You can mail in your voting ballots ✌🏼 But it’s now illegal to __something normal__ unless you give __exorbitant money__ to the __worst and least deserving people imaginable__ 🥰

Rare win, but let me guess Roberts Thomas Gorsuch Cavanough

This persnickety bitch and her fuckass bob

Looking for The Restrooms at The Shops at Wells Fargo

Staying in a house in Flushing that hasn’t been updated since the ‘70s this must’ve been how Franny grew up

Waking up with 1% recovery on a bachelorette trip in NYC during pride Please gay gods help me

Quick help - does the Omni card work on the MTA buses

You ever click on someone’s IG story like “this bitch about to be doing something wealthy” and then they are indeed on a beach yet again or with new designer goods or on a yacht like playing in my damn face 😩

Clocking in at the Fuck’s Sake offices “Where everything we do is For Fuck’s Sake!”

Happy Pride to the Grand Marshal in the Vehicle of State:

The most dystopian thing that makes me feel like I’m living on Mining Colony Epsilon 0800-T5 are the automated “you are not permitted to loiter here. Please disperse before law enforcement is engaged” ass announcements that play outside rhe Royal Farms Bitch it’s chips and donuts get over yourself

The moment of embarrassment when the Amtrak cafe attendant asks me “how many cups?” to go with my little half bottle of wine Don’t make me pretend there’s someone waiting for me back at my seat lmao. Just the one.

Concepts of a cup holder

Grindr should go one step further and you should be able to point your phone at someone and it should be able to identify whether gay (y/n) and if (y) give you their details Like a Pokédex

Heard a roar and whipped around in my office to see the RAF Red Arrows do a red white and blue flyover directly over my head

Custom caption? Baby I am in the studio mixing a record for at least 45 minutes for a 30 second song clip to enhance the viewing experience 😭

Currently watching a white woman on YouTube tell me that the stars are aligned in such a way that Nothing Can Stop You Now™️ so watch out world!!

Meticulously shaved, waxed, douched, smelling good, outfit on looking for a man, it’s on tonight: home and in bed by 11 Don’t care, trash clothes on, looking a mess, feeling ugly, doesn’t matter, just one drink: will be slinging dick in a strange apartment until 4 AM Who made these rules

It’s called Grindr and if anyone hits me up on there I will absolutely be leaving them alone! I go on there for reconnaissance purposes, stay out my inbox! Email your boss!

Acts of resistance and subversion: skipping the fuckass dumbell side lunge

PT’s Pizza Paradox applies, which states that foods of the same or similar ingredients do not produce the same or similar product and thus cannot be compared against each other. e.g. a Chicago pizza is not a NY pizza. Thus, a hot dog is not a sandwich. A hot dog is a hot dog.

A hot dog and a taco are sandwiches in the same way that squares are rectangles. On a technicality only. A proper sandwich has to be between a top and bottom slice of bread. Cradling within a carb preserves the spirit of the sandwich but it fails the strict authenticity standard.

Broke: if you are born on US soil you are a natural-born US citizen Woke: if you are born on US soil you are a natural-born subject of the English crown (Also this drip is legendary)

Heartbreak is just the comedown from being high on an idea

I am an angel, but, like, the one that was cast out of heaven for challenging the authority of god

Just realized I have been freaking out for years about something that is actually going to be just fine?? And now I can go live my life in peace 😌

Me watching a documentary about psychopaths and how they "prefer to stay at home, don't have many friends and can get very upset over a minor inconvenience"

For people who have been on bachelorette trips before - is it expected/customary to bring a gift? If we’re going to a destination, paying for travel, lodging, activities etc would that be considered the gift or do I need a thing for her to unwrap?

NGL having the World Cup here has been an incredibly affirming and welcome re-engagement with the world It’s not so bad and it’s not forever ❤️🇺🇸🌎

Canada is absolutely wiping the floor with Qatar

Drag name: Gal Pacino

I am actually very nice, friendly, and agreeable once you get to know me, give me what I want at all times, and leave me the hell alone

Went here and it was just coke and prep

A lot of the problems caused by life’s ceaseless labors could be mitigated by a haircut and a vacation

Accepting a job offer like

how long until rfk jr drinks the algae-flavored peroxide water from the reflecting pool

House Tour is a song about sex btw, not an invitation to trespass!!

Sabrina Carpenter got a restraining order against a man (not unusual) who trespassed on her property 4 times since April (a bit overzealous) who believes he and Sabrina are “part of a classified military government program whose union is essential to national and global security” (girl yikes??!)

Girlies Your wedding photos should not be giving “she’s pretty but who the hell did she marry??”

Wine you drink at home doesn’t hit as hard as wine you drink at a restaurant Why

Hi friendly reminder that if youre working with a professional, you talk over them at their leisure & when they interject to stop your circuitous no-knowledge-having, unproductive, time-wasting dithering they arent “interrupting” They’re the driver and you need to shut up and let them do their job

Bsffr there would be drive through abortions ain’t trapping no gay man bb we tryna party in Ibiza

The people who haven’t moved on from the end of slavery really keep reminding us how bent out of shape they are by not being allowed to have a state-sanctioned caste system Get a grip!

Hans Holbein’s artwork absolutely smacks What a fucking rockstar he had the 16th century absolutely TURNT Coming from medieval genres like “have you people ever even seen a cat” and “is this yet another depiction of Jesus?” to have portraits like this? Baby the realism?!?

This is cute

I believe I ordered chicken fried rice as the substitute to white rice with my Chinese order last night but only got white rice … asked Uber Eats to check and if this was the case refund me the $3 upcharge They just gave me the whole meal cost back lmao we ordering out again tn happy pride!

Just think when it happens the whole country will look like nyc tonight

Drag name: Augusta Wind