Computer! Activate holodeck program 'Launch me out the airlock 002' [Beep Boop] oh SHIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiwhydidiprogramthiiiiiiiiisssssss

Goofy: A-hyuck! Gawrsh fellas, I can't believe we all got our heads stuck in this here particle accelerator! Yoda: Mmmmmm, extremely painful this will be. But peace we must make with our fates. Eh, Dooby-Scoo? Scooby-Doo: Whrat ruh hell ris rong rith yrour vroices?

I'm pretty sure I can single-handedly shut this down with my magnum opus "2 Goofys, 1 Cup"

Me: Here (hands you a bottle of "Ass Explosion Potion") uhhhhh don't worry about the label.

(A sick guitar solo plays as I spend the next 30-40 years fucking around)

Pokémon Honk & Pokémon Shoo

BREAKING: Flavortown, USA has been unincorporated due to having zero registered population. Guy Fieri states he will appeal the ruling. AP

I'm beginning to think that the ACTUAL Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are just four different movie roles that Jared Leto has done Joker and Morbius are DEFINITELY two of 'em

While you were out partying, I studied* the blade** *fucked **orb

Me: Here's a picture of me on my morning run, doing a dance upon seeing the milk delivery; it's my jogging jug jig jpeg My wife: (non-existant) Me: WOMEN, amiright? My wife: (I'm not married)

Congrats to the LA Dodgers for making my neighborhood super explode-y

Idea# 382: Infinite Potatoes Pros: hell yeah Cons: tipated

HALLOWEEN ON FRIDAY THE 31th!!??? Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii *Skeletons Rattling* *Lightning Thunders* *Frankenstein Eating 700 Tootsie Rolls* *Pumpkins Smashing* *Two Ghosts straight up Splorpin'* *Me Stubbing My Toe on every single Tombstone* *Frankenstein Diarrhea*

If you're the Swedish Chef, Halloween means "Hi Penis"

Lettuce Werewolves be like Awroooogula

Everybody knows "Trick" Everybody knows "Treat" But you motherfuckers always forget the third part of the trio: "Trust"

I wanna play Metal Gear Triangle so bad, but I'm dummy thin, and the swooshing of my droopy ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards

Swapping the "Please Take One" sign on the candy bowl and the "I Bought This Before Elon Went Crazy" bumper sticker on the Tesla parked outside

Ain't no rule that says a Basketball can't play DOG, either!! Did you think of THAT when you started down this path, Air Bud????

If they remade Back to the Future today, Marty McFly would travel back in time.

It's raining Cates & Dougs

Daily reminder to dot your I's, cross your T's and explempugnicate your [Unknowable Letter that causes my eyes to turn into goo] Hey wow is it just me or does everything look gooey all of a sudden?

"Hoot!" -Owl "HOOT!" -Wowl

oh SHIT This my JAM

If they made Romeo & Juliet today, it would probably be like "ohh I'm a Democrat and you're a Republican wehhhh" and it would suck superdogshit

Here are some Opposite Monsters, just for fun Dr. Hamburgerstein's Monster Egyptian Daddy Therewolf Vampire (that drinks sweat)

Not a lot of people know this but you can actually eat sand Pass this on to your favorite billionaire friend!

Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, Arab... turns out we're all the same race if accelerated fast enough into a brick wall: Paste 😊

Lights... camera... sevenhundreddraculastapdancingunderthelightofthefullmoon... Action!!

I'm taking up kickboxing except I'm replacing the kicking with regular boxing and also replacing the boxing with chips. I'm eating chips. But, like, *athletically*

@topspinthefuzzy.bsky.social YOOOOO HAPPY SCAREY B'DAY!!!!!

uwu, what's this? *notices ur secret pedophile island client list*

It'b me Birthday!!! Which means on ly one think: you guessdit! I"m's now to old to date Leo Dicarpio

Gloop in the streets, gloop in the sheets

Woke up in the middle of the night with a great tweet idea Today I check my drafts and it's just "AI more like AEIOU biiiiiiiiiiiitch"

Big Beautiful Bill? The only bbb we respect in this house is BOOTY BUTT BALLS

YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR MARKETING SURVEY!!!!! WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING BRANDS HAVE YOU HEARD OF????? - Bees - Bees - Bees - Bees

Please my Labubu, it's sick.

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes Then judge someone cooler, with much cooler shoes Repeat as needed for infinite shoes -ancient Chinese dinner

The Grim Reaper is a skeleton Therefore, he can be turned into JELL-O

spooky month... GO!

I'm making huge strides in the new field I'm calling "Dildo Science" It's basically Regular Science, but with one minor difference

[Text Adventure Game:] Uh Oh! Witch Magic has turned you into a corn dog >Yes Yes

I like that they named battery sizes based on how much they make me scream when I eat them AA AAA C

I don't care if Nintendo gets rid of Bowser but if anything happens to Bowsette so help me GOD i will EAT every single switch 2 on this hell earth!! YES THIS IS A WRITTEN THREAT!!!!!

Oh hey, new trailer for the movie I worked on! Come see it in theaters Dec 19th!! youtu.be/Ma1x7ikpid8?...

Some days you're the horse... and some days you're the horse meat

Computer! Play reverbfart.mp3 on loop, 190 dB, and delete the oxygen from every other room on this ship

Aw maaaaaan my clothes got sucked into heaven and I'm still here :(((( Anybody else get inverse-Raptured?