Today I learned @sarahxelizvbeth.bsky.social is a LOT better at Mario than I am 😅

apparently like.. an 8 or 9 to strangers until you get to know me and realize i’m actually like.. a 2. supposedly. (*I* think i’m a two or three)

i just realized that the photos i’ve been posting have been… unmasked. BUT… for the record… masks were removed for selfies (or the saber pictures) and then put right back on. cause this girl… doesn’t go anywhere unmasked.

i also built my lightsaber. 💜

star tours did a scan looking for a rebel spy… who was … me.

Han said he liked our vibe and threw us the keys

Travel update: Disneyland is awesome and we’re building lightsabers tonight 🥰 That is not a euphemism…

help help! i’ve been … kidnapped is the wrong word. i haven’t been a kid in a long time.

the sarahs are now in california. for a few days.

“i need someone to shove the oven back in” (overheard)

2001 2002 2010 2016 2021

in less than 24 hours, i am officially on vacation with @imsarahnow.bsky.social until next monday. this is my first real vacation (that’s not… a long weekend) since 2019.

well. i WAS going to wear this to halloween horror nights for the fun of it. but i checked universals dress code and “fuck” falls afoul of their guidelines. so guess i’ll have to wear it when i grocery shopping instead.

i know somebody who self collared themselves. with an infinity collar. it was meant as symbolic that the only person who could them was themselves. i don’t know. that idea has some merit, tbh.

ok. where can i watch D(e)ad? i guess i expected it to be on dropout. but it isn’t. and i’d like to see it

for being a girl who was … a goth boi in the early 00’s, which was followed by a raver phase, before settling into scene kid for a while. (a long while) i’ve never been to a rave since coming out. or really anything edm related. and never been to a goth night anywhere.

one of these days, maybe i’ll have an experience that cancels out the rest of my NYC experiences of “ok. this was fine for a few days, i am more than ready to leave” not that i’ve had a BAD time, per say, but… i don’t enjoy new york. the food is always amazing. past that it’s… maybe not for me.

dear brain: you are skinny. like definably so. your body still managed to grow well shaped rounded B cups. be happy with that. stop wishing for more. (to be clear: i don’t even want much more. just a bit)

ooh. maybe i should try and get the CU merch online today. on bandcamp. all the analecta merch is online. (i’ve sold all of one thing that way, but still) but there’s also Chin Up! merch. all this shit taking up space in my house.

time to play: migraine? caffeine headache? or just,.. passing brain pain?

you know, i’ve been playing in bands for 25 years. toured. played hundreds of shows. released digitally, on cd, on vinyl and on tapes. and yet… never done a music video. not once.

ok. a week from tomorrow, who’s going to Godot/Apophy/Teeth Kids and Ameokama in chicago? cause last time i was at that spot (for ameokama) the only people i knew there… were in bands.

kinky? i … don’t really even know what my kinks are. pretty sure whatever they are aren’t related to self harm, though. at least i’d like to think so. if i could figure out what they are.

this is also true online. and conversely, i cannot tell when someone is flirting with/at me either. so generally just a loss on all fronts there.

if i ever meet you in real life and you thought i’d flirt with you? oh no. that’s not gonna happen. not because i don’t want to necessarily, but because i have no idea how.

random facts: • i was 18 before i saw a movie in a theatre • i grew up without a tv • i’ve never played DnD • i have zero interest in MtG • i was married for 6 months. • i never had a prom • my high school graduating class was 19 people • my first tattoo was a promise to myself to never drink again

i did not do… today. and when those days happen, it feels like an incredible waste. yesterday was nearly the same. but some days it’s just … hard to function at all.

i …uhm. i have never once done karaoke. but then, i suppose… there’s a lot of things i’ve never done.

in raising myself in transition, i feel like i missed out on… an awful lot. random little milestones that just weren’t a thing in my life. or larger experiences that i’ve never had. i… it makes it feel like somehow i just barreled off path again like everything else in my life.

huh. i think i have passed the marker of posting old photos. pre-transition stuff. it’s out there. i’m not hiding it. but also, if i do comparisons? it’s just for me. as a reminder. not for everyone to see.

i haven’t lived there in 25 years. but damnit will i always be a massachusetts girl at heart. it’s where i was raised. and it’s still, in my mind, home. despite living in the midwest for all that time.

sex so bad you leave the country and vow never to return.

my freshman year of college, i had two roommates. one who died our first semester. and the other… i’m still friends with. my sophomore year, i roomed with a junior with neon yellow hair who loved punk and ska. after him, i never had a dorm roommate again. sometimes i wonder what happened to him.

lazy vegan biscuits and gravy (on just toasted english muffins instead of biscuits) for dinner. tasted good at least? probably will have it for breakfast tomorrow too, since there’s plenty of leftover gravy.

sometimes i wonder why… i came back here. why i stay in most of the discords i’m in, or why i even got invited to multiple regionally based discords nowhere near where i live. it’s all just reminders of community i don’t have. people always hanging out together. out doing shit… so why do i stay?

reality: these things are nice to imagine. most of us will likely never have them, i don’t think.

spent the last few hours laying in the dark. now what?

it’s not been a bad brain day. it’s been a bad brain week.

… sure would be nice to really know what IRL queer community is like. cause nearly 9 years of transition and i still haven’t found it.

realizing that locally i have a lot of acquaintances, but really only two people who i ever spend time with anymore. a married couple with a young kid. who i haven’t hung out with in two months. … no wonder i feel so alone most of the time.

well. here’s the thing. i don’t like horror movies as a rule. not most of them. i like *bad* horror movies. but like… when they’ve been MST3K’d (pod people is hilarious) my favorite horror movie… isn’t scary at all. Army Of Darkness. liked Cabin In The Woods a lot, though.

well. that’s a complicated question. physically: no. my dating history is all over the place with size and shape and no pattern. emotionally: much more so. i tend to gravitate towards creatives. and people who are driven by their passions.

addendum: i *was* invited to a thing tonight but declined. so that one is on me. but it is a huge rarity to have that happen.

tbh, it’s a weird trend. to be asking somebody to essentially write them fantasy porn about … characters who are real people. and not … something i’m gonna do.

easy: your shapeless void.

ok. i got one. but… what about me makes you think i know wrestling or … would want to answer that question? like yes… i know who rhea ripley is. but.. no. i’m not answering that.

ok. ex told me she took a friend to their first ever show & a two-piece trans grind band from chicago played & they finished the set making out. which SOUNDS like Frotted to me. BUT she said that didn’t sound right & didn’t remember the name. anybody know who that might have been?

home alone on a friday night: do the thing. or not. i’m not your mom. no. no. i don’t want to be your mom. i made a very conscious decision to not be a parent and you can’t make me!! ngl.link/sarahxelizvb...

it would be nice to have friday night.. or saturday night or weekend plans. but… outside of work weekends, i almost never have plans on weekends.