Pew pew 🔫

Waiting for my mate to finish work and I’ve put myself into a food coma 💀

But did you pay the pit tax?

I literally only came in for asparagus ffs. Every time.

Tickets secured for Lucy Darling, I could cry with excitement 🥹

I should just learn my lesson: no flavour will beat White Ultra, this stuff is gross.

I’ve lived in Stockwell for over 5 year and I’ve only just learned that this walkway has the best acoustics. Don’t mind me while I live my best Main Character Moment

Anyone out there got a PS5? I need some more gaming buddies 👉🏻👈🏻

Can we talk about how beautiful Yahya Abdul-Mateen II yet? #WonderMan

People that say, ‘pre-prepared,’ make my teeth itch 😬

Marvel’s Wonder Man is fantastic. Ben Kingsley must be protected at all costs 10/10

No, you’re crying in public because of a post it note 😭

Nothing has aged me quite like trying to figure out how to use my PS5 this weekend, having not owned a Sony console since the PS2 💀

Pizza and DnD 🍕🎲 😁

I watched 28 Years Later last night and I was shocked to find just how moving it was. I was expecting 120 minutes of gratuitous violence, not a heartfelt tear jerker 🥺

Realtalk..how are you supposed to dispose of kitchen knives? I’ve had the same set for nearly a decade, bought a new set and don’t know what to do with them. Do you just bin them? Is that legal? Do I need to find a knife amnesty bin?

Okay so I’m really ill, to the point I’ve had to call 111 and now they’re sending a paramedic and now I’m very conscious of how messy the flat is but I’m too sick to do anything about it 🙃

Finally losing my Smallville virginity, 25 years later

How have I only just discovered Fage yogurt? Heartburn, be gone!

So apparently when it’s cold and quiet and the air is really still, I can hear Big Ben chiming from my flat!

Trying to find a work in an economy that is actively hostile to the very idea of employing people is so darkly depressing. Please sir! A morsel of servitude so I can feed myself for a day?

Back to work Monday mood.

The cheek of it, on NYE too! 👴🏼

Happy New Year one and all 🥂

Last day of the year so what am I doing? Cleaning the fuck out of my flat and getting my life in order to hit the ground running on 1st January, that’s what.

Why do my parents need 3 fridge freezers?

Happy Cold Cuts Day

Obligatory post crimis crimis sammich

Strong contender for Best Uncle this year

Please tell me it’s normal to perform a smudging at 2:20am in your pants with the lights off because you can’t sleep and you feel the bad juju in the room 💨 📖🙏🏻

If being middle-aged is feeling excited over the delivery of the Dyson you got 50% off on Black Friday Sales, then fuck it, I am middle aged.

Grow bitch, grow!

I just ordered a fridge freezer because it was a bargain but it’s not due to arrive until 12th January. Can I wait that long or should I cancel and order a different one?

It’s crazy the things you’ll find on Amazon Black Friday sales 🐶

It’s crazy the things you’ll find on a Black Friday sale 🐶

SHA1-HULUD really screwing my day 😒

This guy’s TikToks have brought me so much joy, anyone wanna join me at Hyde Park on Saturday?

Wait is Stranger Things out tonight at 1am or tomorrow night at 1am?

Trying to do a nice thing for a friend and what do I get? Stuck in a loop. FU Epic 🚮

Supportive affirmations from straight friends just hit different 🫶🏻

I’ll take that as a no 💁🏻‍♂️

It’s most definitely grey sweatpants season in the gym this afternoon, god damn are you smuggling fruit down there or weapons of mass distraction 🍌👀 #IsaidwhatIsaid

How everyone’s Replay ‘25/Spotify Wrapped is going to look next month

The Feud had so much potential, started of funny, satirical, interesting production..then it fizzles out into every other WhoDunIt/crime drama. Did they change director/producer halfway through?

It feels so good to have a kitchen again

Is it unreasonable to ask my (upstairs) neighbours if they could keep the kids quiet while I wfh? Bear in mind, they should be in school and they’re clearly not off sick.

He remembers everything you did to him, and the day of his vengeance approaches.

Friends fear he’s too ready to make questionable decisions

I feel like my block is being punk’t. There was only 1 here earlier, they appear to be multiplying 🍋‍🟩🚲

I’ve been way too much of a responsible adult lately so I had to buy some Funko Pops. Because ⚖️