BREAKING: ████ ██ ███ ██ ███ ███ ████ ███ ███ ██ █████ Epstein ███ █████ ██████ ██ █████ ███ ███ ███████ █████ ██ ███ ██ ████ ██ ██ ███ ████ ███ ██████

BREAKING: we might be fucked

BREAKING: ████ ██ ███ ██ ███ ███ ████ ███ ███ ██ █████ Epstein ███ █████ ██████ ██ █████ ███ ███ ███████ █████ ██ ███ ██ ████ ██ ██ ███ ████ ███ ██████

🚨 BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all NYC students to carry a 3DS.

BREAKING: Newly elected NYC mayor Zohran Mamdani orders to destroy New Jersey as first order of business

More like no wings! Where's the staff? Get it together Buffalo!

what the fuck dude

OFF THE RECORD: It is kinda crazy how after a year of this shit we are still being confused for the real FOX News when they are not on this platform. We're just a bunch of dudes who got stuck in the White House and can't get out. Help. Please.

nevermind we're back. business as usual

BREAKING: Dennis Prager moves to Curaçao

BREAKING: we got robbed.

LOCAL: Seven Corners renamed to Sixteen Corners due to inflation. "It needs more, to be honest" says resident Robert Bankston.

yea

holy shit we got shadowbanned

BREAKING: Adobe is following Fox News on Bluesky

BREAKING: Popular app Bluesky refuses to see us as the REAL Fox News. How ignorant of them.

BREAKING: Trump to impose 45.6% tariffs on Mars

BREAKING: Someone on Grindr showed me their penis, and this time I asked for it! Life is so wonderful

BREAKING: It's finally time. The people need me.

BREAKING NEWS: Trump is going to put tariffs on... ummm.....hmmmmmm what?

BREAKING: They're doxxing my ass

BREAKING: I just revived myself

BREAKING: i'm gonna kill myself

‎

BREAKING: We have gotten word that the metal band Slipknot is being sued by furries over the name of their Knotfest event. "I really felt scammed" says one furry ticket buyer.

Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance

BREAKING: Live footage of Philadelphia amidst Eagles win at Super Bowl

BREAKING: MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

BREAKING: Bluesky user with positive bank account found dead in Miami

BREAKING: i'm going to CVS does anyone want anything

BREAKING: We will soon be launching FOX News Kids.

BREAKING: thnaks for the support

BREAKING: Vivek Ramaswamy sent back to India by his parents after being told he was going on a trip to Dubai

BREAKING: President Trump has signed an executive order to abandon the use of "DEI-adjacent" pens, substituting black ink for what the administration has deemed 'navy blue'.

OPINION: i just wish someone loved me

BREAKING:

BREAKING: In a stunning turn of events, Macaulay Culkin has set up rudimentary booby traps to overthrow the Trump administration and take over as President of the United States

BREAKING: if you rearrange the letters in tiktok it spells titkok hehehee

BREAKING: Jor biden

BREAKING: We are beefing with the BBC. "We set Big Ben on fire for a reason. It's to show those goofy sounding teethless specimen who's boss around here" says spokesperson Jartholomew McMulligandery

BREAKING: Uh oh! Mark Fuckerdick is being a dumb dumb lil baby bitch again. Goo goo ga ga wah wah. Nananana boo boo. Imbecile

TECH: Plans for Facebook HQ redesign leaked

SPORTS: Gronk and Brady resurrect John Madden from the dead to try and save the New England Patriots

⚠️ WARNING-HEАLTH AND SAFETY BEFORE PLAYING, READ YOUR OPERATIONS MANUAL FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY. Press Ⓐ to continue.

OKAY WHO THE FUCK OPENED A FOX WEATHER ACCOUNT

FACT: This is true.

BREAKING: Flo and Jamie Progressive declared missing after detectives showed up to an empty, seemingly ransacked home. The couple were listed as potential suspects yesterday morning.

BREAKING: i,m soooo drunk ,,