I don’t understand a word Radiohead says yet still listen to them. See, it’s easy.

#snowday #trees

I live on an island that juts out into the sea and I would very much like the US to NOT attack Iran. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

I hate sports, bye Pete

I still can’t wrap my brain around people convincing themselves that Kid Rock is better than Eminem

One day soon we won’t call them phones

I’m glad frogs were taken back

You can’t charge me more because of unprecedented times. At this point we are very very precedented!

Who needs hurricane prediction data anyways amirite?

Not to be dramatic but this Mets win might be the equivalent of the Grimace game. Grit and determination. No looking back. Mark my bloop (what I call posts here)!

I hate to be critical here but the Mets 5 borough mascot race is totally rigged. No issue with the Bronx never winning but the Brewers sausage race is way more exciting and competitive. No one runs like the Staten Island ferry. No one.

Richard John Smith as Obi in Three-Fingered Jack, artist unknown, 1819, 📸 by Gregory Shamus

The Friends tab makes me realize how few of my actual friends post on FB

made a meme about my mental state

What morning newsletters do you recommend that don’t start with “Trump did xyz”

If we made it through the Jay Leno era, surely we can get through whatever this all is together

The truth is helpless when up against perception

When you wish someone happy birthday on Facebook, Atleast have the decency to remove the comma so it looks like you actually wrote it 🥳🎉🎁

Be kind and assume positive intent while also raging against the machine

I’m finally in the 1%!

It’s beautiful how the #eclipse unites us all together as one then we immediately go back to complaining that there are fewer Doritos in a bag these days

So did we beat the lanternflies or what?

Using an epipen was the scariest moment of my life followed by awestruck relief at how fast it worked. Epinephrine is a fucking miracle, and it breaks my heart how inaccessible it is. Here’s your chance for lazy online activism to nudge your congresscritter:

I’ve known my children for ~11 years and still don’t know what they eat