Beautiful thing about this image is that from the businessman’s perspective, he’s decreasing his productivity. Probably made by an AI trying to warn us.

People think Republicans are all sister-kissing inbreds. Not true! Very few Republicans have relationships with their siblings. It’s just that every Republican’s father is also their grandfather.

It really sucks that Fred Rogers’ estate won’t let Brad Lander use Mr Rogers’ song to promote neighborliness, but they will let a real-estate brokerage app advertise with it. C’est la vie.

I can’t believe people are still deluded by “good girl”/“bad boy” after all that Buddha and DMX went through. Form is emptiness, emptiness also is form, and sometimes we want more than just a honey with ass.

Ted Turner was a legend. A pioneer in American mustaches. Invented the super-mustache concept for cable TV as well as the Mustache Network. As a philanthropist, he gave over 1 billion hairs to the UN mustache fund and founded the Razor Threat Initiative to reduce global dependence on Barbasol.

Thanks to @jfrejnyc.bsky.social for knocking doors in the East Village with me today. The mishpocha that canvasses together, wins together! Join us at the next one: mobilize.us/landerforcongress

I was so disappointed I personally had to miss the live #F1 Miami GP, but I’m really enjoying that the media people were forced by US weather to do a solid 4 hours of catch-up and deep-dive content for me. I love all these sportscasters, but I’m also thinking about the boom mic gals/guys. Thanks!

Al menos el búho me extraña.

Business emails are for betas. I’m putting this in my Tinder profile.

Who wants to be greeted as liberator for real? Kenya? Dare you to conquer the US.

HBO was crazy to follow GOT with an even worse prequel show, but their second attempt at a prequel show (Knight of the Seven Kingdoms) is much better. Hope somebody sees it.

Oh my god I’ve just seen a separate commercial that made fun of homeowners for not using exercise machines. This one was for paint.

If the human body is mostly water, there has to be a limit to how much yogurt I can consume before it takes and I become yogurt.

I like the way commercials designed for homeowners but accidentally targeted to me generally taunt those homeowners for poor previous decisions. Got an exercise machine in your basement you don’t use? Of course. You filth. Liberty Tri-State Fumigators.

I honestly don’t get why make a movie for $70mil and write-it-off for $30mil when the middle-range box office (neither smash nor flop) is $30-to-$70mil for an adult comedy. I mean, it could do worse than the $50mil they ended-up selling it for, but it’ll do better than $30. 🤷‍♂️

Prediction markets do not average wrong guesses about international politics into correct guesses. That’s what the New York Stock Exchange is for, and it still doesn’t work.

This is beautiful, and correct. But tangent: you all NEED to search-out Indo-Chinese food (originally from Kolkata’s Chinatown). It is the best food our species has invented.

A broken clock is right twice a day.

The guy who shot the United Healthcare CEO, alleged to be Luigi Mangione, wore a shacket/hoodie combo just like this before disappearing into Central Park near NY’s Trump building. Anyway, I think we all know who did what.

Peter Thiel really turned “Betamaxing” into “Beta-maxxing”. Not just making historically terrible products, but transforming himself into the ultimate loser so he could sad-mogg the world.

Thiel’s correct, though, that the US has a common culture that can easily be defined: cladosporium mold.

Tangent: people need to stop asserting that Thiel is a gay man. He is not a man. He is gay for robots. Please leave gay men alone.

Buying a plane ticket to Mexico for the afternoon of Nov 7, 2028. Plan is to cast an in-person vote, then GTFO before news breaks that Trump refuses to accept the outcome.

Aw, “culling the customer base” is a cute Capital-ism. I believe he’s referring to when “luxury” corporations started selling affordable tshirts and normal people bought them but realized the quality is fake, and stopped, making rich guys with no fashion sense feel stupid. Now they gotta cull us.

Your sobering news isn’t working.

The website has suffered a DDoS (doo doo ass) attack

Not sure I can handle Hegseth mistaking Pulp Fiction for the Bible, quoting the parody at length. Vance’s heresy is extremely normal in comparison. Trad Schismatic. Trump has no idea what any of it’s about: also valid. Hegseth is in Rasputin territory. www.thedailybeast.com/pentagon-pet...

Completely random elections make sense but what’s the most fun semi-random process we could do? I’d love for it to be a Jeopardy! tournament.

Absolutely. To me, it’s millions of people daring each other to do it, none of us selfless enough. Assume this social psychology was going on in ancient Sumerian marketplaces too, but we’re just now getting a clear picture of it.

Overcome with the most unexpected urge to visit Hungary. Gonna start putting paprika on everything until that goes away or I can afford it.

I don’t know about this new woke Pope, man. A trad Pope would have excommunicated Vance by now.

Behold the humble but mighty Rio Grande. Lower side is wonderful hot springs in the US; opposite is incredibly good tacos and tamales for $10 USD. Chinga Tu Muro - Viva America!

Friends, please avenge me, I’m pretty sure this wedding I’m at is about to Kill Bill us.

This guy has quotes disabled, but my two cents is a yes-and: I’ve met women who owned Cybertucks and I agree they’ve never looked down there with a mirror either. Women is incel psychopaths too, go an brush ya shoulda off.

Credit due: I’m in Texas with some alien-believing people and I just stole Thor’s joke and they lost their minds.

C’est une “jerkle cirque”, oui.

Jesus Christ, just got off a plane in Midland Texas and everyone here is obese and bald, neck-bearded and wearing gaming headphones on their heads like hats.

lol, but there are no “chances” in Hungary’s “elections”.

It’s really fucked-up that both of these nerds are happily married to other people.

The only things bigger in Texas are bellies and the sky, which is big because the buildings are small. Texans are confused by emptiness, think it’s substance instead of form.

I went through TSA at LGA at 4am last night wearing a “Zohran for New York City” shirt and a TSA manager guy stopped me to tell me he loved it.

Did you know that if you carry a face mask on you, not only can you be extra civil on public transit, you can throw bricks at Waymo vehicles without consequences?

I love UK SNL, hope the UK does too. Seems like British humor has been trapped in a comedian panel show format for several decades, and that this is a return to Python’s format utilizing everything we learned from 90s TV like Ab Fab.

Wild that the US didn’t pay for satellites to track the Artemis II astronauts on the opposite side of the moon. We can do that. Lunar orbits degrade quickly, but we can certainly keep radio satellites up while we have humans there.

Arm the dolls

Is John Krasinski going to do an action movie about the US pilot that Iran just captured, or nah?

Hey look, Mamdani’s gonna use his budget to offset some of the damage Offset has done to childcare services in the Bronx.

If you’re gonna do disloyalty antisemitism, at least be hipster and equate all Jews with the Adiabene Kingdom of Mesopotamia, or the Himyarite Kingdom of Yemen. Personally, blame my Jewish homies for the Ethiopian Kingdom of Semien, those bastards.

Quand je trouverai les singes qui ont inventé le capitalisme...