When your plumber noclips mid job

Last night I had to explain ‘homophobic lighting’ and ‘why we (gays) don’t use the Big Light’ to my very straight lodger and honest to god his reaction was worth every moment of it

Lord, grant me the serenity…

Wow, they really didn’t want to make Euphoria S3, you can literally feel the reluctance in each scene. Not to emotion that series fuck-you finale.

The absolute passive aggressiveness of Revolut letting you send gifs to people

I might be a labourer no but I am still a basic gay at heart

I honestly don’t know if I love or hate this 🍺

First day tired commute face

Pothos pre💦

Walking down the street, hood up, blasting Creed in my eardrums. Main character moment in the throws of first act drama was felt.

I made jam. That’s it. That’s the post.

Shut up Freud, I just needed a late night snack

This tastes funny **checks packet** ..muthaf…

Hammy’s back!

I cried at the thought of going to the gym this afternoon. I’ve gained so much weight over the last few months, I’ve undone all my hard work and I have no motivation.

Real talk, would you buy this if it was on a t-shirt?

Not the electrician pointing out and laughing at the liquid silk 💀

Walking back from the gym through the park, and I stg the grass on my toes is healing

This is what living with an ally looks like

Rainforest Wednesdays 🌴 🪴

This morning horn is killing me 🥵

Me and who’s son

Excuse me, can someone tell me why the Fruit Shelf is empty apart from the straights today? Not a shirtless bear in sight!

I’m not crying, you are! IYKYK

I’m revisiting my Fall Out Boy on full volume until I can feel something era

Sold.

Me: I think I’ve pull a muscle in my back Lodger: want a Rennies? 🤦🏻‍♂️

Why does day sleep feel so much better than night sleep maybe I’m Australian

The way my playlists like to give me whiplash 😵‍💫

Forgot shops would be closed today so emergency chicken thighs it is 🍗

Cut myself shaving. I’m 33 for crying out loud.

You love to see it. Can you clear down your inbox? #MailboxChallenge

Can someone explain why today feels very ‘dance around the flat to Owl City whilst doing the housework’

Good lord I am ✨feral✨ at the moment 🥵

Paras must have a good PR team because what do you mean this is the angry little c*nt who terrorised me in Legends?

FaceTimed my mate and she answered, in public, without headphones. So I did the natural thing and started hollering; ‘hey everyone look at me, I’m taking a private call in a public space because I have no regard for society!’ I’ve never seen someone blush so hard so fast and end the call 🤣

Pew pew 🔫

Waiting for my mate to finish work and I’ve put myself into a food coma 💀

But did you pay the pit tax?

I literally only came in for asparagus ffs. Every time.

Tickets secured for Lucy Darling, I could cry with excitement 🥹

I should just learn my lesson: no flavour will beat White Ultra, this stuff is gross.

I’ve lived in Stockwell for over 5 year and I’ve only just learned that this walkway has the best acoustics. Don’t mind me while I live my best Main Character Moment

Anyone out there got a PS5? I need some more gaming buddies 👉🏻👈🏻

Can we talk about how beautiful Yahya Abdul-Mateen II yet? #WonderMan

People that say, ‘pre-prepared,’ make my teeth itch 😬

Marvel’s Wonder Man is fantastic. Ben Kingsley must be protected at all costs 10/10

No, you’re crying in public because of a post it note 😭

Nothing has aged me quite like trying to figure out how to use my PS5 this weekend, having not owned a Sony console since the PS2 💀

Pizza and DnD 🍕🎲 😁