So Painter was hungover as hell and probably needed an extra hour, so he’s pitching in the 3rd? That’s my conspiracy theory

I’m sorry, it’s going to be 90 degrees next week?

It would probably be funny at this point with Embiid, if it didn’t double as the worst injury luck that has ever befallen an athlete, ever.

Can you have a fall from grace when you never were in a graceful position?

The perfect picture for a secret liaison.

Oh my God you gotta be kidding me

Finding brand new and creative ways of losing a war in the Middle East, I see.

Just going about my job like normal, not like there’s a big countdown clock towards 8pm

Martone almost pulled a Dan Carcillo “I’m so excited who do I hug first” celebration by Zegras nearly horsecollared him to the ice. Vibes are incredibly high.

Trump praising Allah on Easter Sunday is a new one, I’ll give everyone that.

Flyers inadvertently, almost by accident, playing their biggest home game in a decade tomorrow.

Good opening drive touchdown by the Phillies

Freedom Isn’t Free

Big believer in just standing firm on something the moment you see that player has “it”. Just let Justin Crawford play. Don’t mess with playing time, leave him out there even if he’s hitting .240. He’s got it.

Bold idea, but let’s fire the terrible people instead?

Just take the fucking out and none of this happens

Every time an NBA player hits that Live button on social media, it’s like Russian Roulette.

And there it is: The first legitimate boos towards Bryce Harper in his Phillies career.

Someone want to let the Phillies know that it’s a souvEnIr helmet? I’ll be your editor. You can pay me in day game tickets.

Buying two of these just to say the Phillies killed me.

That’s a traumatizing win for Blue Jays fans

Who couldn’t see this coming?

The friends got medical folks during intermission and helped him into the chair. He’s awake, but yeah, one hell of a hangover awaits.

Well they got someone in common up here.

Flyers Hockey! Feel the same excitement!

Backhus? More like Suck Ass

This Revolutionary War reenactment is not what I expected.

The third baseman says his parents used limited liability companies to funnel money from his personal financial accounts, which they then “converted to their own use.”

Alec Bohm suing his parents over finances? Boy that sucks.

Sit em down!

Happy Opening Day!

A Cybertruck parked like 20 spots from where I am at the tailgate and booed so hard I think I hurt myself.

I never understand the Druski thing and then like twice a year he’ll drop a skit that is spot-on perfect, like tonight.

Tim has been doing great work over at On Pattison with a host of others. I feel it’s important to highlight a quote from Middleton here because it gave me a headache.

Need a reporter to do a deep dive on what was going on with John Middleton tonight. Quotes read and sound of a dude just fed up with the concept of novelty in the ballpark.

Puka Nacua, pretty weird dude! Not great!

Gotta believe this has to sting a little for Bryce. If he plays better in the last couple postseasons, maybe his deal gets reworked like he wanted.

He still might be severely underpaid, good God.

I’m very surprised that the Phillies are essentially throwing out Sanchez’s contract after this year for a new six year deal. It’s great! Just not at all what I thought they would ever consider.

Goodbye my one-man riot factory

A proper challenge, Citizens Bank Park

If someone says that they’re bringing in Andy Dalton as a veteran presence to help and/or mentor Jalen Hurts, are you legally allowed to throw a tomato at them?

Mark DeRosa will be arrested following the totals and a recap, next on FOX

THE SECOND SWING OF HIS LIFE

This is the first AEW PPV where the money has clearly been invested into the production of the show. Cameras and camera angles are impeccable.

AEW NOOOOOOOOOOO

A catcher who isn’t cognizant of that particular situation, young pitcher on a 2-2 count with two outs in the middle of March, isn’t worth a spot on that alone.

Shoutout Neshaminy Mall. Shoutout Cara, the late teens/early 20s waitress who helped me in the art of respectable flirting. Shoutout GameStop for being like four stores over and having legitimately good workers that enjoyed their jobs. Coming home and seeing this flooded the memory bank.