“This is it. This is what you’ve trained for all year. New Year’s Eve. The BIG DANCE. You got this. We all believe in you.” -a coke dealer’s coach

Watch me play along with a drum-less mix of the Jackson 5's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." Recommended for anyone who delights in children terrified of Santa. youtu.be/105hceHkw0k?...

Yesterday I dropped an album called "Holiday Favorites for the Whole Family," which collects 8 of the holiday songs I've created over the past 13 years. One is House Tickle Pfeiffer. youtu.be/M7z6Y7yWsHU?... Grab the album here: schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com

Today I dropped an album called "Holiday Favorites for the Whole Family," which collects 8 of the holiday songs I've created over the past 13 years. One is Hail Santa. www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRPC... Grab the album here: schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com

With just 1 week left 'til Xmas, I've got something to help you survive the Whamageddon homestretch. "Holiday Favorites for the Whole Family" collects 6 of my seasonal songs (plus 2 unreleased tracks) in one convenient playlist to terrorize your family. schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com

The new episode of "Collect All 79" takes a look at the vintage Kenner AT-AT! Please subscribe, nerds! #starwars #kenner #toycollecting www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdL1...

Junk Drawer Part 4 is here! This latest installment in my series of b-side compilations includes 17 previously unreleased original tracks & cover songs. ALSO! Today is Bandcamp Friday, so please download this sexy collection now. Thank you, friends. schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com/album/junk-d...

Happy birthday, @mc.frontalot.com! I'm gonna mail you all the Star Wars toys I stole from your mom's house.

Over the years, I've released 3 albums in a series called "Junk Drawer." These Bandcamp exclusives are collections of unreleased tracks: remixes, covers & songs w/samples I can't afford to clear for proper release. On Fri Dec 5th, I will release a 4th one. schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com

Nov 2025 Patreon content is up! This month includes: new Department of Darkness track "Headphones" w/instro/acapella/lyrics, STD SHW ep68, bonus cover of Beastie Boys' "Professor Booty," photo set of Kenner SW collection updates & more! Sign up today at patreon.com/schafferthedarklord

…J-D41-252-5…

Many heartfelt thanks to everybody who made this birthday special by posting comments, sharing purple pics, sending gifts, etc. Y’all really know how to make an old Darklord feel loved. #schafferday

November 14th, 2025. Today is my birthday. #schafferday If you'd like to buy me a drink... Venmo: @markschaffer718 PayPal: paypal.me/schafferthedarklord CashApp: $schafferthedarklord Also, please subscribe to my Patreon… www.patreon.com/c/schafferth... Thank you, friends.

My birthday is next Friday November 14th. In the interest of continuing a 14-year tradition, I again humbly ask that you indulge me and celebrate this non-holiday by posting a photo of you wearing something purple on the 14th and tagging it #schafferday Thank you.

The only NYC mayor that rural MAGA shitposters have ever respected is Rudy Giuliani. He was Republican. He was Christian. He was married to his cousin.

Thoughts and prayers to everyone online who is furious and terrified over mayoral election results in a city they’ve never visited. 🗽❤️

This year’s jack-o-lantern pays tribute to the one from the opening shot of my favorite horror movie: Creepshow (1982). 🎃

This month I've replayed Resident Evil VII, Resident Evil: Village & the remake of Silent Hill 2 which reminds me that last year I released a song about these things. This holiday season, please revisit my music video for "Every Survival Horror Game." youtu.be/mpmYAdXkchc?...

I’ve done lots of weird stuff this month. (Naturally. It’s Halloween, I’ve been busy with the #Bunnys31DaysofHalloween project, and well, I’m just generally a weird little guy.) But the weirdest thing I’ve done this month is creating a silicone crucifix. Happy Halloween, creeps.

I have a very bad feeling about this...

Bunny Buxom and I perform "Pumpkin" during "HORRORSHOW: A Musical Tribute to Scary Movies" in October 2024. Download the track from Bandcamp now: schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com vimeo.com/1124214693?s...

Today is Bandcamp Friday, when the site waives its fees for artists' benefit. I've just dropped an EP of 2 love songs about paranormal beings: Pumpkin + Scary and Naked. Grab them for your Halloween playlists & maybe pick up some other stuff while you're there. schafferthedarklord.bandcamp.com

Sept 2025 Patreon content is up! This month includes new track "Scary and Naked" w/instro/acapella/lyrics, STD SHW episode 66, photo set of #bunnys31daysofhalloween, bonus cover of Misfits' "Hybrid Moments" & more! Sign up today at patreon.com/schafferthedarklord Thank you, friends.

Friends! Please wish a very happy birthday to this beautiful burlesque badass and bombshell embalmer, Bunny Buxom! Today is Bunny Day, and so is every other day, fools! 💜❤️

Just this year alone, the MAGA movement’s core values have been retconned more times than the Halloween film franchise.

In the latest episode of "Collect All 79," I restore a vintage Kenner Millennium Falcon. Check it out and subscribe, nerds! #starwars #toycollecting #kenner youtu.be/16MYCoLSQAU?...

