Jonathan Rhys Meyers than Jonathan Rhys Meyers. @tonymartin.bsky.social

Today I have been mostly listening to Massive Attack.

Now that Project Hail Mary is a success, can we please have a sequel to The Nice Guys?

Bluesky has now added a ‘this time he’s gone to far’ button to save us all time.

I watch Akira about once a decade, thinking, this will be the year I finally understand it. But I never do. I like it though.

Our work, news, entertainment and social communication now all come from the same screens. This isn't healthy.

Rohan Shearn takes a look at James Hazelden's Head | Thorax | Abdomen - currently playing at the La Mama Theatre Courthouse until 26 April 2026. artsreview.com.au/head-thorax-...

It’s my dog’s birthday so I filmed myself doing something for him because that’s what dogs want.

A dark, mysterious mind trip from the edges of reality, La Mama Theatre presents James Hazelden's Head | Thorax | Abdomen this April. artsreview.com.au/head-thorax-...

On the Couch features James Hazelden - who is the Playwright of Head | Thorax | Abdomen - which will be presented at the La Mama Theatre Courthouse from 8 - 26 April 2026. artsreview.com.au/on-the-couch...

Would be completely unsurprised to find out this was legitimate.

Link in my bio.

Social media: Did you know that these clearly scripted scenes, with a number of takes and camera angles, were completely improvised and then left in the film?

There are 418 days till Easter but I can already see hot cross buns in the shops. Disgraceful.

Someone just blocked me on social media because we disagreed about whether they should remake Murder She Wrote.

Comments sections need an apology button that absolutely no one would use.

Wyatt Earp: How you doin' Doc? Doc Holiday: Not sure I'm up for this today, man. Wyatt Earp: Don't wanna shoot some people? That's not like you. Doc Holiday: I just... feel so tired all the time. Excerpt from my new movie, Gunfight at the Not Ok Corral.