the 2025 skincare trend that's making waves: how to get that sandblasted texture on your face (the answer may be abrasive)

on my way to the concert feeling sanguine #yup

i messed up by moving to a leprechaun neighborhood. if i try to shop at any of the grocers around here i have to buy the family size of everything just to get 1 serving. ostrichsized in a world of doves

edge day ? more like hedge day ! let's see some love for the landscapers . they need it #lonelinessepidemic

i think we should all appreciate @morkmorkmorkmork.bsky.social knowing that one day he'll pass away. let's take a moment to honor him

whenever i'm on a flight i like to intermittently turn off airplane mode for a few seconds just to see if it stirs a little chaos. never does though.. nothing ever really does. so sick of this boring shit ass life 😮‍💨

does anyone care about dave grohl's illegitimate child anymore

i know my Keep Notes app love to see another poem coming

genuinely something wrong with me

i keep getting removed from every beach i go to after pulling out my pail that shapes the sand into the twin towers. we've not forgotten that, but free expression is distant memory.

i think we have to go back in time and give them cans of spray paint. imagine what they could do that we can't even think of now.

#ThePortsAreOutOfShips Went to the Port of Seattle today. Nothing but cobwebs and Tumbleweeds. Dont walk, RUN to your nearest port and PLEASE start Docking and Unloading.

weird how people's names don't really line up with what they do these days. you won't see a Carter transporting goods. or a Harper playing the harp. my nonbinary friend Contra: actually i disagree

that feeling of old fashioned royalty when they put extra sludge on your burger. like ok wow it's a feast for me tonight! but it's missing intense homoerotic tension with my court jester. and all of a sudden i'm pulled back into reality. and it all feels smaller than it was before

i miss you so much

WE'RE LANDING WHERE? THE COLD ONE?

And then it dawned on me...

mining helmet that has a gobo on the light so that it projects the shape of a pelican, but i have ornithophobia so i'm constantly in fight or flight but this is good because my senses are heightened with a steady flow of adrenaline follow for more tips

I SAW WHAT COMES AFTER THIS LIFE AND IT MAKES ME AFRAID

throw pillow? yeah, that's the plan

i'm at the factory where they make peeps and they're all transgender. every single one

And then it dawned on me...

every day there's a new machine

just. my. luck. beer app on my phone actually managed to spill over off the screen. rather miffed

oomf in law is burning whale oil because she has no heat 😭😭 girl the tariffs on gristol are 45% 🥀

i feel. smoother. they're subdividing me.

weirdest moment of my life: when i did a handstand for the first time, my muscle memory kicked in as if i had been walking on my hands this whole time. but even more strange, was that my legs could be manipulated like arms. i've never felt more authentic

standing fan that will occasionally blow out really hot air just to keep you on your toes

Beauty is in the hive of the bee-holder

the banks and i got one thing in common

my poob subscription ran out. can literally anything go right today

it is crucial in these trying times that we start putting hazards in the cereal boxes again. sift wheat from chaff

call me a fat little piggy the way i can't look up right now

that lightbulb moment when you finally get the power back on

i'm on fedex.com looking for their customer service number because i just want someone to talk to

a lot of ethernet cables are blue because they act like an overshield to guard you from viruses. if you get a red one though it'll make your download speed faster. and if you want the green? oh, buddy

i'm on internet-81 going 20MB above the speed limit

i'm looking for an experimental medical procedure that would turn one of my finger nails into like a tape measure. so that i could pull it out and measure stuff. experienced surgeons hmu

referring to the lgbtq community as 'every crook and tranny'

guy with set of fake teeth but he could only afford the kind that can chew magnets: Hey i'm hungry do you have any magnets

peak is back #acheswan

arlefuri😀

red tinted glasses as my punishment, i can't take them off. they paint my whole world in red. everything feels so aggressive, it's fucking with my threat perception. i thought this 6 year old at the gumball machine wanted to square up. my fight or flight activated.. and my wings are clipped

does anyone like woke shit anymore

music sound so good when the speaker has the mesh grille on it because it's dividing the music into many more smaller musics. you're getting more bang for your buck, very pleasing to the ear

i need balmora to release a full length album like my life depends on it

explaining my profession to my friend who fakes being a golfer and he says: ohhhh so it's a lot like a quick play at the 9 holes. umm. first off, no? second off, no one says that

much like a CRT, i too have a vacuum tube. yeah a tube that vacuums up pasta!! heyoo! let's hear some love for the ethnic girlies of the tri-state #oregano

i am willing to pay A LOT for someone to exorcise the ghost that's currently haunting my office. he's bending all of my paperclips. and can i be honest with you for a second? it's starting to p m the f o 🙄

guy with set of fake teeth but he could only afford the kind that can chew magnets: Hey i'm hungry do you have any magnets