Not My House But I Know My Way Around

Me: I'm gonna make this fried rice really spicy Also me: wow this fried rice is really spicy

I need happy brain chemicals. Heres a thick dick.

The economy is so bad you might as well follow your dreams, right? gofund.me/ca31df484

Put on a silly little outfit today, please clap

I need to go to more fancy restaurants this year, I need to be served more cubes and cylinders and tetrahedrons of food

My favorite thing about software/tech forums is the ubiquity of this exchange: Person 1: "hey I'm having this issue, is there a way to fix it" Person 2: "well I've never had that issue"

Bald headed and baby faced for the new year

Ins and outs for 2026: OUT: Performative ins and outs lists

This is the dick potato! Reskeet for good dick in 2026!

I'm not waiting until midnight to pop this $11 bottle of bubbles

I'll be honest, this year was shit. And not in the millennial "lol fuck this year" kind of way. There were highlights, thank god there were highlights, but between those bright spots shit got very, very dark. I'm feeling (maybe delusionally) optimistic about next year, though, we'll see.

I don't care about your best nudes of the year, tell me your best joke of the year, you COWARDS I'll go first: Benson Boone? You mean Dua Flipa?

I don't have a well-defined "type" but if you're 5'6" or shorter you immediately have my attention and probably my hole

Highly recommend this for your mouth and/or butthole needs

Merry crisis from not one, not two, but THREE mirrors

Who wants to make out with me (GOOD KISSERS ONLY)

All this drunken karaoke is great but my social battery is depleted? So I will? Be hiding in the bathroom? For the rest of the night?

is it really xmas eve if you're not taking nudes while your parents are out euthanizing a cat? (I had no emotional attachment to this cat) (also humor is how I cope, leave me alone) (also this is the second cat they've had to put down while I was visiting, so that's fun)

Happy holidays, y’all

Airport fit

I'm so excited to get on a plane and go to Idaho, can't you tell Also happy tummy Tuesday and softie Saturday and thirsty Thursday and wiener Wednesday and

I love how people talk about a male loneliness epidemic and then every piece of content I see aimed at straight women is like "craving intimacy and deep connection? you stupid bitch. here's 15 ways you can convince yourself that it's actually cool to alienate yourself from the concept of love"

Do you think the Grinch has a "Who Rescued Who?" sticker on his car?

I must not discourse. Discourse is the mind-killer. Discourse is the little-death that brings obliteration. I will close the app. I will ignore notifications. And when it has passed I will turn my inner eye to see anything else. Where discourse has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Do I add more or do I leave it here????? I can't decide, pls hlp

It is finished

Just saw a very earnest tiktoker be like "you don't understand, being a really really attractive gay guy is so isolating, people pretend to be your friend but they just want you for your body" And can I just say, from the bottom of my heart: shut the fuck up

December 20, 2025 Sunset

They need to invent a camera that captures the divine spark within everything

They need to invent a camera that sees me the way I see myself in the mirror

My deepest apologies to anyone who witnessed me being an outrageous woman tonight

Hey y'all this is bluesky with media in DMs, aka objectively better bluesky. You should probably go join maybe

I saved up a load for a hookup today but now I have to wait on a guy to fix the dryer, please respect my privacy during this difficult time

Oh I live

I got locked out of my IG account back in July and had to make a new one, so if you followed me over there you should follow this one tinyurl.com/8aj9u5b4 Nude for traction

I'm hungry, but what am I hungry for? Power? Fame? Arby's 4 for $10 Classic Roast Beef Sandwiches?

Admittedly the belly is really the focus here

Admittedly the belly is really the focus here

come for the belly peek, stay for the creative process peek

Hey, have a good weekend.

Softie on a Saturday.

Would anyone like to hear my theories about various food mascots

Still sick so here's an archival #fcf

Should I drink some nyquil and a diet coke at the same time? My body's saying let's go, but my heart is saying no

FINE you can look