Unemployed! During the Recession

Life is a neverending cycle of using a given social media platform, getting sick of it and then ditching it for the next downloaded app

I saw someone repost Jody on Instagram and I missed her so I came back... For now

Talk about a sore fucking loser

Dad called me and was like hey I just noticed the car needed an oil change so I'm headed to the mechanic. Like bro... Imagine realizing you need to do something and then immediately doing it instead of going home and Laying Down

Enclosing a large number of mice within my living room and watching my cats go nuts (TV broken)

Being an adult is waking up at two and sitting down to watch TV when you have 2 chapters of reading, an essay and a quiz due in like 24 hours

The three ghosts of Christmas past visited me the other night and told me to start posting again. Kinda felt like a threat

Heard when you hit 400 followers you grow two extra hands so you can post faster than ever

Social media breaks are out work breaks are in (scrolling mindlessly on my phone for 15 minutes in the bathroom)

I was sentenced to roll a rock up a hill for the rest of eternity. I escaped though

Cunty squid

Ripping ass into the abyss

Running for president because it's technically free I think

Sorry I've been gone I put on fake nails and couldn't type

AI art suggestion: a baby cutting it's fingernails

OHHHHH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

Syphilis except he's on hold with Bank of America for eternity

Been on hold with Bank of America for 17 minutes. They want me to give up

Hydration is a myth. I haven't touched water in 13 years

hipaa violation princess

They should remake Frozen except it's with a bunch of dudes from Ohio

Took too much Vyvance can't stop perceiving the world in 8735p please help

Liking your post before I unfollow because I love sending mixed signals

I would pay 1000$ to sit alone in a dark room and vape for 2 hours

Call me the break groveller the way I be grovelling for breaks

You can tell me to yield to pedestrians all you want but who's the one driving the car

Putting on chapstick and rubbing my lips together vigorously to waste time

You wouldn't theft a time

Naming my baby "Baby" (quotation marks included)

Hate logging onto Instagram. Always end up buying some sketchy shit fr

Uh. Yum!

Finding lost vape >>> going to heaven

Sneezing! Better clear the way

Losing vape <<< dying to death

I don't believe in Crocs. You know, ideologically

The unbearable brokeness of being

Teaching my baby how to drive

Signing up for a credit card and going into debt to spice things up a little

Caught in the act

Just got promoted at the dumb bitch factory

Cat just bit through my tattoo

Remaking that one soup I used to make when I had an eating disorder. Gotta see how it actually tastes

Lint rolling my cat. Beat it at the source

Mark my words I will call out to witness my cat's first snow

Selling my backache on FaceBook Marketplace for $12

Asking someone I've never met before if I gained weight

Getting paid 16$ an hour to stare at an unlocked door

Happy Diwali to those who celebrate