Love is in the air? WRONG. Deadly neurotoxin.

Guyssss guess who’s having Misericordia renovated with an accusing parlor! Now I can gather all my closest friends in one place to methodically weed out moles and traitors with the aid of scrawled notes and sharp objects 🥰

Ex still texting you? Chlorine gas attack. Works every time.

If my dear friend Jackie @jacquelinerenier.bsky.social takes revenge on someone, is it a RATaliation? 🤔🐀

How To Deal With Criticism Step 1 - denial Step 2 - repeat step 1 ad infinitum

Remember, a good skincare routine is essential to maintaining those femme fatale looks! I like to start with an ammonia rinse, a round of revitalizing belladonna eyedrops, and a tasteful foundation before the rest of your cosmetics — anything lead-based will do 💜

Just heard the funniest rumor you guys, some people think I’m a vampire! Just because i’ve been young and beautiful and perfect for fifty years! The nerve!

Struggling to get those Black Friday deals? Try this hot trick to clear the competition at your favorite boutique! Airborne sedatives 😌 Works every time!

Ok, tinder didn’t light, bumble had no buzz, and grindr was… interesting. Men these days just can’t hold their arsenic. Ugh! I’m swearing off love again. Hello bluesky, what’ve you got to offer?