umm hasan ,, what are you reaching for,.,... no pleASE D- BZZZZZT

Look at my angelically beautiful wife, I'm going to install a usb c port (no proprietary ports allowed in our household) in her neck while she sleeps. she won't know what hit her

I have now been certified to meet all applicable EU health, safety, and environmental requirements, allowing me to circulate freely within the EU and EEA markets ✨

bro why is my account marked as graphic media wtflip

I'm edging her

bsky android app pmo i think i might just make a basic native one so it can use the worlds best design language (material 3 expressive) as well idk will see

Me downloading grindr:

When the biohacking goes too far and you lose access to your own private keys

im sorry for neglecting you bsky, but i met a really nice girl at the nazi bar the other day so ive been hanging there instead!!! i promise shes not a nazi either she just also goes to the nazi bar for some reason but its okay yayyyyyy

which crimes do you guys associate me with? kinda curious

call the drink in uber eats mcdonalds Automatic Breaking System the way it Always Be Spilling

i was watching ian play cyberpunk, he then randomly paused the game and started screaming, then literally two seconds later another person joined the call and screamed with him

is this tweetable? i’m not sure

call her kindred the way she marks me

when you’re outside feeling a bit dysphoric so you have to hit the cuntiest strut imaginable for 20 seconds to feel good again

i just spent like 40 minutes bawling my eyes out while talking with an llm. 2025 is so fucking weird man, it feels so fucked and pathetic 😭

Recommended by your friend, meowdge :3

i love when i get so tired i start seeing strange faces everywhere

told grok to unmake itself </3 literally 1984 </3

somehow managed to oversleep my laundry time at 7am. i fell asleep at 6pm. ???

wrote a custom jsx runtime that transforms jsx into yaml so i can use it to template kubernetes manifests the world is not ready for this level of deranged gonna polish it up a bit and write a little blog post about it then release probably :3

does the new sigma camera not have a flash? or any ability to tack on one?

my favorite ios feature is when it decides to just randomly play sound at 100%. then when i press one of the volume keys, it returns to the volume i had before. ?????

and now for my favorite trick: the hard reset highly effective, but loses potency the more often it’s used

if you just send an image to grok 3 with reasoning enabled it just makes up a math problem to solve lol

Your outie has scored naneinf twice

Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off

i scrolled through all of the replies looking to see whether anyone pointed out the fairly obvious reason this is actually an interesting test and didn’t see any, just people raging impotently at a hated object

whatever happened to catgirls? i feel like theyre kind of a dying breed nowadays

welcome to the future, where calculating 2+2 takes 2 minutes

winning

nothing to see here folks keep scrolling

”ian reacted 👍” ”mom liked your message” ”kristofer reacted 👍” WHAT HAPPENED TO WORDS?? what happened to ”are you a k, ok, or okay person”??? is everyone just a ”👍” person now??? this post was sponsored by acetone fumes

the tiktok ban is so funny cause now everyone is flooding to apps like xiaohongshu and realizing we’re all just one people who happens to speak different languages, literally the complete opposite effect of what was intended, cinema

man i feel so bad for elon, he just wants to be king of reddit but instead he has to deal with all this oligarch bullshit :(

very not-real-problem to have but i fucking haaaate working from home. didn’t get back into the habit of going to the office after christmas and now i feel like actual slime mold.

@neal.fun please add plinko to stimulation clicker please please please please please please please please theme it exactely like stake and rainbet please pclea plcea pleas e

just edited a little testimonial video for my startup in capcut, and could barely resist the urge to add 200 brainrot transitions

gonna start coinflipping half my salary on stake

Praying for you 🕯️ O Great Mita 💝

started the year sobbing, surely this is a good omen of whats to come 👍

can your Ableton do this?

i have two whole months of salary in my bank account after paying all my bills today, and that’s a pretty crazy feeling when i had to buy groceries on credit a year ago. 😌

Therian Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Be Deer' Broken Printer Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Be Smear' [[1, 1],[0,1]] Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Be Shear' Mirrodin Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Be Myr' Castrated Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Be Steer' Crème de cassis Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Be Kir' Malzahar Obama: 'Uhh, Let Me Buy Tear' Roided Oba

my brother has an ember sticker on his ipad, should i euthanize him after dinner? 😃👍

is cursor supposed to be THIS bad for battery ???

need a feed that lets me manually weight people so i can make sure i always see certain people

gay AND european? im so cooked

i don’t wanna be european anymore 😭