JAIL. FORTY. SEVEN.

Y’all can HAVE the pandas. GIMME THE LITTLE PACHYDERMARINO!!!

Just 11. Just 1 louder.

In less than a week the Kennedy Center has effectively closed and our local DC paper has been gutted, both by billionaires. I don’t think immigrants are our problem in this country.

Everyone watching the temp HIT AND STAY ABOVE FREEZING AND WHISPERING “MELT MOTHERFUCKER, MELT”

OG (and only IMHO) RFK must have dug a hole deep as the earth’s core by now from rolling over in his grave so much at the damage this single spawn has done and is doing.

A tech has now come 3 times to try to fix our DW. Walked in confident he knew exactly which part it was and /out even looking at it. Ordered part, paid him, during install, he grumbled the whole time like he wasn’t even sure it was right. Doesn’t work. 3rd time here, now he thinks it’s a sensor.

1950s prices? Sign my crew up.

Go Gators.

Side note: This woman is such a goddamned fraud. If you don’t know her, she was a professional ballerina from NYC who married the son of JetBlue’s CEO, now have 8 million children, pretend to have no help, moved to a rural farm in Utah, and “now just live a quiet life off the land.”

I’m Jesse The Body Ventura years old and didn’t think things would get more inane and so HHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA

Hope all the “drivers of AI adoption” don’t crash into each other. 🧐

Shout out to the folks I’ve seen or heard using hammers, meat tenderizers, and blowtorches to dig their cars out of the snowcrete.

TO THINK *THIS* IS WHERE DHS RESOURCES COULD BE GOING 😖

The “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” rubes in this country have a fascinating way of victimizing themselves.

Phil? Hey, PHIL? PHIL!!! Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I *thought* that was you!

(Whispers into the void) Did….anyone ever figure out how to fold in the cheese?

This will fix me.

Reminder to Texans that tomorrow (Monday) is the last day to register to vote in the March elections

I can’t stress this enough. The state of 4th Amendment law is that the cops can’t force you to type in a passcode but they can force you to swipe your finger or present your face. Never stop using passcodes/passwords to unlock your devices. And consider additional code to unlock Signal.

My sis got married last weekend and Tank *tore up* the dance floor with one of her bridesmaids. Anyway, at dinner tonight, he was BLUSHING SO HARD and smiling as he was eating and I said “what’s up, buddy?” And he goes “Mommy, who was the high-five girl at the wedding? Where does she live?” 🙃

"While detention centers are generally defined as facilities used to hold people for processing, such as immigration violators or awaiting trial, concentration camps are defined by historians as the mass, indefinite detention of civilians…

The only way to get me to watch this trash is if Jeffy Bezos himself paid me $75 million.

Garbage in, garbage out

Now that Catherine O'Hara and John Candy have been reunited on the other side, she’ll be in the front row of The Kenosha Kickers shows forever and ever. 💔

No. Not Catherine O'Hara. No. No.

T. FOR. ME.

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again for the folks in the back: THIS. IS. A. CATO. STUDY. Motherloving CATO!

Everything is terrible…except the little things that are kinda quirky that you love? Let’s share them if you care to. I’ll go first. I LOVE the sound of someone locking/unlocking a really old thick door that has lots of loud locks and chains and such.

The bedtime-delay tactic Tank just deployed this evening against Mr. B probably takes the cake: “Daddy, are the books in your office at work in German?”

Two-hour school delay? Music to my ears.

Maybe go away forever and ever amen.

“Introducing iFlip. Debuting Thanksgiving 2026. It’s an iPhone. But better. It’s a flip phone. Never been invented ever. Here’s to the magpies. The schemers.”

Tom Sietsema is the Nick Saban of restaurant critics. The man will never legitimately retire.

Per CATO, for crying out loud…

AND MOM AND DAD CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO START AGAIN

Please keep getting the word out to family and friends about carbon monoxide poisoning. www.wkrn.com/news/local-n...

Absolutely the hell not.

It's good when terrible people lose their jobs.

DC, everyone should have heat on days like today! ❄️ If you're a renter and your heat is out, submit a maintenance request and call our free Consumer Protection hotline at 202-442-9828. We can also help if any of your utilities are disconnected, and the utilities are the landlord’s responsibility.

Minneapolis is the place of my birth. I only lived there until I was 8. But a core early memory was a flood in late 80s where our and our neighbors basements flooded several feet deep. Neighbors passed around a pump and everyone waited their turn for it, offering a bed/meals to anyone in need. (1/?)

FOLLOW. THE. MONEY.

Follow the money.

Yo, Google, Gemini is still an abject disgrace. Snoogins.

Sir, whoever you were in that elevator I stepped in, your repulsive cologne cannot possibly be doing what you hope for it to be doing. 🤮

*extremely Ron White voice* “What’s the temperature? There’s not one.”

The March for Life has to be a bellwether for those cowed to this regime. “Pro-life until birth” DOES NOT MEAN PRO-LIFE.

When life imitates art

Cancun: “I’ve seen enough.”