Hey it’s me again, maybe we’d still have Jack Hughes if the team dinner was with me and not that whining (not as fat) loser. Ok bye

Poking my head back in here to share an essay I’ve been toying with writing for a couple months, finally worked up the nerve to actually write last week, and published today on 10/7. Doubt I’ll come back here regularly but who knows? Ok bye open.substack.com/pub/thebeern...

The NHL is as competitively shot to hell as the NBA was a decade ago. That’s about all I have to say about anything here for the time being. I’m taking an indefinite leave from social media posting. Might be back at some point, who knows. I just don’t feel like I gotta post and it’s freeing

Hey I’ve seen this part before

In light of the Spaceballs 2 announcement, I’d like to share my nuclear-grade hot take: I think Young Frankenstein is just meh. Great individual moments but just OK as a whole movie

The only good take on MAGA was when Mad Magazine had a cover with Trump and Alfred E Neumann and the slogan “Make America Dumb Again!”

Sometimes I remember @jitka.bsky.social’s Red Pig. I wish I had one of my own

I need a big flashing sign on my person at all times that says “DO NOT NEWSDUMP ME.” I know things are bad, maybe irreparably so, and I choose to remain having a vague idea of why that is. Don’t pile misery on me like we’re playing head-to-head Tetris

In my lifetime, Nintendo turned from a company that put clothes on the women in console ports of Duke Nukem 3D and Cruisin’ USA into one that runs a shop where every third game is hentai. Strange times indeed

I’m piss

It’s sad to see that NBA fans genuinely fall for the media narrative that says a Finals isn’t worth watching if it’s not one of the five or six glamour teams. Any other league would be unable to shut up about a matchup between two teams that haven’t won shit since the 70s

Didn’t Wake Up Once Overnight Award 😃

The twins’ mom put on Moana 2 when we all got back from the playground, and the kids didn’t give a shit what was on the TV until my wife put on a YouTube video of the pigeon from those Mo Willems books

I’m wearing a mask on the subway for the first time in a while. I stopped when we started foster parenting because as long as the kids are unmasked, you’re getting what they’re getting anyway. But it feels right. You don’t spread your germs and you don’t smell the stenches

With Brian Wilson dead and Mark Wahlberg repudiating his Funky Bunch past, who will be giving us good vibrations now?

The things my wife finds and shares on her IG reels and TikTok algorithms disgusts even some of the most hardened internet warriors

You don’t need a third eye to see that Mindseye sucks ass

Who’s Aaron Rodgers’s beard

Fortnite (or, the death of gaming)

Bettman and the NHLPA don’t see state income tax as an issue? Oh no! Better throw millions of more dollars (US and Canadian) at hockey media members to tell people otherwise, Heritage Foundation and whatever its Canadian equivalent is called!

Ozempic truly is a miracle of modern medicine, but it’s also sapped a lot of weight from Bartolo Colon, so it might actually be bad

“The arc of the universe is long but it bends towards justice?” Uh, just world fallacy much, Dr. King?

The USSF spent $6 million on a coach that’s worse than Berhalter. Holy shit lmao

Society truly is failing our young men. Every white adult male under 30 says “bro” more than a drunk frat boy, and every black adult male under 30 talks like a mumble rapper

If you pass by one of my bleats and don’t give it a like… well, I’m sure it provided a bit of a respite from a timeline likely filled with ragebait and “I know this is hard to look at but you MUST LOOK AT IT.” I love you all ☺️

One of the many reasons I hold social media in contempt is that it lifted the taboo of speaking about sensitive subjects in mixed company

“Finna” is “gonna”’s inbred cousin. It serves the exact same purpose but sounds stupider. Why do people use it

One of the many dog accounts I follow on IG is a mother/son basset hound duo living in Ontario. The mom is named “Maui” but they gave her the nickname “Maui Anderson” because she has a large “dangly hooter” a la Pamela Anderson

Sad but true: if the Time Cube guy was still alive, he could rebrand as an alpha male success influencer and people would take him seriously. He wouldn’t even have to change anything about his theory, he just needs to speak with confidence

Digital filmmaking has turned from something that could have potentially made movies look truly incredible into something that actively holds them back from looking that way

New York State is set to pass an assisted suicide law. It’s called the Assuaging Neverending Hurt by Ending Repeated Outrage Act, or the AN HERO Act for short

It’s Evil’s world. Goodness is just allowed to live in it for now

If you’re the kind of person who follows an interesting news website or niche interest social media account and then claps like a seal when they pivot to posting agreeable political takes, you are the problem with online. Amazed at how it’s never backfired once

Girl twin ate all of her baby carrots but refuses to have a single bite of grilled cheese 🤨

My workplace is making us do a cybersecurity course that consists of 12 videos that are 7-8 minutes each. The production value is shockingly high for something many people will just have on in the background and not watch

I know that social media algorithms don’t actually care about you saying “kill” or “gun” because pro athletes have gotten more death threats in the last year or two than ever before

I’m especially grateful for not being a timeline guy today. I’m not in the mood for lethal amounts of cope

Winning is losing leaving the body

I’m sure the estate of the woman who sang “Pretty Little Baby” in 1961 or whenever is grateful for the extra $10 they’ve gotten from the 500 million streams the song has gathered on social media

Yankees should try to not get more than one opponent on base with no outs for once

Can we stop sloganeering with cartoon characters? That shit is embarrassing

The Chocolate Rain guy has become woke (in the classical sense of the term)

I thought my toddler twins were the only ones who go crazy for bath water, but there are thousands of simps who do the same as long as there’s a hot woman selling it

Damn, Flow really fucks

Say “ass” instead of “ahh.” I’m not going to say this again. Further violations will result in me killing you with a gun (I’m not going to translate that into Pussy English)

Timothee Chalamet next year at Roland Garros?

This F train car has officially continued the party from the Puerto Rican Parade

Watch the Roasty Open on trucelTV

When I watch tennis I play the appropriate match music from Mario Tennis for N64 in my head

Recently I mentioned that one of the bodega men near me looks like Tom Thibodeau. I asked him just now if he ever got told that and he said “yeah, like a thousand times”