“Ah, but you forgot one simple thing, Montresor: the quotes. You can turn the replies off and hide all the comments you find displeasing, but…” (leans forward) “…you forgot to turn off the quotes.”

every few months, americans are asked to resume their banquet and pretend a shooting didn't just happen

Threat Level: Midnight 2: One More Time, A Michael Scarn Adventure

You have to be caring for people to care about you

Jake Tapper was ready to use his pocket square as a tourniquet if needed until he realized he had some chutney on his chin so he used the pocket square to wipe that off.

every prestige reporter being at the site of Something and their combined skills and brainpower producing literally nothing is the most on the nose thing i've heard since at least Thursday

“The Aristocats!”

I’ve been at some awkward dinners and wanted to leave early but I’ve never staged a(nother) fake shooting to get out of it.

A sandwich shop called The Last Great American Hero. All sammies are named for heroes specific and general. Anyone who orders a Cop or something stupid gets told to go dumpster dive in the back. Or an adult adventure park, but that would make money.

I was told that F-5s were too old to matter

I don’t know how to tell people this other than by shouting it through cupped hands like Meryl Streep at the Oscars, but YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO TRUST OR EVEN BELIEVE WHAT TECH BROS CLAIM. In fact you should treat anything they say with extreme prejudice and suspicion.

Irony would be if this gets enacted only to then be used on the miscreants currently dismantling America. (To be clear, the death penalty is the problem.)

That’s queer, too.

These guys sound pathetic. I have one kid but he and I can make up stories on the spot. He’s four.

The Access of Evil

Imagine losing 12 in a row, then winning back to back games so you think you’ve come out of the slump, then you lose to the Colorado Got Dang Rockies.

Spirit is easily the worst airline I’ve ever flown on, and I’ve flown on a C-2 Greyhound.

at a job interview "whats your biggest weakness?" "understanding the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics" "could you give an me an example?" "yes i could"

Psst ... we've got another war going on. Wanna know something else? War literature is, wait for it, literature! Novels like THE SURGE ought to be on your reading list (in my totally biased opinion). #FridayReads tortoisebooks.com/store/thesurge bookshop.org/p/books/the-...

Hey @kylec.bsky.social I know you’re not on the entertainment side of 9 News (though you are entertaining), but why is your network laundering Live Nation’s dirty laundry?m This reads like a press release. www.9news.com/article/ente...

I submit the military promotion system is far more Willy Wonka than Wrestling.

Actual dipshit

Always wild to watch when Bluesky becomes Sportsky

The humanities aren’t dead, they’ll live so long as there are deliciously wicked essays like this one.

There are actual admirals (dumbasses, but still) who have treated this joke of a ship dream (not a design, not a class, not even a concept of a plan) as something serious. They deserve to be mocked.

Its always so interesting how "Anti-AI extremists" are always "hysterical" and "loud" but AI "enthusiasts" are always just hopeful and optimistic (maybe hyping at best) and nothing else

To be fair, Spirit Airlines is the most qualified airline to be Trump’s national carrier. Spirit sucks.

Wait a minute, you’re telling me there was a TV show called “Star Wars: Clone Wars” and a different TV show called “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”?

That genre is a whole thing now.

The Fart of the Deal

Manifestos: not just for school shooters and revolutionaries anymore. Tech bros are telling us who they are.

Me, after I pour their kibble and they stare up at me, blankly:

announcing ILÚVATAR, my multi-billion dollar company which will specialize in the dismantling of all other idiotically tolkien-named entities, that they shalt see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the music in my despite

A non-shockingly high number of sports conspiracies in the thread and quotes.

Weird* to see so many myths persist 27 years after the shooting at Columbine High School. *Not weird. The longer in time you travel from when a myth takes hold, the more solidified the myth has become.

How does the annual Annapolis Croquet Match between the Naval Academy and St John’s College contribute to warfighter lethality?

Gonna sue The Atlantic for $500 billion because they never read my book HILLS HIDE MOUNTAINS.

Fuck you

The Navy-Marine Corps team sure is muffing this whole LSM thing. No surprise there.

RFK Jr, salivating:

Petition to replace all Wilhelm screams with Goofy yells, then we’ll see how silly these movies seem.

Simply put, fuck Palantir.

Had my first run-in with a likely AI-generated cookbook, and it’s just…dumb. Pages don’t match table of “content” [sic], pictures don’t match recipes, intro is boring and repetitive. Just sad.

The Strait of Hormuz is open but you can only travel at the speed of Zeno’s arrow to traverse.

I left the Catholic Church because of how they abused and aided the sexual abuse of children the world over. Sean Hannity left the Catholic Church because his fee fees got hurt (and not because of the sexual abuse). Simple conclusion: Sean is okay with sexually abusing children.

This movie serves as a visual and thematic leitmotif for my first novel HAVE SNAKES, NEED BIRDS. Sera tells John, before he heads back to war, to “be the Good. If you can’t be good, be the Ugly.”

Schrodinger’s Strait of Hormuz

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

Anyone sincerely using these garbage generation machines is a moron and a monster.