So apparently when it’s cold and quiet and the air is really still, I can hear Big Ben chiming from my flat!

Trying to find a work in an economy that is actively hostile to the very idea of employing people is so darkly depressing. Please sir! A morsel of servitude so I can feed myself for a day?

Back to work Monday mood.

The cheek of it, on NYE too! 👴🏼

Happy New Year one and all 🥂

Last day of the year so what am I doing? Cleaning the fuck out of my flat and getting my life in order to hit the ground running on 1st January, that’s what.

Why do my parents need 3 fridge freezers?

Happy Cold Cuts Day

Obligatory post crimis crimis sammich

Strong contender for Best Uncle this year

Please tell me it’s normal to perform a smudging at 2:20am in your pants with the lights off because you can’t sleep and you feel the bad juju in the room 💨 📖🙏🏻

If being middle-aged is feeling excited over the delivery of the Dyson you got 50% off on Black Friday Sales, then fuck it, I am middle aged.

Grow bitch, grow!

I just ordered a fridge freezer because it was a bargain but it’s not due to arrive until 12th January. Can I wait that long or should I cancel and order a different one?

It’s crazy the things you’ll find on Amazon Black Friday sales 🐶

It’s crazy the things you’ll find on a Black Friday sale 🐶

SHA1-HULUD really screwing my day 😒

This guy’s TikToks have brought me so much joy, anyone wanna join me at Hyde Park on Saturday?

Wait is Stranger Things out tonight at 1am or tomorrow night at 1am?

Trying to do a nice thing for a friend and what do I get? Stuck in a loop. FU Epic 🚮

Supportive affirmations from straight friends just hit different 🫶🏻

I’ll take that as a no 💁🏻‍♂️

It’s most definitely grey sweatpants season in the gym this afternoon, god damn are you smuggling fruit down there or weapons of mass distraction 🍌👀 #IsaidwhatIsaid

How everyone’s Replay ‘25/Spotify Wrapped is going to look next month

The Feud had so much potential, started of funny, satirical, interesting production..then it fizzles out into every other WhoDunIt/crime drama. Did they change director/producer halfway through?

It feels so good to have a kitchen again

Is it unreasonable to ask my (upstairs) neighbours if they could keep the kids quiet while I wfh? Bear in mind, they should be in school and they’re clearly not off sick.

He remembers everything you did to him, and the day of his vengeance approaches.

Friends fear he’s too ready to make questionable decisions

I feel like my block is being punk’t. There was only 1 here earlier, they appear to be multiplying 🍋‍🟩🚲

I’ve been way too much of a responsible adult lately so I had to buy some Funko Pops. Because ⚖️

I could cry. No more microwave meals for Paulie 🔥

I fucking love cheese & pâté season

So my family are denby collectors and when each of their kids have bought their own home, they’ve got them a different set as a house warming gift…I live in a 2 bedroom flat…did they think I was opening a halfway house?!

Feeling all the FOMO tonight. I need more local friends.

It’s Friday, why am I feeling so miserable

Like, I really don't wanna harp on about it all the time, but holy shit tech companies are making it really fucking hard to enjoy literally anything at all anymore. Everything is fucking garbage. Everything has ads, subscriptions (with quarterly price increases), everything crams SHITE AI into it.

Opened a bottle of red to celebrate. And yes that is a tube of poly filler next to salted corn nuts and gardening sheers. I am a complex individual.

I have a problem 🍜

When this banger comes on, it still gives me Just Dance Lockdown PTSD 😰

Started using this stuff less than a week ago and my skin has never looked so good. Totally worth £1.50

Day 12 of buying my dates flowers until someone buys me flowers 🌹

Hello sexy sock weather

Does anyone know where I can get plain black prescription contacts by next weekend?

Halloween costume ideas? Let’s be honest I’m probably going to do something lazy like rip the sleeves off a flannel shirt, wear a harness and say I’m a werewolf

Does anyone have contact details for an electrician in south London? Need an oven switch installed asap, before next week if possible

I can deny the truth with filters no longer. The time has come.

Why is the trailer for Toy Story 4 in Norsk and why can’t I change it?! For a moment I thought I was having auditory hallucinations!

Trying to send this sore throat straight to fiery hell

Welcome to Orwell’s nightmare