If I were a tornado I would strike at 1 p.m. on the first Wednesday of the month to maximize carnage.

Say what you will about Caligula, but he appointed an *entire* horse to a government position, not just the rear end.

This is what happens when you know like eight people. Still can’t believe he wanted his personal pilot to run the FAA last term.

Always fun to witness history while I’m working.

I'm gonna hold a moment of silence for the MN GOP's morals and sense of decency. Because unlike a certain killer cop, they're actually dead.

They deemed this guy more electable than Tafoya. Think about what that says about her ... and their voters.

Laweryson could be one of those sneaky guys who never really put it all together as a pitcher until he also hit his physical prime. He's doing things with his arm that he's asked it to do before he had the strength, experience, composure, etc., than he has now. Keep an eye on that guy.

Welcome back to the big leagues, Cody ... can you play second base?

Whether it's Kamala Harris spending $300 of her own money on Le Creuset cookware enameled with porcelain or Donald Trump spending $100 million of taxpayer money on shrines to himself plated with gold, both candidates made some puzzling expenditures.

There sure is something familiar about that Phillies closer.

The Twins might've set a record there on Lee's triple for the fastest three runs in history, as in the fastest that three different runners touched home. As Kriedler was crossing the plate, Keaschall was about halfway between 3rd and home and Buxton was already at third at a dead sprint.

Safety squeeze with Outman? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

graphic design is their passion

Topa comes in to face 7-8-9 with a six-run lead in the 7th inning. He walks the 7 hitter. Hits the 8 hitter. And gives up an RBI single to the 9 hitter (old friend Christian Vázquez. Two fly outs and two more singles and he's finally removed.

guy who showed up on the target field scoreboard "dance cam" apparently though it was "motorboat cam" much to the delight (?) of his date

“It’s another bluebird day at Target Field! C’mon out to the old ballgame today and discover an excruciating and bizarre new way a Minnesota sports team can find a way to lose!”

I missed the handshake line tonight, dammit. How were the handshakes? Firm? Sincere? Grudging-respect-filled?

Two pitches, two homers for Byron Buxton against Woodbury's (and Miami's) Max Meyer. But that's all the Twins have done so far, and Sim is still in his rut so they're down 4-2 after three innings.

Rod Stewart, welcome to the resistance.

Saw a headline that said, "ICE targets Plan B after backlash to mega-jails plan" and I have to admit, my first thought was, "How is ICE going to stop the distribution of contraceptives?" I soon realized my mistake. Yet the question my weird brain asked might actually be more relevant soon.

Which movies have become documentaries in Trumpland? Weekend at Bernie's Idiocracy Honey, I Shrunk the President's IQ ...

Taco Tuesday becomes Crunchwrap Supreme Wednesday.

If Suter and Parise were still here they'd already have called Adam Oates and reserved ice time at Braemar for Wednesday morning.

It’s a damn shame they’re playing the Stanley Cup Final in the first week of May.

King Henrik is off tonight because it's Jurgen Klopp's night to use their teeth. Yeah, that one is gonna land with about six people but I don't care because I'm one of them.

I wonder if trading your entire bullpen is a good idea? Still need more data before I can decide.

It really is amazing how much sports studio shows (pre- and postgame NHL, NBA, etc.) are convinced that we give a flying fuck about their little inside jokes. The CBS/Paramount+ soccer crew is the worst about it but Inside the NBA and the TNT NHL panel aren't much better.

My condolences to all Angels and White Sox reporters for what they're enduring tonight.

Will the Wild and Timberwolves have a shared championship parade? You know, so the sanitation departments don't have to clean up all the streamers and confetti twice.

The Twins got three outstanding stars this weekend from Ryan, Bradley and Ober. And they still got swept because they didn't hit in the clutch (or at all, really) and their bullpen is a dumpster fire.

Once again, this is what you get when you trade every viable arm from your bullpen on July 31 and then spend the next eight months doing nothing to replace them.

Three non-ABS challenges in a half-inning, all three go Twins way (out call at first overturned; safe call at second not overturned; out call at second overturned). That's gotta be some kind of record.

Sacramento's keeper looks like a Bond villain's henchman.

Go figure ... only a small handful of human beings showed up to watch the Twins-Red Sox game on Tuesday, yet one of them happened to be a toxic asshole.

Ober loves to let his outfielders really explore the space out there.

The skies are angry.

Threatening war crimes IS a war crime.

I can't take seriously right now any political conversation that isn't entirely focused on impeachment or the 25th Amendment. After what we've seen the last week, what else matters? What's the point of either of those measures if THIS doesn't satisfy their parameters?

I wouldn't last more than 5 minutes in the White House Press Corps because pretty much as soon as she opens her mouth, I turn into Green Shirt Guy.

I've covered four of the Twins' five home games so far this year and I'm pretty sure that each time, the national anthem was sung by one of the winners of their tryouts or contest or however they pick average janes and joes to sing the anthem. Which is one way of saving money, I guess.

get him out of this job before millions die

I used to really enjoy April Fool's Day. I have always been one who's appreciated a good prank, whether by me or on me. However, it's become almost impossible to pull off a good prank with any level of satisfaction because people have become so damn gullible, they’ll believe anything they hear.

Pete Hegseth is just the weirdest motherfucker ever.

Check it out. Or don't. I mean, you know what you like to listen to better than I do. But we had fun recording this and it will prove entertaining for all or your money back.

He also said his players were Feeling Strangely Fine.

Sengun is the real deal.

Modesto: Famously not that sweet

Tyler Bertuzzi should be getting booed every time he touches the puck here, but there is little to no institutional knowledge in the Wild fan base. I guarantee if Al Secord or Denis Savard had a nephew playing in the league, North Stars fans would've eviscerated him.