Caleb took over my heart

The fact that I can take my time with moving out reliefs so much stress. I wanted to move out by by the 29th and I was so stressed with Christmas and work but since we found mold on the walls my landlord told me that I don’t have to pay rent for January and I can move in after it’s fixed 🥹

9R // 聖ヤ //HappyBirthday

My cousin and my partner putting in the effort in painting my bedroom walls (it was supposed to be beige and not poop brown but I have to wait until it’s dry) Vs My effort

My first week at the new part-time is over. My co-workers and boss are really sweet and helpful. Still need to get used to working in retail but it’s very therapeutic to sort everything in shelves. Very different from a restaurant job. Working at the register can be stressful but I’ve had worse.

Internet and electricity contracts done. Just need to find a new kitchen, paint the walls and then I can start moving in slowly.

My first Eeveelution card 🥹

I can’t watch makeup tutorials where they slap 10kg of foundation on their face and even worse if it’s liquid oily foundation or cakey dry. My skin starts tingling with discomfort just by watching it and I want to scrub my face for 10 minutes.

How the heck am I supposed to pick an electricity company out of the 77 offers 🫠 I don’t even know which one is good…

My cousin is here this weekend so we’ll start painting the walls in my new apartment tomorrow. I’m still trying to find a kitchen but they are all ugly or too big 😭😭

Creating offline content has been a lot of fun. I can’t wait to stream again once I settle into my new place.

And no one’s talking about him #infinitynikki

How detox looks like

Just stared at my room and went into a crisis. How the heck am I going to bring everything over to the new place? I don’t even want to take down my setup…

I’ve always lived with roommates so having a place of my own for the first time is exciting but also very anxiety inducing. It’s going to be a huge change. If my dad and I wouldn’t fight so many times over things I’d still stay there bc my room is my safe space but now I have to adapt to a new one.

I officially got the keys to my new apartment ✨ moving will be on January 1st. I have two weeks time to paint the walls and pack.

The last couple days restored my self-esteem as a creator. I decided to get my shit together, dedicating myself with short form content since I changed niche and I’m moving so I can get myself back out there. I posted daily on TikTok waking up early in the morning to record, edit and post content.

Had a beautiful weekend in Berlin despite the poopy German weather but I’m happy to be back home with my two stinkies 🫶🏼🥹

We are so excited to spotlight @vizzey.bsky.social Content Focus: Vizzey is a warm, creative cosplayer whose streams blend gaming, art, and cosplay. She shares her fanart, cosplays her favorite characters, and openly discusses her journey with AuDHD, offering support to others.

I was very demotivated with content and couldn’t find what I wanted to do for a long time bc I was too scared to rebuild. But I think I found a path that’s been making me happy. I’m just doing me and enjoying this ride, finding my creativity back. I think this was the sign I needed.

I recorded something today and I thought I had more expression but I was so monotone omg… I didn’t realize it until I saw it but was having the time of my life… why am I not having any expressions 😭😭

Sent my dad articles about autism in Italian and asked him nicely to read them so he could understand bc he kept telling me to find a cure. After I came back home from my meltdown that my brother triggered at work, he got up and hugged me. I hope he understands how much I’m struggling with my life

Coming back home to my safe space after a rough day…

I really missed playing Love and Deepspace. But I had to take a break bc I got frustrated for not getting the limited memories back then after spending so much. I can’t control my impulse. Plus it was such a long wait for the next chapter. This time I can’t be spending a whole salary on the game

So my PC saved so many of the same files on each of my hard drives.. I just deleted over 500gb of duplicated files and my PC is running smoothly now. Let’s hope this was the issue because I can’t afford a new PC with all the moving and Christmas gifts.

Slowly getting back into content. I might post outdated stuff that no one cares about anymore bc it’s been months but that’s fine. I want to have fun and show some presence again, experiencing things I missed out and discover new things. I want my creativity back. That’s my goal.

Almost a year

Ever had moments where you can’t look at yourself in the mirror because you hate the person that you are so much?

Only worked for 2 days and I’m ded. How am I supposed to work at my new job? I’m scared to quit bc of my disability again. When they said 90% of autistic people are unemployed they weren’t joking. I’m trying to work. I don’t want to be a disappointment. How do I live 20 more yrs?

I got lucky today with the wonder pick 🥹

This is so adorable omg..

I was watching my old cosplay videos on TikTok and thought how cool I was. Now I’m so boring and have no value.

Super tired but live with some Forny! I love this new season! twitch.tv/vizzey

Every time I get up, Billo still stays in bed sleeping. I give him the time to still sleep and start cleaning around my room. When it’s time to go potty, I pick him up and he always cuddles up against me like this dozing off again. Old puppy is not a morning person.

3 months until it gets warmer… I used to love winter but German winter is ass. It’s only grey, cold, windy and rainy.

i am not built for the 8-5. i am built to have a million creative hobbies that all make me no money but i get to just create things and vibe

Back then it used to be the Love and Producer + Love Nikki combo. Now it’s the Love and Deepspace + Infinity Nikki combo.

Infinity Nikki is so cute! I’m having so much fun and my brain is positively stimulated. I keep getting distracted by the environment and all the cute things 💀 I kinda want to download Love Nikki again

When you only have two friends in town and no one can help you moving 🥲

I’m having such a strong headache from driving around to look at stuff for my apartment. Not looking forward to pack. I got so much stuff… idk how I’m going to do this since it’s going to be super stressful next week and my partner can’t help much because he’s moving as well.

TRIGGER helped me through the tough times this year

2024 is almost over and I only made my Rafayel cosplay in February. The burnout from content and cosplaying was severe. I pushed myself too much with 12 cosplays last year but I needed that break. I hope I can cosplay again. I slowly got back into content and will continue where I left off.

Oops #hjyj #Mysclasshunters

I have a new part-time job 🥹! My family is super upset bc it’s not within my field of study and they said I wasted my bachelor and making a lot of money but I don’t want to work in media atm and burn out again.

If everything goes well I’ll be moving out in two weeks 🥹 That’s the first time I’ll be having my own place to live with no roommates.

TW old dog I haven’t been sleeping well in the last 3 years bc my dogs were getting older and needed extra care. I lost 3 of my cute puppies in the last 3 years due to age and I’m fine with dedicating my full attention to them bc they have been making me happy the past 17 years. It’s a lot of work.

Ok this new Fortnite season is AMAZING!

Been having very strong autistic traits lately. I’m super sensitive to sounds, touch and taste… it makes me cringe away in disgust or aggressive and everyone sees it as me overreacting 🙃. Maybe trying to get comfort food and stay in my room with all these familiar noises and touches will help.

The new Fortnite season looks fire!

I think I collected 3 million photos of my partner and Billo sharing some cute moments.