It is delightful that the press release about my new gig hasn’t gone out yet and I’m already getting nice case referrals from my former (always in my heart) colleagues on the bench.

The Lenster is extremely excited about birthdays in general and his in particular. He wakes up every morning and confirms, “Lenny birthday not over?” No, I promise you, baby, you did not miss it. There will be big fanfares for days in two countries.

In case you think you can be anonymous practicing law in the fourth largest city in America, I got approached by someone who recognized me because she was a baby federal prosecutor on a case I briefly handled 10 years ago. However you are, it follows you, so be not a jerk.

Mistakes were made. Apparently I have to pay a $100 duty on the cool new work bag I bought for my husband’s birthday. They let me know after it had already shipped. Officially tired of winning.

Let’s be clear. The “they” in this sentence is the law and the “little fights” are domestic violence, which results in 1,300 deaths and 2 million injuries per year.

Someone told this janky Houdini cat that he would make a good hat.

Coffee shop vibes

Me in my motion hearing

I’m thinking of doing a deconstructed mixtape on TikTok with the songs I listen to as I write, really leaning into my former DJness. It would be fun even if only 8 people see it 😆

Early a.m. appellate jams: “Now” by Mates of State —— youtu.be/2m3g8LIoPXE?...

Happy wedding Friday-YAY!

The Lenster learned greetings in Spanish at day care yesterday so I asked him, how do you say hello in Spanish? He looked at me like I’m a dope and repeated, “Hello in Spanish.”

Why should the federal system quit being cashless and make people pay bail bonds? What end does that serve?

The Lenster watched The Blues Brothers, his first movie, last night. He was absolutely rapt. This feels like accidental parenting gold.

Sometimes opposing counsel behaves so poorly I’m tempted to make them a binder of the ethics rules and tab and highlight the relevant portions for ease of reference.

Had a wedding but my timeline was thrown off by sick toddler. I don’t usually wear my Asian grandma sneakers to important events. Dress for the job you want, I guess.

I am officially “excited about cute progressive readers” years old.

Shout out to the expert who told me I was so nice he doubted I was a lawyer.

That feeling when someone uses a screengrab of you on the bench in a TikTok about how a raccoon is a deadly weapon. www.tiktok.com/t/ZT6AymfQk/

I managed to say no to two things today: (1) speaking to a different group of judges on a brand new topic two days after the first group I agreed to speak to; (2) being in a stranger’s 48-hour film project competing to go to Cannes. #babysteps #accountability

Man, I am so so bad at saying no to doing CLEs. I told myself that I wouldn’t do any more but here I am going to Galveston to talk to the county court at law judges about jury charges.

Happy Wedding Friday!

I don’t how anyone did four weddings and a funeral because after one of each, I am so done.

This janky Houdini cat hates productivity!

I am trying so hard not to laugh when the Lenster requests “The Itchy Bitchy Spider,” but am only partially successful.

The only good thing about this is that I got to play my husband the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell song because he had no idea what I was talking about. youtu.be/EQ8ViYIeH04?...

We are sandwiched between joy and sadness today. I love celebrating Father’s Day with the best Papa around but it’s our first without my father-in-law and we are feeling the loss. A pic from less complicated earlier times.

Me, upon finding out that my Friday 4 pm emergency hearing is cancelled

For way too long I thought that chopped liver was HUMAN liver. Like there was this quiet corner of acceptable cannibalism.

This smooth criminal who was maybe never going to walk again and wouldn’t eat anything just hopped on the bed and slid the ham out of my sandwich and downed it in one graceful motion as I sat here in shock. It’s cool, buddy, I like cheese and tomato sandwiches just fine, knock yourself out.

Tuesday is the big day! I’ll be interviewing the Sandra Day O’Connor of Pakistan, Justice Ayesha Malik at the First Court of Appeals in Houston! If you’re not able to join us in person, we are live streaming via zoom link below and doing a live on TikTok (@ judgelandau).

I still can’t believe this ol’ boy Houdini jerkface showed up a week ago after stepping out for a month. He did tangle with a coyote or chupacabra or something but it’s looking like he can keep his tail.

Gomez update: He got some sort of bad animal bite on his tail and he may have to have it amputated :/ But he’s in good spirits and is soldiering on despite the cone of shame and a messy tail.

A month to the day after he bolted out of our house, Gomez Addams was returned to us! In the lost cat poster, I noted he has a splotch in the shape of the state of Ohio on his back leg and the lady who found him is from Ohio! Holy cow!

If you have ideas about what questions I should ask the first woman justice on the Pakistan Supreme Court, please comment or message me!

A fun holdover from having been in criminal defense for 12 years is that your unconscious brain wants to type “probable cause” instead of “proximate cause” every. single. time.

I can’t believe the first woman justice on the Pakistan Supreme Court is coming to Houston May 20! You should definitely join us for an enlightening conversation, free ethics CLE, and a tea reception to follow! RSVP link next post.

When I first moved to Texas from New York to clerk for a federal judge, everyone at the courthouse told me that the court is a family. I was extremely skeptical but all these years later, I can say it’s 100% true.

The president should do like my dad when I was 12 and assign them a book report on Ulysses over the summer.

We are older than the parents here with their kids at the d4vd show.

The baby keeps yelling, “Punch it, Margaret!” every time he’s in the car.

This sweet couple had a big week with the groom’s graduation from the Houston firefighting academy and their wedding! Congratulations, L and J!

Several calls from our lost chonky tuxedo cat posters. Alas they have successfully located the little skinny tuxedo who lives next door and is not lost. :/

Our newly-rescued elderly tuxedo cat bolted on Tuesday night and we still haven’t found him.

Me at a St. Vincent show: *minding my own business while wearing weird glasses* Bartender: Are you someone famous? Do I know you? Me: Absolutely not.

It's getting buried, but Houston will almost certainly not have representation in Congress until January 2027. Democratic Rep. Sylvester Turner died nearly a month ago and Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott has simply decided not to call a special election to fill the seat.

Today I judged four rounds of moot court at South Texas College of Law and we maintained our 100% safety record (i.e. no one died.) Thank you, Professor Vukadin, for having me!

Speaking at a free Star Wars-themed CLE on the Sixth Amendment? Yes, please! I’ll be there talking about one of my favorite topics, Batson v. Kentucky. Come join us in Houston at UH-Downtown!

Curious what he was avoiding in Texas with his dark money investment in our intermediate appellate courts?

So we took a driverless taxi for the first time! The steering wheel turn was a little unnerving.