I bet she doesn’t even know the Moh’s hardness of corundum

I have the conversational skills of a kumquat

Forget periods synching up, you know she’s your bestie when your tummy troubles synch up.

I have too much of a breeding kink for someone who probably can’t get pregnant.

Skipping a progesterone dose messes with me more than it has any right to

LinkedIn Wrapped be like: You applied to 8963 jobs this year! You heard back from 2! That puts you in the top 0.6% of applicants!

Getting drunk and watching a musical that you discovered while you were crashing out in college may not be the best decision.

The Iconoclasm

One day I’ll be funny and then they’ll all be sorry

Me to my wife “Don’t be stressed out. Think of the boobies.”

Being trans sucks sometimes but at least people regularly send you pictures of their boobs.

Update she’s like those sneakers tho. And I need to show you the new Outback.

Biweekly doesn’t mean twice a week or every other week it means it’s attracted to all weeks regardless of months.

Cranberry juice is the best

I think the post surgery depression is setting in

Nothing says sophisticated voter like tiny fishnets

The movie “The Hunger” is just the directors cut of the “Total Eclipse of the Heart” music video.

We are a house divided. My wife is against the Oxford comma.

They are.

If there was any doubt how gay my wife is, she’s trying to figure out if she can buy Subaru sneakers.

My wife: Montana… I didn’t even know you could be from Montana

Like can you imagine baseball and during the 7th inning stretch they just drive a Zamboni through the field

The hardest part of a queer relationship is telling your wife that you have too many soap dispensers already.

It’s hard to come up with funny things to say when all that is running through my head is cat noises

I had a dream I was chopping onions badly and it was very upsetting. Just in case y’all are wondering how my mental health has been.

The real trans agenda is add more cat girls to balance out the puppy girls

Nice

Me reading posts I’ve written. “Nice”

The cowboy in my mind when something bad happens “this ain’t so rootin tootin”

Almost pulled off my pinky nail again. I just need it to recover. I’m like losing my mind

Maybe doing a little series for June.

Support local— spend $30 on lube

I have created a lot of chaos with a single croissant

My vampire ladies are up on my Etsy!

I guess this is gonna be a lot of posts about my illustrations

One of my favorite vampires of the recent ones I did

First aid offer just came in! - 133,000 alcohol prep pads - 45,000 needles (various gauges) - 30,000 syringes (various sizes) Not a bad start at all.

I love these pages so much man #GreatGatsbyIIE #comics

I’m gonna give this a little bump and shamelessly self promote the prerelease of the next one www.etsy.com/listing/1870...

Hello to my like 20 followers, I’m getting ready to release the glass for the next year but still have a few sets (and prints) from last year. If you’d like to support me check it out, at the very least I’d appreciate a share! www.etsy.com/listing/1716...

WIP

Fleeting #silvergifting

It’s important that in people’s subconscious I have massive knockers

Sometimes dinner is an entire package of crescent rolls that you definitely didn’t eat by yourself.

I think all sports should have a Zamboni between periods

The rejuvenating properties of a good potato cannot be overstated.

What are you doing at a trade school? They don’t teach barbershop quartet here!

I am not answering anymore questions about the teapot

Sometimes hitting the curb is so gender affirming.