Our clients knew this was coming. No one does better research than Duke and Duke commodities traders.

It's the first full business day after New Year's Day and the commodities futures markets are open and . . . just going to try to have a normal, quiet day for once. -md

Today's the anniversary of one of the darkest days in our firm's glorious history, when a PCP dealer and a con artist (via an early DEI initiative) defrauded the market and tried to bring us to our knees. Thanks to our derring-do and support from the Zamundan Sovereign Wealth Fund, we came back. 1/2

We wish all our clients, employees, and friends a Merry New Year! Our annual clients-only viewing party for the Mummers Parade from our global headquarters is a highlight of our year.

Our beloved security consultant Clarence Beeks disappeared 43 years ago this week, last seen on an Amtrak Metroliner from Washington DC to Philadelphia on the evening of December 31. Hold space for him in your heart today.

A dark day in our firm's history. Winthorpe was one of our finest talents, and he threw it all away for his PCP and a harlot. Our poor Penelope!

This man trafficked in angel dust. PCP.

It's again that time of year when people mock our firm for falling victim to a pair of scammers, based on a slanted documentary which did not paint our efforts at inclusive hiring in a fair light.

We logged this development for our clients weeks ago; we wood not disappoint them. If you're pining for a smarter commodities brokerage, come find us.

And the perpetrators, Winthorpe and Valentine, remain on a no-extradition Caribbean island with other investors' money.

Our clients were ready for this. We make sure they bring home the bacon. 🐖↗️

Our clients know. Our clients knew before anyone else. And they are quite pleased with our advice.

If anyone failed to understand why we are a full-service commodities brokerage uninterested in the world of equities, you know today. No pork belly, no Florida orange, no cocoa bean or herd of cattle ever got into a pissing match with the President over who was a pedophile.

Release the crop reports. 🍊

We agree that everyone should have timely, accurate access to all crop reports.

We knew. Our sourcing is impeccable.

Um, yeah. We are preparing an update for our clients. Remember that there is no greater form of wealth than the love of family and friends. -md

Our clients knew based on our hard-boiled research team. We would be delighted to poach new clients from our rivals in the commodities brokerage field.

WE ARE SO READY. No one has better sources than our team.

NO COMMENT.

👀

This was, I believe, the worst futures bet since @dukeandduke.bsky.social tried to corner the FCOJ market.

"Gosh, if only I had invested in egg futures," said everyone who's not a client of our commodities brokerage.

The only people this is good for are ... our clients, of course. If you want a commodities brokerage which isn't just guessing at the future, come to us.

👀

If you didn't invest early in egg futures like our clients did, the yolk's on you. We are always open to poaching clients from our competitors, and can help you scramble your commodities portfolio appropriately.

Today is the anniversary of the darkest day of our firm's history, betrayed by a trader who was hiding his double life as a PCP dealer, abetted by an unvetted recent hire. We acknowledge that day because our firm is resilient. While those who robbed us became fugitives from justice, we came back.

Today is the anniversary of the darkest day of our firm's history, betrayed by a trader who was hiding his double life as a PCP dealer, abetted by an unvetted recent hire. We acknowledge that day because our firm is resilient. While those who robbed us became fugitives from justice, we came back.

Some of us understand commodities futures better than the rest. Join our client base today.

NO WE CANNOT.

Our beloved security consultant Clarence Beeks disappeared 42 years ago today, last seen on an Amtrak Metroliner from DC to Philadelphia on the evening of December 31. Hold space for him in your heart today.

We were robbed. THEY committed a fraud on the commodities market.

Our beloved security consultant Clarence Beeks disappeared 42 years ago today, last seen on an Amtrak Metroliner from DC to Philadelphia on the evening of December 31. Hold space for him in your heart today.

In retrospect, holding that year's Christmas Party on Christmas Eve itself was a mistake.

Get ready to call your favorite chocolate bar a Duke and Duke Bar in 2025.

Our clients knew. No one invests more in research.

NOT EVERYTHING IS A GREAT HOLIDAY MOVIE.

No one knows commodities futures like our traders. We are the Egg Men.

We invested heavily in yam futures; our clients will get a decent write-off for this.

Our clients knew. They knew well in advance. We're now more of a main source of potatoes than Maine. And if Wendy's knows what's good for them, they'll come calling so that the red-headed girl with the pigtails can keep smiling. Otherwise ...