WE DID IT

We are in striking distance of an absolutely filthy 40-40 scorigami

Steelers win Leafs extend Stolarz on a great deal Jays clinch first place WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY OF SPORTS

ALEJANDRO KIRK IS MY GOAT

OH CAPTAIN KIRK MY CAPTAIN

That Stolarz contract is such a steal omg. Between this and the Tavares extension, Toronto may finally be benefiting from some discounts from players looking to win.

DK Metcalf is incredible. Steelers haven't had a WR even half as good since prime AB.

I beat my little sister in a race but lost to Usain Bolt???

I can't believe I have to work again when playing Hades 2 all day exists as an option.

The Marlies beat the Habs 7-2???????

DAULTON VARSHO IS MY GOAT

Me: Okay, this person is about to tell us their name, let's pay attention and make sure we remember it. My brain: RAAA-RAAAA AH-AH-AH, ROMAAA ROMA-MA, GAGAAA OOH-LA-LA

What flashes in my brain seconds before making sometime listen to 45 straight minutes of Animorphs lore.

Getting rid of giving teams a point for MISSING A FIELD GOAL is incredible and long overdue. Maybe soon the CFL will be almost as watchable as when someone gets so drunk at the pub they lock in on breaking the pinball machine's highscore.

CHAMPIONS 🏆🏆🏆

Crazy that "psychosexual" is just a Freud thing and not a descriptor of who you're attracted to.

I realise now it says "Yzerman" but for a moment I thought Tavares said his favourite player growing up was "your mom" and I can't even begin to explain how much that stunlocked me.

Game mechanics that automatically make me enjoy a game more: - Expansive skill trees - Tactical Combat - Fishing minigame - Romancing a bratty baddie - Roguelite elements (specifically, getting to pick between 3 upgrades that all intertwine) - Push your luck mechanics - Waluigi is there

YESAVAGE IS THE GOAT I'VE ALWAYS SAID THIS

[Scheduled post] TREY YESAVAGE IS LEADING THE JAYS TO THE WORLD SERIES WHAT A FUCKING STUDDD [Scheduled post] Important to remember it's Yesavage's first game, he's a great prospect who will bounce back. [NOTE FROM SOCIALS TEAM: Post one of the above depending on outcome at 9pm ET. Delete other.]

I think we got the seasons wrong by a month. How is September summer but most of June isn't? Winter STARTS four days before Christmas? Are we sure?

Aubrey from BEHIND the logo. Absurd.

excited to spend a beautiful sunday afternoon doing my favourite activity, getting visibly frustrated at the performance of multiple sports teams

Need another pandemic so I can invest way too much time into making my island look great in that new cozy Pokemon game, like when I turned my Animal Crossing island into a full baseball diamond.

"Violence is never the answer" - Someone who has never read one (1) history book. Nearly every freedom we have is the result of people rising up against fascists and violently overthrowing them. If you keep shoving people further into oppression, you can't be shocked when they start fighting back.

I, for one, am very much in favour of alt-right nutjobs who directly profit off of fearmongering to fear for their own lives. This is what we call the "find out" stage.

my dream date, cute, and he knows that

Can't believe I didn't make this list as "guy who went viral for getting too drunk at a hockey game"

My hobbies are politics (hating on capitalism) and mental illness (being a Leafs fan) and cool bugs (pokemon)

Watching a movie about a toxic girl who threatens to stab a guy if he doesn't date her and I'm stressed out about how attracted I am to her.

The Ravens out frauded the Bills

it will never not be funny to me that there are Toronto sports fans who also willingly choose to cheer for the Buffalo Bills Haven't you suffered enough????????????

BOSGOD

WE LOVE A SPECIAL TEAMS TURNOVER

field goal speedrun any% no glitches

I have an audition to be the voice of a performed audiobook so I'm one step closer to being the person whispering fantasy smut in everyone's ears while they commute to work. aka my greatest goal

This is like the start to that Canada vs USA hockey game

HOW IS THIS HOW THE SEASON STARTS!?

Oh wow the Cowboys haven't won a championship in 30 years? That's crazy. Can't imagine what that's like.

What I see when I realise football season starts today and hockey's a month away. Time to start being (more) toxic on the timeline again.

Always shook at just how many Americans don't own kettles. What do you mean you boil your water in the microwave, WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?

Oh good, more regular season games. Very excited to know exactly what most of the first round matchups will be when there's still 54 games remaining on the schedule. If there's one thing the NHL needed, it's more games that barely matter.

"Hey, you free? We're going to go get food at-" "Yes. I'm in. I don't care where. We all get to sit around a table and talk shit while someone brings us drinks and treats? I'm fucking in."

Rebranding breakup sex as "quit it and hit it"

The NHL finally putting a salary cap for playoffs in place is hopefully only the second best news of the day.

It feels like a good thing that this thrills me despite Hildeby being only my 4th favourite goalie in the organization.

sext:

There's a bottle of champagne in my fridge specifically for the moment it happens. Trust me, I'm prepared.

He can't die on a random weekend off-camera. The best possible narrative end has to be him dying mid-speech on 9/11.