At the height of his addiction, Kevin Keegan drank 20 bottles of Brut a day. #CelebrityFacts

The Beatles get their A Level results. Aug 1964.

Just eaten some grapes that were a bit tart.

Why do people applaud when an airplane lands? The very LEAST I expect from a pilot is that they can take off & land properly.

Still haven't decided what to bring your mum back as a souvenir..

Wondered where Lionel Richie's bust ended up..

The glass collectors here are hardcore..

Wondered where he'd gone after Eastenders.

Me, when I see the Events Team heading towards my sunlounger.

Last day of relaxing. Bring it on!

I love English signs abroad.

Tonight's titfer.

The building across the way from my room has a ferret smoking a cigarette on top of it.

A pissed bloke who was missing several teeth & was tattooed from head to toe just told me he thinks I look like Noddy Holder. Which is nice.

Just told the Events Team I would rather shit in my hands & clap before joining one of their events but unfortunately for me that was the next event they were gathering volunteers for.

Rod Stewart joins the Events Team at Pontins after his American Songbook albums bomb. August 2001. #MusicHistoryInPictures

I love sitting under trees. It's good for the soul y'know.

Just asked my wife if she minded getting me a beer because I've just got comfy on my sunlounger. This was her response.

The Events Team have just asked me if I want to do aqua aerobics.

Buffets are great. I just had chicken chop suey with pizza, rice & chips with a spring roll. *burps*

Sure I've just seen a bloke who had a tattoo on his back that said 'Mum' but above it was a tattoo of a dog.

*NEW HOLIDAY HAT KLAXON *

Ironically, the most exercise I've had this holiday is in trying to avoid the Events Team at the hotel.

I've somehow ended up watching a one man Beatles tribute act..

Hello. I am on holiday. Cheers.

Ha! Little do they know..

Nik Nak crisps make great staffs for Wizards.

R.I.P. Ozzy

🎵 He's making a list He's checking it twice He's gonna find out Who's having some vice Chris Martin is coming to town 🎵

Of course this isn't the first time Coldplay have uncovered wrong un's at one of their gigs.

"I want to express how troubling it is that what should have been a private moment became public without my consent"

"I want to express how troubling it is that what should have been a joyous & fun filled night away from my wife was ruined by Coldplay"

The reason Gregg Wallace was sacked from Masterchef.

Like all disgraced presenters, there is no career option left for Gregg Wallace except for a job on GB News.

"Is that a pussy grabbing injury?"

The face I'm submitting to BlueSky for verification.

Magnum / Magnum P.I.

It's hotter than a glassblower's arse crack, lads.

Friday.

Kneecap's DJ Provai has hit out over Rod Stewart's Glastonbury performance. "To do a greatest hits set and leave out The Killing Of Georgie is absolutely criminal" he retorted.

I've prepared for a hot day in the office by strapping a Walls Vienetta to each leg.

Donald Sutherland Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978) #OnePerfectShot

If I don't like an artist on Glastonbury, I just turn them off & keep quiet. Apart from the 1975 last night where I watched four songs just to remind myself how shit they are & that Matty Healey is a complete tool.

Pulp were amazing. Shaping up to be a massive year for them.

I've never been to Glastonbury. I think it's because I would rather squat on a chainsaw than go camping.

Watching Alanis Morrisette's Glastonbury set. She looks & sounds amazing to be fair.

The 1975 are basically Danny Wilson for the 2020's

The 1975 are wank: Discuss But not with me, because I think they're wank.