Hey siri, play Without Me by Eminem

Against all odds, this is still true four days later after a back to back

“Halloween costumes encouraged” for our all day work meeting tomorrow is really just an excuse for me to wear my eagles jersey to work and get away with it

The Sixers are currently undefeated

I’m too tired to stay up for TLOASG I’m so sad but also so sleepy

Doing squats in my workout the day before I have to teach jumps to my cheer girls was not a good choice but here we are (my legs are on fire and practice doesn’t even start for another 6 minutes)

Certain people are acting like such idiots over the politically motivated murder of some fringe, non-elected dickhead, I can’t even imagine how you’re going to react when we celebrate *IT* happening

Jock Jams not being available on Apple Music is criminal. How am I supposed to come up with a cheer routine without the holy grail of cheer music?

I am once again asking In N Out to open a location inside LAX

Is it a job requirement for TSA that you have to be the rudest, most aggressive person possible? If so applause for the staff at LAX, you’re doing great at being complete assholes

Booked our flights through Capitol One and apparently in the fine print they tell you none of your flights are guaranteed? Now we’re on standby and not for a short distance for a flight ACROSS THE COUNTRY. It’s not like we can rent a car and drive from LAX to Philly. I’m so pissed

Our flight has been changed once and our gate has been changed twice so we’re doing great out here just really good

The union are… good

Just locked in a tattoo appointment during my trip to Australia 😍

Not that I’m complaining but why is Party in the USA everywhere again

Living vicariously through everyone who got to see Andrew McMahon at Red Rocks

You know how people mis-hear lyrics? When I was a kid I mis-heard church. Whenever they would say “thanks be to god” I thought they were saying “thanks speedy god” because they only read a quick portion of the Bible rather than the whole thing

I can’t wait to retire

I get to see @jessakah.bsky.social today I’M SO EXCITED

I drive by the road Taylor Swift’s family lived on when she was born (the Christmas tree farm) every day to and from work and Taylor always comes on shuffle and I know it’s just cause I have a lot of Taylor on my phone but it also makes me smile

1/54 ✅

Ryan joins the Cardinals in Dallas this weekend and then a long early June home stand in St Louis. So proud of this kid!

Not living in the city really has its perks. Haven’t seen a cyber truck in weeks

When I said my dream job was to run a summer camp I was not thinking about how labor intensive the three weeks leading up to camp are but here we are

On my third 12 hour shift of the week (camp season is coming iykyk) and I am surprisingly not tired and now I’m just scared it’s gonna got me all at once

Today I coached soccer and I’m gonna be honest with you, I have never played soccer a day in my life. It went really well so maybe it’s not that I’m athletically gifted, maybe I’m just a good bullshitter

Honda of Reading wanted $380 to diagnose a low oil issue because there was a light AND a noise so “iT cOuLd bE tWo pRoBleMs”. I left and went to @freshticles.gobirds.online ‘s guy, he put in a few quarts of oil, scheduled me for an oil change with my inspection next month, and sent me on my way

The riot fest line up is WILD

After 12 years between certs, I’m a lifeguard again (also I have water in my ear 😫)

Vaccines. Do. Not. Cause. Autism.

Lifeguard training at nearly 35 is very different from lifeguard training at 16. I’m cooked 😴

Am I a golf fan now

Remember when nobody at my old job respected me enough to learn how to spell my name right? This is much better

Can we stop the r slur please

BaseBAWL ❤️⚾️

Gators baby

It never feels like you have a lot of stuff until you have to go through every single thing in your house to move. Like, tell me why I found an entire bin of shirts from MIDDLE school under my bed this morning?! Also, I did not throw them out they now live in @freshticles.gobirds.online basement 😬

When you’re moving into your new place and @danawillcutyou.bsky.social has already been there 🎉

Opening week of my favorite sport… really could not have picked a better time to be temporarily unemployed ⚾️❤️💙

Today is a beautiful day to leave your job and move on to better things

Spring awakening was so good

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the city what’s the move

I don’t FaceTime my brothers that often so when I do and they don’t answer I want to punch them right in the mouth

The last Monday at a job that allowed you to thrive professionally in so many new ways but equally sucked the life out of you really hits different

Helly R. going after Milchick with a trombone is iconic

The orange dickhead took a direct shot at the Americans with Disabilities Act today I am fucking HEATED

Raise your hand if you’re as captivated (and terrified) by an old mine collapsing under the middle of a New Jersey highway as me

“Hey, I’m leaving next week, who do you want me to pass x, y, and z duties off to?” “Oh we don’t know yet” Ok I guess I’ll just pass these 25 pages of transition documents I just typed up to… nobody One of the most fantastically mismanaged places I’ve ever worked

Randomly saw someone at the Rocky Statue this morning with a camera crew while I was on my way to work.. turns out it was Brandon Graham

Have to find a nice pic of myself to send with my bio for my new job and I can’t find anything recent where I’m not in a parking lot, in eagles gear, or both