You did squirt, good

Harry Styles' "Asleep! at the Disco"

French Gen Zs must loooove talking to their cats, huh

In my sisyphus era

im on thst typo shit laetly

[Lauren Bacall voice] My favorite time of week is -end

In a world full of river runoff, the Aperol Spritz is a cocktail foist upon us by Big Color™ and I lap that shit up

In LA, snow comes in bumps not banks

some gay guy music video night themes for your weekend: - women on cars (empowering) - women in office buildings - women walking - women in STEM - some men allowed - canonically lesbian

survivor time :)

Heading out for a hookup like, gonna go run some Aarons...

hump day 🐪 calls for the raw that broke the damsel's back

OK so, oak eh? sow, oh queso...

Yeah I'm on a keto diet: stickin a keto my nose and bumpin that 🤣🤣🤣

Also me: You don't need a trojan horse to breach my backdoor. Unzip my package, I'm open source

Also me: They call me Loogie Mangioni the way I spit on it, hacktuah

Also me: Lumberjack me off, no questions axed

I will no longer be posting hacky jokes

No one ever fills the Brita in my one bedroom apartment 😤

They will see us Wuthering from such great Heights, calm down now, they'll say

[on walkie talkie] *krrrschh* Come over. Cum. Over.

"Hi, good how are you? Yes, I'll take the large two topping, please" "Sir, this is an orgy"

Spent all afternoon trying to write one paragraph of a lit review. I've got 27 tabs open and the intro of an entirely different paper written

I love my lil monster 😘😘 @sullyhasthots.bsky.social

ummm actually it was Valentine's *monster*

white women peaked with Maggie Rogers, specifically getting critique from Pharrell

manifesting the year of METTE

it's a me, a compromising scenario!

Out: Bottom fishing In: Topaganda

I need someone to explain why all couches are in the pocket of Big Gray™

many such cases

born to pet photography forced to set typography (Microsoft Word)

us

Wine is 𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 fruit salad am i right, ladies?! ha ha hhh

Boots, that's my ego boost,

when the cat's away, the mouse will run all its errands

Y'all should try Fotogenic Cock Friday sheeeeeeesh back it up, light the scene

I need the suboccipital release equivalent of popping a Barbie doll's head off

pushing his buttons gives me that joie de peeve

just me and 27K other gay people 🥰🥰

[Nelly Furtado voice] he's a home-maker make him cook hard make him mend hard make him wash your clawfoot tub

Tired: You up? Wired (overhead): I could use a light rail. Inspired: Is the bussy still running?

i'm working laaaate cuz i let it linger

I've got my phone pocket and my literally everything else pocket

Never using the word 'praxis' is praxis

good things cum to those who bate

[Beatles voice] All you need is Kill! ᴰᵁᴺ ᴰᵁnun duₙᵤₙ

just another gay in higher ed

Free hump day captions for you rapscallions: Pillage my village Loot my chute Plunder my under Sack my back Pilfer my filther Siege my reej