I learned the other day that your heart can tear in half sometimes with no warning. I didn't even know that was a thing, so now I'm terrified in the kind of way that quick sand, the Bermuda Triangle, and spontaneous combustion scared me as a kid. Because WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 😭

The mother fucking BLUEPRINT — you hear me? God took his time crafting that face. 😍🥰

Get a load of this guy.

Okay, but BMF is based on a true story. Tyler is using his imagination — which absolutely no one asked him to do — to create cringey dialogue, crunchy wigs, and the trauma and suffering of Black Women to exploit the Black church audience. 50 Cent & Tyler Perry are not and never will be the same.

I should have bought myself Oreos. I'll fix that error in the morning. I also need to get myself a portable tub. I need a long soak in a hot tub so bad...

You know what's not gangsta? Season 4 of The Boondocks. Very NOT gangsta.

Okay, but I was sad I was only a third party vendor on the Global Developer Marketing team, so I didn't get the Noogler badge, nor the hat. Tbh, part of me still wants the hat. But after what I've seen I don't think I ever want to work at Google unless the culture changes. It's truly disgusting.

If I ever get the chance to kick Kristy Noem in the pussy, I'm going to jail for assault. Stupid ugly ass bitch.

I really need to stop wearing boneless clothes. This don't make no sense. The pandemic ruined my entire wardrobe. 😭

The same dept. telling us they need more access and power were the same people waving this guy through checkpoints meant to keep women and children out of the hands of traffickers. Imagine what they're doing with the women and children in custody, especially those who go missing?

Every generation loves to romanticize their 'prime'. If you're lucky enough to get old, you too will be on that 'these kids don't know how good they have it' stuff! 🤷🏾‍♀️

News: Today President Trump announced — Me: 🗣️ SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT UP! EVERY GODDAMNED DAY — JUST SHUT UP!

Kid you not, this is the first thought that pops into my head whenever I see this. My husband knows I wouldn't enjoy this at all. Please don't ever do that for me. There are many other ways to pique my romantic interest without making a mess! 🤣

I'm thoroughly enjoying seeing all these Gen Z children whooping adults' asses. Gen Z is not here for play play! 🤣🤣🤣

Stan Smith. And I'm saying this as an OG Family Guy baddie. I had the box set of Family Guy on DVD before it was cancelled the first time. People in my friend circle started watching it because of me. 😂

Show of hands if your Christmas tree is still up? Yes, we put the Mardi Gras beads on it. 🤣🤣🤣

I TRULY detest when "healthy" Me does the grocery shopping because that bitch doesn't understand this concept AT ALL. Who TF does she think I am? 😭

I'm almost through and I'm really disappointed. I was really hoping to hear more accountability (not sure why), and all I'm hearing is passing the buck. It's toxic and it's disheartening. And I was a real fan of this show; ANTM literally raised me. But this ain't it.

They still send me catalogs. Like...they really want me to ruin my credit...

My husband snoring himself awake in the Uber >>>>>>>>>>> 🤣🤣🤣

I'll forever love the way my kids' faces light up when they see the ocean. 💛✨

I think the feeling I enjoy the most these days is lying down with my husband, covered in fuzzy blankets, and watching Korean dramas while feeling my brain go...soft. Feeling so safe, loved, and relaxed...I never thought I'd have this. More than anything, I feel grateful. 💛✨

🙋🏾‍♀️ ✅✅✅ I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

I had to last year. My two are now 20 and 18; I wanted another but had a life-saving hysterectomy last year. Seeing pregnant women makes me cry now. I think I'll always be sad I couldn't have a third with my current hubby. Maybe one day we'll be blessed to adopt.

See? I told y'all that fucking dirty ass lil rat casino wasn't a place to take your kids, but NOOOOOOO. I'd quicker take my kids to Freddy Fazbear's. Stop taking your kids there.

THANK YOU!!! You can never convince me to eat that, and I'm convinced people learn to like it because it's a status symbol, not because it tastes good. Now, I will eat tobiko and ikura, but caviar? 🤮

More fascinating to me, than the fact that this man is openly white supremacist, is the fact that he cannot even articulate the core of this closely held belief of his. To be racist you HAVE to be stupid. It doesn't work any other way.

The answer is Sister Sister anyway...

For YEARS life has been begging me to slow down, and I keep refusing. This year is teaching me that if I don't I will pay a larger price than I would like to.

That is just bread, babes. 😭

Best decision I have ever made in my life — I'll tell you that! My life has been so stable, loving, soft, and fun ever since. 💛✨

Light a fire under that bitch's ass for real. Noem and Miller both belong under the damn jail.

I'm the parent who used to ask, "How much are you asking for?" and give them that out my own pocket. I'm not selling a damned thing. You got me fucked up. I'm also the parent who donates money so I don't have to donate time. Please leave me out of it. I hate school more than my kids do. 🤣😭

It is 11:18 AM the next day and my feed is still full of Bad Bunny. And I STILL don't know which team won the Super Bowl. I'm not looking it up either. I want to see how long it's gonna take for that news to organically reach any of my feeds. 🤣🤣🤣

The best part of being a good girl who is eager to please is finding the right person who appreciates that about you. That's literally the only time it's not only appropriate but also worth every moment being exactly that. 💛✨

The people who need their own half time show are the same people that "needed" their own water fountain

I love it when I get dressed and my daughter says I'm "serving California cunt". 🤣🤣🤣 My husband: SHE'S DOING HWHAT? TO WHO???

You wanna know what I REALLY love? I LOVE that we, Black people, collectively took a look at that bullshit documentary and decided exactly how we were gonna make that man crash TF out. A FLAWLESS VICTORY. ✨ #BlackHistoryMonth #Becoming #Netflix #storytelling

It's the way my daughter, whom I love so very much, will watch the light drain out of my eyes, and continue to talk my head off...🥴😭

Amazon pulls all screenings of "Melania" from a Portland movie theater after it displayed a marquee urging locals to see the movie to help them "know" and "defeat" their "enemy."

I don't think I ever had this. I'm gonna have to try this. For science. 🤣 Also, my daughter turns 21 this year so we gon be turnt. ✊🏾

📍We are here.

What we said, unequivocally: ABOLISH ICE What Chuck and co. heard, unashamedly:

Happy Black History Month 🥴

I can use wipes? What's 100K x 90?

Nope. LOWER. ✊🏾

Omg...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is gonna sound weird, but I'm a sucker for a nice smile, a sense of humor, sharp intelligence, and a unibrow. 🤣

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