My wife is out of town so I can finally thirst over male celebrities and she can't beat me over it.... Bill Skarsgård looks so good in the trailer for Dead Man's Wire, I'm gonna go crazy

I started doing kegels while I'm dead on League and now when I piss it hits the ceiling

diy or die, except it's like, tote bags, or something

Name idea for a youtube channel about illegal driving tips: Red Means Go

I sentence you to.... one week no wife cuddles!

I sentence you to.... stepping out of warm shower on to ice cold stone floor!

my wife told me she would beat me if I lost playing league of legends, so now I'm queuing sona top

The porno I'm directing has scene that's a homage to the oldboy corridor scene, except instead of a bunch of guys in a corridor it's two girls in a bed

Gay northernlion be like "I love pussy"

Call me the Red Bull Baron Powerplay the way they've been milking me for years

SHE DID IT, LET'S FUCKING GOOOO

Watching my wife on her webcam and she refuses to hurt herself for my amusement, I can't believe how evil she is

Playing Soraka in soloqueue:

Ex-Leatherdyke reacts to t4t puppycule playdate: "That's what I woulda did, that's the technique"

Look at my angelically beautiful wife, I'm going to install a usb c port (no proprietary ports allowed in our household) in her neck while she sleeps. she won't know what hit her

My brain is estrogenized, so I can't post good anymore,,, but my bitch wife is making me post. She said if I don't get at least one good post out every day she was going to get me on a "milking horse", I don't know what that is but I'm scared 😢

When the opps have you blushing and crossing your legs

Nothing brightens up a thursday quite like rubbing the stray ice crystals from carton of ice cream on your nipples

Call me Hit Me Hard And Soft by Billie Eilish (1 Year Anniversary Edition Vinyl) the way girls cover me in red stuff

microdosing bluechew just to get through the day

Me when she takes off her shirt

Call me Khans of Tarkir standard UB tempo the way I'm having four Disdainful Strokes

Call me Los Ratones, the way I'm getting my ass beat

Need a wife who forgets her lunch so I can go to her work and give it to her and give her a little kiss on the cheek...

"Straight edge?" No, I basically only watch lesbia-...

Call me a 6 on the motoric response section of the Glascow coma scale the way I Obey Commands

You can't make a computer cum, but that won't stop me from trying

Pregaming a pregnancy test by pissing on a toothbrush

I must not scroll reels, scrolling reels is the attention killer

Me and who,,?

Me downloading grindr:

I will do unutterable things to whoever gifts me this skin

We're so back

Problematic knuckle crack volume difference

Transition timeline

drop and run tramp stamp

(this post is entirely nonsexual. If you think this post has any sexual attributes that is on you.) I NEED to bite someones gracilis muscle so hard they scream (Once again there is nothing horny about this post. It may seem like I am saying it's nonsexual ironically but I assure you I am serious.)

When the biohacking goes too far and you lose access to your own private keys

Nothing makes me want to hug someone for 100 billion hours more than being a little bit tired

Need a girl to hurt me in ways where she doesn't have to touch me

Call me TAP the way I be folding instantly under any pressure

Doing something <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Being told to so something, then doing it

I am willing to try anything once, even if I don't think I will like it.

Doing mocktober (making fun of people who can't cum for a full month)

Sometimes I read something so good it makes me have to do breathing exercises to calm myself

Call me a newly formed puzzle hunt team the way I'm oblivious to obvious hints

Dacryphile that simply *has* to beat you up till you cry, because otherwise she can't get off

Problematic rank gap relationship

"Locktober", "no nut november" how about you lock in and get some tob~ *interrupted by voice in earpiece* I'm being informed that many of you are already locked in, and that I've misunderstood the purpose of these months entirely