goon ice cream is crazy

any video game ever: here is a limited resource you should be careful not to use too often me: never use? got it! game: no- me: hoard like a dragon, heard you cloud and clear!

goon ice cream is crazy

i went and bought a christmas tree today the worker asked if i was going to put it up myself i told him no i’m putting it in the living room

i hate when this happens :3

guys i relapsed 😔

I somehow have already eaten 750 calories of sugar cookies I’m cooked

guys i relapsed 😔

so i just got affiliate on twitch and my first 10 minutes on stream i got 10 gifted subs from an anonymous user it is such a good feeling :3

*beavers see running water* we are absolutely putting a stop to this nonsense

*beavers see running water* we are absolutely putting a stop to this nonsense

fuck my morning skinny goes hard

I skeeted one political thing during election night and someone put me on a list about accounts that post too much political content lmao

I am alive

can’t believe they merged together

can’t believe they merged together

when you realize, in the middle of driving, that you legit haven’t been paying attention at all… like how am I alive? who gave me a license??

can we talk about how kid rock looks nothing like adult rock

can we talk about how kid rock looks nothing like adult rock

lunch

lunch

i just drank fifteen 5 hour energies this means i will have energy for over three days i did the math.

i just drank fifteen 5 hour energies this means i will have energy for over three days i did the math.

I want to be rich enough where I shop online from high to low

why the fuck would we leave it to a beaver

guys they didn’t let me order 🫸🏽🙄🫷🏽

am I allowed to have raising canes twice in one day

I’m ready for the Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson fight

so serrano got robbed

I’m ready for the Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson fight

remember when cupcakes had this huge moment in like 2010 and cupcake shops opened everywhere and you couldn’t get normal desserts anywhere and u had to eat gigantic dry cupcakes that were $15 each

these perfume names are getting out of hand

um did a rooster write this???

me stopping the microwave at 0:01 seconds so it doesn’t beep

i've got a bag of quarters and the afternoon off. 🫣

america. where assault weapons will protect your family, but two dudes getting married will destroy your family.

america. where assault weapons will protect your family, but two dudes getting married will destroy your family.

stop telling me your newborns weight and length. I don’t know what to do with that information.

the fortune teller flips over your tarot card and looks confused you lean forward to sneak a glance. “is-is that a flaming dumpster?” you ask nervously

bluesky I believe my handle is very valid

bluesky keeps on lagging because so many new people are finding their new home. that’s amazing :)

eating deep fried butter is the closest i’ve gotten to doing heroin

steven: good evening stephen: good ephening

*a pig opens the door for me* thank you, ha’am.