August 2025 Patreon content is up! This month includes: new track "Vintage Gentlemen Tour" with instro/acapella/lyrics, STD SHW ep65, cover of E-40's "Choices," 2 photo sets, bonus video & more! Subscribe today at patreon.com/schafferthedarklord Thank you, friends.

A new episode of "Collect All 79" has just dropped! This sixth installment in my chronicles of vintage Star Wars action figure collecting reveals six new acquisitions! Please like and subscribe, nerds! #kenner #starwars #toycollecting www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4UK...

PITTSBURGH, PA! Sunday August 3rd! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) wraps up at Bottlerocket Social Hall. Doors at 7pm, show @ 8pm. Tix: app.opendate.io/e/mc-frontal...

CLEVELAND, OH! Saturday August 2nd! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at The Foundry with special guest @mayorwertz.bsky.social! Doors @ 7pm, show @ 8pm. Tix: www.schafferthedarklord.com/tour/index.h...

DETROIT, MI! Thursday July 31st! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at @sanctuarydetroit.bsky.social with special guest Mark Cooper. Doors @ 7pm, show @ 8pm. Tix: www.schafferthedarklord.com/tour/index.h...

COLUMBUS, OH! Wednesday July 30th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at Rumba Cafe with special guests Huge Euge! Doors @ 7pm. Show @ 8pm. Tix: www.schafferthedarklord.com/tour/index.h...

ROCHESTER, NY! Tues. July 29th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at @bugjarshows.bsky.social. Doors @ 7pm. Show @ 8pm. Tix: www.schafferthedarklord.com/tour/index.h...

Washington, DC! Sunday July 27th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at Pie Shop with special guest Prowess the Testament. Doors @ 7:30pm. Tix: www.pieshopdc.com/shows/schaff...

CAMBRIDGE, MA! Sat. July 26th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at Cantab Lounge for an early show. Doors @ 5pm, Show @ 6pm. Tix: wl.eventim.us/event/mc-fro...

PHILADELPHIA! Wednesday July 23rd! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) arrives at Nikki Lopez. Doors @ 7pm, Show @ 7:30pm. Tix: www.ticketweb.com/event/mc-fro... #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

NEW YORK CITY! This Friday July 25th, catch the Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & @schafferthedark.bsky.social) with special guest @lextheconartist.bsky.social at Soho Live NYC. Doors @ 7pm, Show @ 8pm. Tix: www.soholivenyc.com#/events/137109

Good news! 1. I finally got my hacked FB page back after 5 mos. 2. Catch me live w/@mc.frontalot.com in July/Aug on Vintage Gentlemen Tour! Philly, NYC, Boston, DC, Rochester, Columbus, Detroit, Cleveland, Pittsburgh. Tix: www.schafferthedarklord.com/tour/index.h... Pic: Ryan Spence 6/27/2025

PHILADELPHIA / NYC / BOSTON / WASHINGTON DC / ROCHESTER / COLUMBUS / DETROIT / CLEVELAND / PITTSBURGH: Tix for the Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) are on sale now at www.schafferthedarklord.com/tour/index.h... #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore (photo by Ryan Spence)

Kick off your holiday weekend with me as I pay tribute to one of my favorite movies (1996's Independence Day) by dressing up as the film's characters and performing six nerdcore hip-hop songs. #nerdcore #nerdcorehiphop #ID4 youtu.be/cpKHMrS3HCE?...

Tickets for ALL East Coast/Midwest dates of the Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) are on sale now at www.schafferthedarklord.com #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

DENVER, CO! Sunday June 22nd! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) arrives at Moe's Original BBQ in Englewood. Doors @ 6pm, show @ 7pm. Tix at FRONTALOT.COM #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

SALT LAKE CITY! Saturday June 21st! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) arrives at Quarters DLC. Doors @ 7pm, show @ 8pm. Tix at FRONTALOT.COM #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

Where the Salt Lake City nerds? Yall gotta get some tickets to @mc.frontalot.com and @schafferthedark.bsky.social this Saturday! www.24tix.com/events/nrdzg...

PORTLAND, OR! Thursday June 19th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) arrives at Dante's. Doors @ 8pm, show @ 9pm. Tix at FRONTALOT.COM #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

SEATTLE! Wednesday June 18th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) arrives at El Corazon with openers @shubzilla.bsky.social x @billbeats.com Doors @ 7pm, show @ 8pm. Tix at FRONTALOT.COM #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

ALBANY, CA! Monday June 16th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) arrives at Ivy Room. Doors at 7pm, show at 8pm. Tix at FRONTALOT.COM #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

LOS ANGELES! Saturday June 14th! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour (@mc.frontalot.com & me) arrives at Harvard & Stone. Tix/deets/updates at FRONTALOT.COM. #vintagegentlemen #nerdcore

Here we go! The Vintage Gentlemen Tour is go for westside. And July's east coast dates are starting to appear! frontalot.com/gigs