ooh, flappy bird.

can i have a go? i *love* vintage tech. the games are so simple. in high school, they used to call me the fruity ninja.

an ipad . . . sweet! watcha playin'?

what man?

yup. i won't go any closer than a samba.

oh, sure, happens all the time. folks don't know when to stop. it's dangerous. one lindy hop is all it takes to enter a life of crime. the v.p.d. instruction manual is *very* clear about this.

what about, like, a funeral where someone got trampled to death by jazz musicians? ooh, or got crushed under a ton of instruments?

what? i'm just saying there's no but! you're perfect. 😎👍

no but!

i'll do my best, ma'am. ( a salute. )

*crippled*? we better get you some help! uh . . . do you know where we can find a doctor?

huh? ( wiping his mouth with his sleeve. ) aw, geez, uh, sorry ma'am, i must've . . . closed my eyes a little too long . . . don't worry, i'm on duty!

mmmmwha? i'm awake!!!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

aw, geez, i thought that was for me . . . ! okay, let's see. i've got . . . a toonie . . . a spare button for my shirt . . . some lint . . . ooh! and a safeway club card! i forgot i had that. awesome!

replace what?

CDR. VYSENA N. HUX / VYSENA N. NADULÍR — Daughter of Vulloia, hidden in the shadow, set alight by the stars. ✦ STAR WARS RP ✦ OC ✦ AU FRIENDLY ✦ CANON/ERA FRIENDLY ✦ FIRST ORDER ERA/EMPIRE ERA

oboy, is that for me? yim yum! 𝙎𝙇𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙐𝙍𝙋.ᐟ

sure, my buddy eric did that!

i can think of a couple more pancakes i could eat. yum!

boy it sure is quiet in the tardis lately is it just me or is someone, like, missing???

i needed a slug of rotgut synthetic, an oxy-tab that didn’t bounce, a month in a biodome with real clouds. i needed a condo on a world with a night cycle. what i had was a moth-eaten trench, a felt hat, & a .38 air-thumper that leaked oil. i checked the cylinder & kicked my way out into the smog.

sasha valentine. here's my card, sugar. ( a card somehow finds its way into your hand. )

the space mob . . .

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ hey. wanna take a ride? ㅤ

can we get a pet for the tardis? like . . . a tardis puppy? we can take them for spacewalks!

what's that? one of your old-fashioned flirting things? cute.

*ice hot* . . .

hey girl/guy/they, wanna come back to my place and play PINBALL?

aw, geez, that's ice hot. i've *always* wanted little, like . . . rockets in my feet, y'know? it would be *so* cool to be able to fly. how'd you do it? i wanna see!

IS THIS REAL????????

( stopping. ) the people on board here. where'd you come from?

hey, so, do we, like, know you?

uh, well . . . i mean, i'd love to, but i'm kinda busy right now. i gotta go the gym!

do we . . . know this guy??? why is he in the tardis???

( tilting his head to the side, squinting in thought. ) well . . . i mean, why?

sure. why?

like in a sexy way or a serious way?

just remember: i'm in your phone so i WILL find out if YOU break the law.

one of? there's only *one* book in my life, it's got everything you ever need, eff yeah!

i like this book 'cos it's got lots of pictures to go with the words. still not as good as the v.p.d. instruction manual, though.

the who what?

attorney? what are you, a bajillion? we haven't had those since, like, the seventeenth century or whatever!

. . . ma'am, have YOU ever been in a house?

look i'm just saying we stopped needing stuff like houses a LONG time ago!!!

( laughing. ) what kind of question is that? . . . . . . . . . . . . ye-e-e-e-essssss . . . ?

why is everyone asking me if i've been in a house before?

it's 'cos the uniform is *way* cooler. gotta 'rep my team!

( he did not understand any of that. and reader, neither did i. amir blinks blankly. ) . . . yeah, that's why i'm wearing the uniform?