Amateur tip: Southern cookin that calls for several slices of chopped bacon is almost always defeated by substituting an equal weight of a pre-cubed pancetta pack, optionally adding a half teaspoon of raw maple sugar to compensate for lack of hickory smoking.

If AIPAC hasn’t fully cooked his brain, it must really sting that the only Dem who gets praised for focusing on affordability is Mamdani. The Brooklyn kid inside Jeffries only ever wanted to be Zohran.

I dunno who needs to hear this but it still counts as “Bombs Over Baghdad” if they’re violating Iraqi airspace on the way there.

Oh my god. They got the entire idea from Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” didn’t they?

So the FCC won’t Socrates, let flies bites horses on the knees. They tried to shut me down with hemlock tea

Personally do not think Pete should have carpet-bombed the Capitol Hill McDonalds, but to be fair their service is a bit slower around 2am.

When Douglas Adams joked about a planet-sized computer that took aeons to spit-out “42”, goofy leftists missed the point and got real “6-7” mystical about the number 42 for several generations. Now that Elon Musk and Sam Altman have happened, I hope we finally learned something.

Upriver steamboat travel was so inefficient that it took 80 years for Cincinnati to discover Louisiana hot sauce. Unsure what prevents them from acquiring Tabasco today tho.

Damn the betting apps, but I’ve got $10 AUD says this is going to be one of those “after a decade of searching with LIDAR, an Aboriginal teenager showed us the crater” type thing.

Hands-down, the most fun and broadly informative museum in New Orleans is the Storyville Museum. If you got time for only one, do that. Also pro tip to watch or rewatch the Interview with a Vampire series after visiting it.

Chairman Mee-ow!

Finna do a Cajun Fusion dish today: pork grillades. It’s “fusion” because I do not care for grits and putting it on rice basically makes it American Chinese food. Honestly, it’s inauthentically Cajun already if you don’t use MSG, I’m just compensating.

F1, Gran Turismo and SONY should partner to let people drive simulated ghost cars alongside the actual drivers’ live positions. No interactions with the real race, just overlaid like a time trial. Snap back to the pits anytime, drop the VR for live broadcast and come back, etc. Pourquoi non?

Thoughts and prayers for the Penguin Random House guys responsible for selling Salman Rushdie’s memoirs about how Padma Lakshmi’s a bitch. With the passing of the Ayatollah, I fear we will forget how divorced Rushdie is.

We need more Jean Auel/Michael Crichton-level projects focused on the Paleogene. Dinosaurs are rad; early hominids banging is hot; but like, what about the middle when dinosaurs moved their party to skies and oceans, and wee little mammals became everything everywhere all at once?

Inventing a new syncretic Creole religion where we somberly chant a “Laissez les bon temps rouler” rosary over biodegradable okra-seed Mardi Gras beads. Faith should be about green-space renewal, mutual aid, music, and orgies, miss me with the rest of it.

Ivy Leagues may be the only woke terrorist madrassas that have honorary professor John Cleese running around screaming ‘Death to Muslims’. Pretty bespoke radicalization, just sayin.

I hope future anthropologists assume that St Mary was an athlete.

Send her this, from Tony Chachere's Cajun Country Cookbook, 8th printing, 1977. Note: 26 oz of salt to 6.5 oz of everything else, including a full ounce of MSG. It was a different time...

Just learning about how long Oceania’s been at war with those poor Eastasians, my bad guys.

In the Netherlands, where “war” means ‘low-lying grassland’, the solution is also to send in the dykes.

Starting to suspect some of you with Iran takes haven’t even consulted the I Ching yet.

Hilarious to hear Christian Horner call his public censure “Kardashians on wheels” whilst Kim is literally on top Lewis Hamilton and the people are loving it.

Damn, all these masked guys in vans must be Iranian sleeper agents, better report this.

Honestly, calling it “Epic Fury” is a very respectful tribute to the chthonic Greek goddesses of jealousy and hysteria. First bureaucrats you gotta deal with in the afterlife if you lie under oath.

In which the guy in the “I have nothing to say about Scientology” t-shirt gets asked questions.

Classic Oracle of Delphi shit, tbh. The Iranian people are indeed a bit more concerned about their human rights today.

Iranian sleeper agents are known for getting caught, but I think Patel has really leveled the playing field.

Sad John McCain isn’t alive to reprise his hit Beach Boys tribute “Bomb Iran”. What have we become.

Say what you want about Epstein, he wouldn’t have wasted 80+ Iranian schoolgirls he’d never seen.

Just checked-in with God: doesn’t remember wrestling with anybody, but He still plans to preserve the Jewish and Persian peoples for all time, yea even unto spaceships, if that helps with the betting apps.

I got a poem in the back right-hand pocket of my other jeans?

If tabloid Mole People rights are human rights then we need to take rodent gyms, where the point is continually eroding their ever-growing teeth, seriously. Separate but equal is not equal.

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I used to find New York’s Second Empire architecture romantic in a Gatsby type way; now I find it romantic in a Les Miserables type way. Before the guillotine comes back, we gotta ban boulevards and bring back the barricades.

Does this signal a reverse on NATO!? (The Arse of Free is the sacred site in Scotland that originated kilts.)

Good to see Hieronymus Bosch is still haunting people. As a Danish goth kid become Renaissance man, he used perspective to lay-out epic Heavy Metal tableaus, but composition to make your eye bounce around on a predictable route. Tells a story inexpressible in words.

Under my regime, Moss will locked in a Criterion closet for reeducation.

Reveals only strategy. Dario literally wants to enslave every US worker to a data center, he’s just balked at leasing that data to junior killer-robot teams because he clearly intends on entering the competition himself.

Good news, boys: it’s just us and the wieners now.

Kicking all the girls out of boy scouts to own the gays. And you thought Hegseth wasn’t a strategist.

I wish they’d do a reboot sequel to Schindler’s List now Liam Neeson’s in a special-set-of-skills place. Which tbh is since Rob Roy in 1995. Could have made an action Schindler this whole time.

Liver might actually shed some tinted light on these weirdos. Much more likely than carrots to poison you with excessive Vitamin A and turn you orange.

Excited for F1 because I’m rooting for everybody for the first time. Red Bull has undergone cancer surgery, Piastri’s teammate got the Championship he was due, Aston Martin is taking bold risks with Honda, Ferrari will be excessively sexy.

In terms of FIA politics, I feel like Sainz and Verstappen are the modern family-dynasty analogues of Lauda and Hunt. Love talented affable Leclerc but wish Hamilton and Sainz were teammates so their Lauda energy could do feedback.

Really rough week for Ice Cube

TIL that “kofunda” is Bantu for an outside bar or party spot, and I will be appropriating Aleti Crystal’s “Point me at the kofunda!” as a personal motto with multiple entendre.

Workin’ on my Catholic charm bracelet in case Brendan Fraser’s mummy comes back. Got my Pope-blessed dragon-slaying guy and dog-headed guy, a chunk of a Roman noblewoman’s grave, and a schismatic icon to the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans.