Quietly wondering if I’m actually a sociopath.

Listening to Book of Mormon in Salt Lake City, take two! Orlandoooooooooo! #bookofmormonmusical #orlandoiloveyaorlando #seaworldanddisneyandputtputtgolfing #hasadigaebowai

How is everyone is southern Oregon so insanely nice?! My east coast ass is hella suspicious. But also secretly elated. 😏 WTF southern Oregon. Stahp! You’re gonna make me love it here and come back for vacay even if I don’t get this job. #oregon #roguevalley #bigfoot #sassyquatch

Not to brag but … I was in the line for a rental car and the woman in front of me said “oh let me get out of his way and look for it.” Meaning me. She thought I was a boy. I. Am. Fulfilled. #nonbinary #trans #genderaffirming #tellmeimagoodboy

If you’re not listening to The Book of Mormon soundtrack while you’re in the Salt Lake City airport, what are you even doing? #bookofmormonmusical #saltlakecity

Deciding to start listening to #isaacasimov Foundation and imagine my absolute delight to find it narrated by Scott Brick. I absolutely cannot. He is my FAVORITE audiobook narrator and has been for over 10 years. Also shout out to @libbyapp.com for being amazing. #appletvfoundation #libbyapp

Sometimes I get a little upset when I live in a collapsing dystopia for many years

My dealership sent me a video of them checking my brakes and treads and after each measurement they said “nice job”. I’ll take it. #praisekink #millennial #tellmeimagoodboy

My travel mug smells like garlic and other Friday the 13th crises. #coffee #garlic #fridaythe13th

Last week I was accused of being a werewolf. This week I was told that staff were conjecturing as to who might be a vampire and they admitted to thinking I could be one. Not a regular vampire though. A cool vampire. Idk what kind of energy I’m putting out there but here we are.

I just need people to step up off my nuts today.

One of my team accused me of being a werewolf, because the full moon has had me all cranky this week. Were-opossum maybe. The desire to scream at my own tail or play dead under my desk to avoid my grown-up sponserbilleries is real. #fullmoon #werewolf #opossum #possum #playdead #rugrats

I’ve been reading and watching a lot of sci-fi lately. I take comfort in knowing that 1000 years from now the same shit will still be happening and we will not have learned anything. #itsfine #thisisfine #everythingisfine #lifesucksandthenyoudie #sciencefiction #scifi #dystopian

Today I renewed my vehicle registration and started my taxes. I simply cannot be expected to do anymore adulting for at least a month. #adulting #adultingishard #adultingwin #eldermillennial #geriatricmillennial #millennial #thestruggleisreal

I would like to know how much it cost to digitally remove Lee Pace’s navel in Foundation. Like break it down for me as dollars per second for us to gaze on his perfect, navel-less torso. More or less than Cavill’s mustache? #leepace #appletv #foundation #asimov #henrycavill #justiceleagu

Tbh I’m just here for Beki. And Lee Pace’s abs. Mostly Beki. #beki #foundation #appletv #leepace

My new toxic trait is texting my bestie whenever I’m early to work so she can tell her life partner. No one really cares whether or not I’m on time. (Well, maybe my boss.) But it’s become absolutely necessary that I prove to my bestie’s life partner that I can, in fact, do this one thing.

Currently tying my garbage bags like Dexter to throw off my neighbors. #dexter #dextermorgan #totallynotaserialkiller

Guess who has two thumbs and is still holding onto a lot of unresolved trauma from 2001 even though they thought they were over all of it?

[thread] Closing in on the last three episodes of my Xena rewatch. 25 years ago everything just collided in one awful thing after another. I was in so much pain by the end of that summer, and then the whole world upended right after. I’ve been trying to soothe that part of me.

I really struggled with Hannah Whitten’s Nightshade series until this 3rd book. I’m not sure what it was — But the ending was worth it. I’m glad I stuck it out. The world is terrifying and religion is a traumatic, hate-filled shitshow. But people can be kind. There is goodness despite it all.

Just read a tattoo subreddit post about a guy who's tried tattooing his scrotum not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES to get that tattoo to stick. Like. I can’t even show up for work on time most days. #reddit #redditposts #tattoos #adulting

How did I forget Selma Blair was in an episode of Xena and then subsequently in a short-lived spinoff “Amazon High” … WILD. #xenawarriorprincess #amazonhigh #selmablair #wtf

Me, shouting, after FINALLY solving today’s Wordle: That’s fucking dirty Wordle! Who tf is out here using that word in real life? Also me, quietly: But it is Christmas. So I guess … it’s fine. NYT out here unlocking my religious trauma this morning.

At least 80% of the time I feel like I’m eating food against my will. Which, you wouldn’t believe to look at me. But like, in the last 10 years my relationship with food has been toxic af and now it’s just … Look, breakfast is a straight up bully, okay? Even at 11:53 in the morning.

Can we just get these people the fuck out of office already.???????? They LITERALLY just dropped a fascist, white supremacist playbook. Enough fucking around. Can someone fucking do something? Why is no one who has a shred of power doing anything???????????? #fuckfascism

I’ve been told I need to scale back my use of the James Van Der Beek crying gif in work chats. My response? …

Exhausted. Disappointed. Frustrated. Blaming myself for things that are absolutely not my fault but because #childhoodtrauma I can’t help it. I’m gonna keep on keeping on, but it’s so hard. #thestruggleisreal #outherescreaming

My barber firmly believes I will survive growing my fade out into a lush Steve Harrington mullet. At least someone believes in me. #steveharrington #hairgoals #strangerthings #alwaysthebabysitter

So this one time, at Thanksgiving, I got so 🍃🍃🍃 that I apparently spent over $200 buying Christmas gifts on Etsy and a #strangerthings Season 2 Steve Harrington style Members Only jacket. Seems legit. #steveharrington #thanksgiving #etsy #imakepoorfinancialdecisions

Tossed the spectacles. Grew the ‘do. Guzzled some brew. #happythanksgiving #soninlaw

I’m 90% sure my bestie and I just decided to be the #henderdads for Con next year. #iykyk

Mariah Carey took me out the day after Halloween (while I was buying discounted Halloween decorations no less!!!), but I’m still safe from #whamageddon

About to watch a super gay kid kiss another super gay kid except their types of gays don’t match up. If you’re wondering if I’m stuck at a high school theatre production … Yes. #highschooltheatre #theatregays #formerdramakid #dramakids

Ngl. Everytime I do an audiobook on a long drive I’m always left feeling like everyone else is having sex in my car except me. In the case of _The Starving Saints_ they’re having sex AND eating people. Which. Tbf. Isn’t the first time that’s happened. #audiobooks #audiobooksky #libbyapp

Rewatching the “Return of Callisto” episode and realizing that 90s me was way more concerned about all the quicksand 2020s me NEVER encounters. #quicksand #90skid #xena #xenawarriorprincess #callisto #newfearunlocked #quicksandwasntasbigadealaswethoughtitwas

Changing the battery in my car key fob always makes me feel like such an adult. #adulting #adultingthings #adultingsohard #millennial #geriatricmillennial #eldermillennial

Cool cool. Work is now miserable. This is new. And kinda shitty. Love being depressed EVERYWHERE instead of just in the shower and the car. #depressionsucks #itsfine #thisisfine #everythingisfine

Emma Thompson is so fucking hot in Down Cemetery Road. And not just because she seems toxic af. #emmathompson #downcemeteryroad #mickherron #appletv

Crying in the shower? Nah. Crying as soon as I step out of the shower so that it’s ten times more awkward and noticeable? Sure. Why not?

Two words. Centaur. Baby. That thing is a fucking nightmare. Somehow I always manage to repress this horror and then during a rewatch I end up re-traumatized. #xena #centaur #centaurbaby #nightmarefuel

I can’t make the government reopen, but I CAN use my extra money this month to support families and individuals in need instead of spending it on eating out. My goal is to only eat what I’ve already got, and put the extra grocery and dining out money toward those in need. #fuckfascism

Callisto gives such #brat vibes. Maybe a little bit of #switch too. Either way I want in. #xena #xenawarriorprincess #suchabrat

Today in therapy we determined my increasing unalive vibes are my teen and late 20s selves trying to protect young child me from … *** gestures vaguely toward the hellscape that is our reality *** 🤷 It doesn’t make sense but here we are. EMDR is wild when it works. #emdr #therapy #hellscape

It never ceases to amaze me how Subway is able to keep rebranding like the same ten ingredients. Masterclass in something going on over here. I don’t know what, but they haven’t gone out of business yet. Not even having yoga mat stuff in their bread could take them down. #formersandwichartist

Currently torn between: A) the world is on fire — save all my money Or B) the world is on fire — spend all my money on 🍃🍃, vibrators, and tattoos #millennial #thrworldisonfire #fuckfascism #thestruggleisreal

the Muppets have been real quiet since the Louvre heist

Not #solaropposites out here giving a shoutout to @libbyapp.com AND with a #sarahjmaas #romantasy joke thrown in. 🛸👽💘 All of my worlds are colliding. PS — get a #librarycard and download #libbyapp y’all! All the romantasy audiobooks your 🌶️🌶️🌶️ heart could want. #publiclibrariesrock

Okay, THIS is probably the nicest I’ll be to myself this week. #selfcare #treatyoself #datingmyself #selfdate #filmsky #interviewwiththevampire #warehousecinemas #spookyseason #lestat #vampires

This is probably the nicest I’m going to be to myself all week. #foodsky #avocadotoast #millennial #thisiswhymillennialscantbuyhomes