Doug Bayne
@rattleplank.bsky.social
đ€ 28
đ„ 37
đ 30
Just letting you know that in an actual street fight, paper does not beat rock.
If I could be any animal I'd be a human but a really good one.
about 6 hours ago
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I have to assume Big Bird does a lot of loud shrieking at dawn.
1 day ago
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I hate how itâs the future but the only thing I use lasers for is to play with cats.
3 days ago
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âJoin usâ whisper the dots.
3 days ago
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I might have narcissistic imposter syndrome. âCause honestly, Iâm smashing it as an imposter.
4 days ago
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4 days ago
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Hang on- these âTriple X bunsâ are just hot cross buns turned 45 degrees.
5 days ago
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Youâd think taking a bird on an airplane would teach it some humility but no.
6 days ago
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Iâm trying to swear less so instead of calling people âcuntâ I ask where I can hear their podcast.
6 days ago
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Jump in puddles. Tomorrow that water will be a cloud but nowâs your chance to kick it while itâs down.
7 days ago
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Is it just me who finds kidsâ cakes creepy? You love the little mermaid! Now cut Ariel up and eat her. No wonder our kids all grow up to be cannibals.
8 days ago
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People get so upset over words. I don't even like to say the word "word". I've been calling it the w-word but that doesn't really solve the problem.
8 days ago
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I donât even know how you can call it a balloon. Itâs like 99% not balloon.
9 days ago
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Victor Frankenstein sews a bunch of body parts into a monster, brings it to life with electricity. That monsterâs name is Frankenstein. I mean, whatâs the option? A really long hyphenated surname from all the graves Victor robbed?
9 days ago
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When baseball was invented we were probably fighting enemies with tiny heads.
9 days ago
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I hate how we call animal organs "offal" like we were expecting them to be good.
9 days ago
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yeah, I would be really brave except none of my outfits go with medals.
13 days ago
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It's weird that our money only works here, right? Like... itâs money- It can get you pretty much anything but its one weakness is the ocean.
13 days ago
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If life gives you scurvy, that's kind of on you.
15 days ago
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a gold rush town, in the days before nuggets were chicken
17 days ago
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Met a pro surfer. Now I'm pro-shark.
18 days ago
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If I was a tree Iâd be pretty shitty at stick insects. Get your own morphology.
20 days ago
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Carrots. Real pretty shade of orange for something that was planning to spend its life underground. You knew you were coming up.
21 days ago
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reposted by
Doug Bayne
donni saphire
24 days ago
âEverything happens for a reason,â I explain as a small horse gives you a haircut
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The hottest food we know of? It's called 'chili'. Fuck you, somebody.
21 days ago
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Brownies taste great, especially considering their big selling point is that they're brown.
22 days ago
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You look worse and worse as you get older but cheer up- everyone looks cool when theyâre a skeleton.
22 days ago
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you reached the end!!
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