sometimes it’s difficult being a girl with a collector mentality. (if you’ve been to my house, you have somewhat of a grasp on what that means. jim henson memorabilia, vinyl, plush, art prints, comics, faux taxidermy, cameras, … japanese sofubi figures… )

shit. i realize now i’ve hit another trans girl stereotype, quite by accident: gundams.

that there’s one big robot.

that’s a big mountain out there.

no shit, this is station that tried to isekai us

it’s sleeting in rural chiba. which is a new one for me. had a windy almost snowy sort of walk to the train. which had a whole almost ghibli vibe to it. a 50+ year old train. a conductor blowing a whistle at every stop. only two cars. an adventure.

hello from 2026? that’s weird. i was asleep at midnight. and i’d been asleep for almost three hours at that point. 😂

we should try and meet up, strangely i’m in japan too.

downside: up at 6:30 upside? 13/14 hour flight? can sleep on the plane. after the two hour airport drive and then another couple hours before getting ON the plane.

this bitch (me) couldn’t boymode effectively if she wanted to. it would take actual effort.

am i slightly apprehensive about leaving the country? a bit. but it’s less about the leaving and more about the coming back. this is my first international trip in six years and the first since name change and passport update. tbf: last trip, they didn’t think my passport was mine.

ran errands today. doing stuff around the house. tomorrow? packing again. getting things together. and then tuesday? get up early and go spend several hours on a plane.

adventure… time???

well. i left my parents house at 8:30 this morning. and got home just before midnight. driving. solo. am exhaust.

a long long time ago… i got a priest collar shirt because i thought it would be funny. i should figure out something to do with it. i still have it.

hey chicago metal people: who is going to Agriculture and Knoll at the empty bottle in february?

i need to work on playing out of town more this coming year. maybe try & play chicago again. (haven’t since 2018) and i want to bring chicago bands to my city. i have a list of bands i want to play my scene. i want to tour again. but im not sure how feasible that is.

note to self (as a reminder) they’re staring at you because you are over six foot tall and have pink hair and large holes in your ears. not because they suspect you’re trans. they’re too thrown off by everything else to get to that point.

ok. 2026 is the year i really get back to music. i have a shit ton to write and record. in multiple genres.

realization: where i live used to have a BIG heavy music scene. 15-20 years ago. these days it’s small. four or five hardcore bands. some metal bands. but when two of those hardcore bands are fronted by queer people? feels notable. (mine and another fronted by a gay cis man)

it snowed overnight in mass. i got up about 6:45 & heard sounds outside. my parents were shoveling the driveway & had… cleared my car off. compared to so many of us, i have been really fucking lucky with my family. it took years, but my dad is legitimately trying too. actually using my name.

14 hour drive home. looong day.

full disclosure: i have a timber wolf fursona. literally her name is my second legal middle name. but i am a cat. girl. a catgirl. oops.

did i make progress this year? ehhhhh. well. not in transition. relationally? yes, definitely. but this year has largely felt like stagnation on most (but not all) fronts. and i’m not really sure how to shake that.

ever since i came out, my mom has tried to give me at least one thing distinctly gendered at birthdays and christmas. this year was a humpback whale necklace. (if you know me, you know how much i love whales. humpback whales in particular)

finishing up wrapping presents (ok. they were wrapped. but needed ribbon and labels for who they go to) and remembering how many years i addressed the “from” as something nebulous. like to: my dad from “the tallest” or something like that.

mmmmm. christmas eve estrogen.

SURE… when cats make biscuits, it’s cute! but when *i* do it, it’s “hey. stop pushing on my tits. that kind of hurts. and not in a good way. ouch! why did you bite me? could you clean up that coffee mug you just knocked over? i only drank half of it and now it’s seeping into the carpet!”

i never would have expected Nelson Mandela.

oof. intentionally misgendered … in my dreams? that’s one way of waking up off kilter.

growing up, my parents wanted to try new foods and … my brother and i were horribly picky eaters who really hindered that. tonight i took them to their first ethiopian place. and they took to it very quickly, scooping up the food with the injera like they’d been doing it for years.

🖊️ Why did you transition? Wrong answers only. I blame Anne Rice for making queerness seem sexy. also vampires. because that’s the next step after transition, right?

Quote with your favorite pic from 2025. This was Sunday, but this was such a great day.

i know too many people in ska bands. that’s odd. dad jokes local legends public serpents something to do the von tramps five iron frenzy…

ok, but like… why do i just not look good in lingerie? i can’t figure it out. i want to. but it just doesn’t… work.

quote with your favorite pic from 2025 bisexual lighting ftw

quote with your favorite pic from 2025 it was really hard to pick just one

quote with your favorite pic from 2025 i think this is it. probably.

TFW your ex wife is gay as fuck. (they just sent me couple pictures with their GF in front of the millenial falcon at disney)

i can say: my dad is actually make a valiant effort to use my name and the right pronouns. and after this long… it’s a huge relief to finally reach that point.

well then. looks like that big game that won all the indie awards had a couple of them stripped for using AI. including game of the year.

checked my sleep records for the last couple weeks. it’s very not wonderful. averaging somewhere between 4 and 5 hours a night. yikes. no wonder i’ve been feeling so tired lately.

(vegan) chicken and bacon. black olives. some seasonings. i’m ready for this to be in my mouth.

anyways. enough complaining. the attempted rebrand as “not depressed/complain posting… posting about positives instead” is more difficult some days. pizza for dinner?

welcome to the US: good luck ever having insurance if you don’t take a regular corporate job. what’s that? you want medicaid because privately buying insurance is ludicrous cost? yeah. you can’t have that either. no. we won’t give you a reason. you just can’t have it.

potentially new… music project? maybe. we’ll see. old roommate (who fronted a power violence band we had together) is talking about doing something new. with a coworker of his. and maybe me. would be harsh. and noisy. like Water Torture or something.

in honor of returning to the land of my youth, i’m just listening to massachusetts bands. currently: Coma Witch which was preceded by The Acacia Strain next? unsure. i’ll figure that out when i get there. maybe Transit? or Warm?

hello massachusetts you’re very cold. why are you like this?

boooooooooreddddddd almost five hours left of driving.

i am absolutely hangry now. i needed food and they gave me shit i can’t fucking eat.