I do not use twitter anymore but I had to go grab a screenshot to continue the tradition of reposting @shamshandwich.bsky.social’s daylight savings post on the correct day to ruin his joke of posting it on new years

Eww! You got your elbow grease in my KNEE SAUCE At least the shoulder juice is still good

found this guy in my n64 game from blockbuster, what do i do @barrykramer.bsky.social #lowpoly #psx

Im at the floor. strait up 'snackin it'. and by 'it', haha, well. let's justr say. My cheesits

This is perfect

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Wuiait thuis waius aui buiad uidea chuiange uit baiuck

The metaphor was unclear so I have a thousand copies of Shakespeare's Hamlet trying to create one monkey and one typewriter. Any day now...

Did you know? An Elephant's trunk is so articulate, if you give it a butterfly knife you will be kicked out of the zoo for what? For WHAT?? MAKING HIM COOLER!!??

NPCs in the new Hitman mission are so friendly :)

Six degrees of Kevin Bacon!? That's WAY too cold for a Kevin OR a Bacon!! Warm him up.

I would die for Pombon. I would kill for Pombon. Either way, what bliss.

"Speed Dating," but at hyperluminal speeds I fly up to the table, awkardly saying hi while obliterating everything in a thousand mile radius with a shockwave of x-rays and neutrinos I don't get a second date :(

Call me 'Geese Sneakers' 'cause I'm all about that HONK SHOO life #sleepy

"Honk Honk" Who's there? "Quack" Quack who? "For fuck's sake, it's me, MISTER DUCK, let me in!"

There will be AI slop all over the Super Bowl commercials. Reject them. Full stop.

important things are happening

Sherlock Holmes: "Pee pee. And... mmmmmmmdare I say..." (takes massive puff from pipe) "...Poo poo." Watson: (lying unconscious on the floor)

while you were studying the blade i was studying the blade. we went to blade school together

Let's go Miami!!!! #nationalchampionship

Goddammit, I laughed too hard and failed "No-Poop January"

I worked SO hard putting all the blue makeup on the aliens by myself!!!

How to Fall Down an Open Manhole In this essay, I

Me: (noticing there's only one set of footprints in the sand) Jesus: (struggling to get a vending machine to accept a crinkled $1 bill)

GOAT: greatest of all time! GHOST: greatest horse of some times

"Daaaad! No one is saying 'Ooga Booga' anymore! It's 'Unga Bunga' now! Stop trying to be cool!!" - A teenager 800,000 years ago

slightly diminish a band Person and the Things

I think Pac-Man had it right I would eat the SHIT outta them ghosts

She Oingo on my Boingo until I Chumbawumba

Metal New Gear

If you start 2026 at exactly 12:00 am today, you can finish the year exactly midnight, New Year's Eve 2027!

Leaving out cookies for Santa, raw milk for Satan, and uncooked ramen for Santana (my sleep paralysis demon)

Happy Fuckmas! ...sorry, technically it's "All Fucko's Eve

got his ass

It hardly feels real, but after 3 years of grueling post-production, AVATAR: FIRE AND ASH is now playing in theaters! I can't wait for you all to see what this incredible team put together. It's WILD

The invisible hand of market economics won't stop high-fiving me!! My face hurts!!!!!

"Uh-oh! Meesa horny for murder again!" -Jar Jar Binks, about to fail his "No Bombad Oopsies December" challenge

@onsta.bsky.social HAPPY BIRPSDAYYYYY ✨️

shared universal knowledge

I'm bringing back "Great Googly Moogly!" in 2026

To this day, @michaelbarryte.bsky.social cannot read this piece without crying from laughing

1 in the pink, 2,811,630,994 in the stink Uh oh

Aw yiss time for a... MIDNIGHT SNACK!!!! (shoves an entire roll of paper towels down my stupid throat)

(Samus found the other door but DEFINITELY wasn't allowed to use it)

Me: My synonyms are he/him Her: You mean your pronouns? Me: Who said that?? Ghosts??? (In this joke my head is stuck in a sock)

My sexy fantasy wife, in lingerie: "I'm not wearing anything underneath this..." Me: "Well DUH! That's how all clothing works!"

Happy Yesterbirthday to my Brother in Time, @barrykramer.bsky.social!!! youtu.be/NqbrIb4BMHM?...

This year's birthday video for my brother is the longest, most insane thing I have ever made. I can't wait for you all to see it tomorrow

Oh no, Step-Turkey! I'm stuck in all these mashed potatoes! Omg what are you doing, Step-Turkeyyy mmmmmnnnn

ChatGPT is NOT alive and yet it IS stupid? God’s mysteries confound us all!