Surely you can tell which one is me

Watching a doc about Alex Jones' Sandy Hook shit and it's just insane to me that some of these people seem to still believe it was fake. Like, okay, show me the kids, then? And if it was faked, to what end? What good came out of it for any of those people???

I feel like the Garden Party episode of the Office might actually be more uncomfortable than the Dinner Party

i thought we had leftovers but we don't and i do not feel like making anything to eat. if i lived in ancient times i would've starved so fucking fast.

it is my work's Spring Break but we still have to work and also I am sick and this is all bullshit

These cold medicine pills I bought look like little oil beads I used to hoard for baths as a kid. Why are they so vivid and shiny?!

The lady who hit me's insurance called me last week (6 weeks after she hit me) to ask if my car had been fixed. Then she's telling me they need something from my insurance and I'm literally like 'sounds like you need to talk to them and I should have nothing to do with it!'

I swore at Cubicle Lady yesterday and when after I said it was unprofessional, the two ladies nearby were like 'you had to!'

joining my bf's family's march madness bracket group. what do i name my bracket?

i don't think i should have to complete my workday after it's been interrupted by a meteor exploding

so supposedly a meteor hit somewhere in Ohio like half an hour ago?????

I feel like Matt Berry is reading the Burger King copy perfectly sincerely but I just can't stop laughing at it

I would really think in the year of our lord 2026 that a building would be able to be kept at a decent temperature and not be extremely hot one day because it was unexpectedly 50 degrees outside and then extremely cold the next when it is expectedly 35 outside

Those Live Nation messages are crazy, talking about "robbing them blind...and OMG did you see Brian's hat? he looks so fucking stupid I can't breathe"

Have done my taxes online the past few years but last year it cost me money bc it's JUST complicated enough. Decided to do it on paper to save the money even though it's super annoying and I'M DONE PLEASE CLAP

I've just instinctually never wanted to watch Hamnet and bro this guy is petting a hawk within the first couple minutes?! That thing should eat his face off.

I know people don't like "I read ___ as ___" for comedy but if you saw my try to process Fruit Fry Lube as I scrolled by it, you would have thought it was funny, I promise.

I was just replying to an email and it disappeared? Like it didn't get sent accidentally too soon or anything and the thing I was replying to is gone, too?

It's a special kind of torture when your plane lands early but you can't actually get off because another plane isn't ready to leave from your gate yet

Sweating! In my bikini

Have not looked at my work email in three days. Please clap.

I start work at 7:30 and the boy doesn't start until 9 and that hour and a half feels like an ETERNITY of not sending random dumb messages lmao

when my job moved to a new building in 2019 they bought fancy simulators. care to guess how often they've been used in the intervening 7 years?

They've been using famous music for 2 or 3 seasons of Love is Blind now but I'm still surprised every time. Ed Sheeran? Beiber?! Maybe buy more food for your contestants instead?

I think if it takes them more than ten minutes to notice that I want the check I should just get to leave

obviously they may like it and i hope they do, but i do not like these olympians' boyfriends proposing at the olympics. they have enough going on!!

Dept. Asst: I've been out all week, can you put this exam together? Me: If I get it before noon today Faculty: Surely she sent it to you last week. DA, didn't you send it to her last week? You think if she sent it to me last week I would say I need it by noon today???

People watching this season of Love is Blind who are not from Ohio, I swear most of us don't do O-H-I-O chants all the time. If someone says it, we are contractually obligated to respond, but it does not happen constantly, I swear.

Can either take Pilates or have paid for 2 classes this week and only taken one. You'd think this would be an easy decision and yet

Just realized we probably shouldn't be allowed at the Olympics if Russia isn't allowed because of Ukraine, since we basically took over Venezuela...

Watching F1 and there's a Parent Trapping scene so I'm getting on board

these scams are wild "good morning, we received your request on our site regarding your recent accident' Yeah, no, you fucking didn't, fuck off

The worst thing about my car being busted is that I deserve a little treat now more than ever and can't go get one 😆

Did not realize the Pitt was about goths

Bro looks like Leap Day William's Wario

they're wanting to change our court because Luka hopped 10 times and then fell off of it. Can't wait for my taxes to redo an entire arena bc Luka needs to hop 10 times after a shot

Traitors finally actually executing the people who get murdered, if the way [redacted] acted on the way out is to be believed

"unfortunately, what i like most in life is being an asshole" I love Shrinking so much

I hate that the Pitt and the Traitors both drop on the same day at the same time. Couldn't one of you be on Mondays or something to spread the good shit out a little?

Did anyone watch Eenie Meanie on Hulu? I'm in the background of it but never got myself to look 😆 (Just got a W2 for the $96 I made doing that...UGH)

on a zoom about non-hormonal menopause/peri-menopause treatment and it's basically just like 'no one really knows, but you can try all this shit with probably bad side effects and see if it's better or not?'

I can deal with it being super cold. I can deal with there being a bunch of snow. Both at once is garbage.

i got fleece lined leggings and got the bigger size (it's just like regular and large or something) and the rise on these things is basically up to my tits

there are constant articles about how we're running out of salt but don't they get the salt from...here?

A good whiskey Friday morning to you all

Have been hearing for days that we're going to get a bad snowstorm Saturday night through Sunday and it appears that they meant RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

Oops forgot to finish that horrible training i was doing the other day so now i'm back at it

have to watch some hazardous materials training video for work and it's killing me. it's clearly a robot voice, not a person, and I do not work with chemicals. ever.

got one of those mastercard debit card things from a class action settlement for $4.84 and cannot figure out how the fuck I can actually use that

Okay having Apatow walk up to APT is great so I take back my prior criticism of the music during this show