I’m taking a ceramics class this Spring! What should I make? It’s hand-building, not wheel-thrown.

12 years ago we took Phuglee for his first boat ride up the Colorado River ♥️

Several years ago babysitting my friend’s 8 year old daughter, playing Old Maid, I made a joke about me being an old maid. She confidently said, “No Auntie, you’re a spinster.”

Degree programs like nursing and education are no longer considered “professional degrees” and are therefore not eligible for more federal financial aid. This is Trump’s way of forcing students to take out high interest loans with private lenders who will profit from their indentured servitude.

People who walk in the street when there’s a sidewalk. What the fuck is their problem?

I did NOT just see a grown man in a diaper and onesie on my skyline. Actually, I did and just wish I hadn’t.

Pour one out for the relationships that don't last after buying a couples' costume.

SKIMS is selling merkins.

Currently ♥️

I see these videos online of people causing trouble on flights and I just don’t want to ever fly again because I’ll want to punch a motherfucker in their gotdam throat if they get squirrelly. I don’t need to go to jail.

Enjoying the cool evening💖

If you see this, post a concert pic you took. The Flaming Lips a few weeks ago at the Santa Barbara Bowl🎉

Instead of reading books with my nephew, or taking him outside to play, his mom posts on Facebook all day. I can’t help but think he would be saying a lot more words if she worked with him instead of being all over social media. It angers me.

Every year, on the National Day of Remembrance for Charlie Kirk, I’m going to make a donation to Planned Parenthood.

10:03am is too early to be seeing hard core porn on the skyline.

Hello from Lady ♥️

Going to start signing off my work emails with, “see you in Valhalla.”

THIS is who should be getting a Presidential Medal of Freedom 💯

A Twitter “friend” unfollowed me for not being sad about Charlie Kirk. Note: I’m under no obligation to feel sorrow for the death of a man who didn’t feel much sorrow for the deaths of a lot of other people. It doesn’t mean I’m glad he’s dead.

Excuse me Walmart?

Dinner is 7 different cheeses and a few slices of iberico jamon. Paper plate because I’m classy.

Update: My sister said she’d go with me if the tickets don’t sell🙏♥️She doesn’t listen to this kind of music. She likes heavy metal😆

I have tix to see the flaming lips and modest mouse in a few weeks and no one to go with so I’m trying to sell them. 20 years ago I would’ve gone alone and had fun. Now I’m turning 50 and I’m an anxious mess.

Just saw a selfie of a dude in a diaper on here. How very Twitter.

Ok. Wow. So I have a guy that buys content from me. He asked if he could share some of his. Boy did he share! I just saw a slew of amateur gay porn and a few hetero videos from different angles. It was interesting to say the least.

Pulled two chin hairs with my bare hands if you’re looking for a sexpot.

What movie have you seen an unhealthy number of times?🎬

Y’all, I have EIGHT prescriptions waiting for me at Walmart. Do you realize how many texts that is?!

My union is in negotiations for our next contract. Please let there be a salary increase 🙏

Mick Jagger is having another baby at age 82 and you can’t even get a text back.

If you’re at my front door with a clipboard, I’m definitely not answering.

Hate it when I see this amazing nature setting online and the caption talks about how it’s a 9 mile hike to get to it.

I’m in love ♥️

Today’s meal. Omaha Steak burger. Medium. Brioche sesame bun. Habanero Jack cheese. Horseradish mustard. Would have been better if I had thawed and seasoned it first and not overcooked it slightly. I like a little more pink. You?

My 15 year old dog will not allow me to groom him anymore so I’m going to drug him this weekend and shave him down when he’s super sleepy. My vet gave me Trazadone for when I bring him in because he’s so anxious about being examined. I have one left.

The finished product. The inside was still pink and it was so damn juicy!

2 Kansas City Steaks steak burgers. They smell so good! Going to melt habanero jack cheese on them.

Craving loco moco… If you don’t know, find out.

I overcooked the steak but it was still tender and juicy!

Getting started…

Take the steak out of the fridge. Pat it dry. Season with pink Himalayan salt and black pepper. Put garlic and herb butter and canna butter in a pan with sliced white mushrooms and a dash of Pinot Noir. Sauté. Plate mushrooms. Bring pan up to hot. Add ghee. Sear each side of the steak…

My dad had a bunch of Omaha steaks and burgers in his freezer when he died so I took them. Defrosted this baby and going to cook it up tomorrow. Thanks dad!

I haven’t shaved my legs in 2 years.

Chris Martin’s conscious uncoupling powers are growing. Stay vigilant

I don’t know what’s more embarrassing. Being caught cheating on camera or attending a Coldplay concert?

When you see on DoorDash that your favorite Asian restaurant has a secret menu

My mind does this stupid thing for a second where I think I’m dog sitting Lady for my dad and I want to text him how she’s doing.