Instagram saw it first

How does the “moments” feature on Scruff work? I keep get pictures from people I’ve never chatted with and it’s annoying.

Gooooood morning! ☀️

One of the (many) benefits of working from home is that I can take an afternoon shower

Might fuck around and get fast food for dinner tonight

I don’t show hole on this account

Working from home vibes on a Friday

Did Jimmy Fallon get canceled too? Because that’s one cancellation I can get behind

Amazing feeling when you’re talking to a guy and he says let’s exchange face pics, so I send mine first then he doesn’t send his and the conversation abruptly ends 🤡

The union representing the musicians from Jimmy Kimmel’s band releases a statement calling the FCC’s pressure on Disney “state censorship.”

Why are republicans obsessed with trans people? Very telling if you ask me

Ufff

It has not gotten better, in fact it’s gotten much worse

He deserved an Emmy for the marching band scene alone. Soooo good.

Next year a funny woman or a gay needs to host the Emmys

I know the edible hit because when I got on the path to Jersey city, I thought oh wow they’re playing music on it now. Turns out I had my AirPods in.

For the longest time, I thought this guy had veneers, but then I saw pictures of his family and they all had the same teeth so wait maybe they ALL have veneers?

These mf-ers. If they didn’t make it so hard I wouldn’t go all OCD about buying tickets :::takes deep breath:::

How do you answer the phone?

Everyone: isn’t that sad about Charlie Kirk? Me:

If there’s a hell, I hope Charlie Kirk is there.

178,901 people in the queue for Gaga tickets is insane

Chuck Schumer has long been part of the problem. He’s got to go. @schumer.senate.gov

Plays Mayhem for the umpteenth time

Hey Siri, play Sunday Morning by No Doubt

A perfect afternoon in Astoria.

The face of a woman who knows the truth will come out!! #rhoc

Like a fine wine, Seth Rogen keeps getting better with age 🥵

I threw some ribs in my slow cooker before I went to work this morning. I’m gonna fuck that shit up when I get home tonight. nom, nom, nom 😋

I wouldn’t blame Madonna if she blocked me but I still need to know

What kind of maniac puts butter in the toaster???????

Would I be jinxing everything if I took the air conditioners out of my windows?

????????

New underwear for those keeping track

Debating if it’s worth my sanity to go to Trader Joe’s on a Sunday afternoon 🤔

Stefani Germanotta will FOREVER be famous. I won’t forget last night anytime soon.

Same. I’ve been wondering this for a while now.

I GOT ‘EM!!!!!!!!!

Lots of really bad hot takes on this app as of late

Adding this to my work email signature 🤭

One of these days, I gotta ask the guy that works at the bodega why he insists on putting potato chips at the bottom of the bag

Brb going to see if I can find any tix to The Mayhem Ball in NYC that won’t make me go broke

My eyes are up here 👁️ 👃 👁️

Been looking forward to this since they announced it. Can’t wait.

Muting the Swifties

Mentally preparing myself for tonight’s finale of The Gilded Age #thegildedage

Reminder that Andrew Cuomo is a huge d-bag loser

This dude I hooked up with (within the last month) messaged me on instagram asking me to vote for him and his bf as America’s favorite couple. I didn’t even know he had a bf. Wtf!?

Instagram now has a repost feature and I just know some of the people I follow are gonna abuse the shit out of it

Next time I'm leaving the skins on the chickpeas because that took entirely too long