Science!!!!!!!! (hurls Slinky into particle accelerator)

Call me "Box Office" the way I be Floppin' all over that thing

Idea: "My Chemical Romance" concept album where Gerard Way describes his father saying increasingly insane things to him at the Circus, the Mall, McDonalds, the Aquarium, et cetera

*goes to Disneyland and puts a hidden Mickey inside everyone's intestines*

dropping cigarettes into his mouth like he a baby bird

Inside you there are 2 Pee Wolves In your balls

Let this and the incredible work and results still being done in immunology this year *alone* positively radicalize you. There are people out there care so much and are working so hard to make the world a genuinely better place.

Y'know what, FUCK IT!!!!!! *unshrimps your fried rice*

I've mastered wai-fu, which is the martial art of having massive honkers

I can't believe it's not Butter! Oops! All Butter! Godspeed! You Black Butter

Sweet Jesus! Salty Moses...? Savory Buddha 😏

The Tell-Tale Fart, by Edgar Allan Poo

Me: (math equations swirling around my head) Also Me: CRUMCHY TACOS and BIG BURBGERS!!!

You couldn't make The Office today because Dunder-Mifflin would've laid off 90% of the Scranton branch to boost their stock prices

Ratatouille, but the rat pulling on my hair just makes me fart

I'm starting to think this Wrench ISN'T meant to be used on monkeys

I had a dream that in addition to String Cheese, there was another type called STRONG Cheese that was as hard as a rock. "Who is this FOR!?" I shouted out loud, chewing for hours on end

June the 7th be with you #hahahaha #hehehehehehe #hohohohohoho

My friend is making a VR game and it looks so silly and fun #SummerGameFest youtu.be/DRShkD6cIOk?...

Super Mario: Let's-a Go! Luigi: Weegi Time! Wario: Waah! Sandio, the Mario character who is eternally buried head-first in quicksand: (muffled screaming) Daisy: Hi I'm Daisy! Sandio: (more screaming)

Remember Moo Deng? This is what he looks like now:

Vote for me and I'll vote for you. Deal? #Kony2012

Neglected to post this yesterday but Happy Pride Month!!! To all my homies on every end of every spectrum; the world is better with you in it!

Time Travel. Wait, this is a loop. I shouldn't have messed with

Happy Mina the Hollower Day!

"THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!!!" I say, eating my twelfth straw of the night (they're tasty!)

You're in her DM's But I'M in poop world. Poopin.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Doctor and this is not medical advice." Now replace every word in that sentence with Poowb

My least favorite sex position is Reverse Mortgage My most favorite? Refinancing!

THIS is what the internet is supposed to be

Time to see Project Hail Mary for the 5th time!! #MangodurianAndDoodoo

What if a bunch of skydivers got Rapture'd right above a nudist colony?

Not even the sky is safe from Jared Leto

This is simulating human behavior REALLY accurately! Except the "human behavior" is Uncles when they're 7 beers deep at the wedding reception

"What if I just made a really fucked-up bird?" -God inventing the emu "What if I just made a really fucked-up bird?" -God inventing the platypus "What if I just made a really fucked-up bird?" -God inventing the human

"Throwing Knives" implies the existence of knives I'm NOT supposed to throw. Nice try, deep state!!!!!!!!!

BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! Wowah! My "Cutie Alarm/Carbon Monoxide Detector" is going off! You'd better gimme your number, pronto!! And we should both prob move to a well-ventilated area

I don't know who needs to hear this butt ) )

"In this world, some days you're Wobblin' and some days you're Goblin." -Me, sharing the wisdom I've gained with age (not much)

I can't sleep so I'm playing Mariokart with my Insomnia Paralysis Demon

Everyone knows the Easter Bunny but few know about the Ash Wednesday Baboon. I don't think you assholes are ready for him

Here's a fun riddle for your Saturday! Question: What is deeply unsatisfying? Answer: I don't knowwwwwww!!!!!

Plato's Allegory of the Man Cave teaches us that reality is just shadows and kegerators and a Cruisin' USA cabinet

this is the fourth time we've made Star Fox 1, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it

MILF Mii I'd like to friend

The Last Jedi is unironically fantastic and I predict in 10 years' time many fans will come around to it, similar to how opinions about the Prequels evolved

Thinking about whales, dolphins, porpoises, et cetacea

Hot cowboys say Yaoi-haw It's the Yaoi-law

Omg it's May! Just like from that famous meme!! Brother may I have some oats 🤣🤣🤣

OH NO I THINK MY BUTT IS BECOMING HAUNTED!!!!!!!!!!!