Hmm the Krusti Gnome needs another 30 for HMU

"you can't kill us all" fuck yeah minneapolis

😔 feel awful for the people of Venezuela, and…

We throwin sandwiches y’all!

MAGA baseball fans, root for California or Root for Canada?

If the final score of the World Series is 6-7 it might trigger the apocalypse.

A police pursuit went by the world series. Is this the most LA thing ever?

How long do we think that Ballroom is going to stay part of the White House?

I sat down with the WSJ to discuss how international production tax incentives have destroyed the film industry in Hollywood.

I can’t wait for the tariff free, government approved films that come out in 2027: Stone Cold 2, Commando 2, Die Hard again, Invasion USA 2, Facepuncher, The Misogynizer, Punchicizer, Tank Top Justice and Montana Man

Ok I’m calling bullshit. Everyone’s writing stuff on bullets now? A) There’s no way to prove that wasn’t put there by an ICE agent themselves B) They only write on one of em in the middle of the clip C) Very on the nose for the messaging

This Autism thing is going to be an insulting and embarrassing debacle. But you already knew that.

Might wanna put a short Disney tomorrow

In cafe abyone is lookong

I really hope this Charlie Kirk thing doesn’t escalate to more violence.

My hallway has been gross since I bought the house. There was an old air conditioning duct jutting out of the ceiling. I removed and patched that hole. Today I painted and now I only have to hang my barn door and this hallway is done! Before and after:

Bomb-ass breakfast sandwich by me!

Posted without context

If you see this, post a robot

Putin spoke first. Wow

My prediction Dear Leader sells his compliance to putin by giving him mineral rights in AK and claims to have stopped the war and goes back to demanding a peace prize under threat of more violence.

Anxiously awaiting how dear leader will try to justify the horrific plans he is cooking up in Alaska

Growing up in the 80’s really came with a whole lot of mixed messages. It’s no wonder we’re all screwed up!

This is masculinity too

Every pundit and activist saying “They can’t do that!!!11!1!!!” For the past ten years. We need ACTION! We need a general work stoppage nationwide, across all industries now. Not a plan, not a summit, not a press conference, not an op/ed, not a movie, not a book, not a fucking meme… WE NEED ACTION!!

Whenever I come up with an idea, I can always count on my family to tell me to drop it because a giant corporation will come and steal it from me. I really appreciate the constant discouragement and lack of support!

That’s a wrap! Look for this on Amazon Prime next year. Woot! Now who’s hiring?

RIP Hulkster

Wow Hyundai ain’t playin

I saw Superman tonight, and it’s a blast! My only issue is that, as a critter who gets powers from the sun, why is his Fortress of Solitude in Antarctica, which is dark 1/2 the year?

🤘🏻😭🤘🏻

All the shitbag excuses that keep coming out make me think of this scene from The Blues Brothers

Lotta bad stuff has happened in the past few years, but we can all agree that science's trend of "let's shine a UV light at every animal and see what happens" is an unadulterated good.

As tourism and the economy crumble, I am banking on Las Vegas loosening their odds to attract more visitors. Then we cash in!

Got good news today! Five days of prestige feature film work this month! That’s all I can say about it for a while, but I will shout it from the rooftops when I can. Yay!

I see a big federal crackdown on cannabis in our future

Let the Alfred Nobel foundation know if you think a certain someone should get the Peace Prize or not…

Geez, now I’m kinda hoping that Elon DID scrape all the government data

My new theory: Soon, all of the people rounded up will be offered deportation to a foreign prison forever, or to work in traditionally low paying labor positions. Since they rounded up all the workers, this will be the only answer for employers. They label them criminals and this is 13th Amdt legal.

I’m assuming now that the new fed approach to natural disasters is that you can rebuild your house on your own, without an insurance payout (which you still pay for), or sell it to real estate investors for pennies.

Jay Leno was drivin around Burbank today

Two brain cells fighting for third place, I swear.

Welp, he dropped the F bomb on camera. I knew it was inevitable, but now we’re here.

Meanwhile at the Hall of Doom… 🧵

If you need a distraction, check out this tri tip I nailed

Delicious proof that the LASD was shooting the LAPD last night

The last remnants of my 1960’s swamp cooler is out. Now to patch it all up!

I called Senator Padillas office today and thanked him for his brave and bold action. We need to encourage them when they stand up.

Lookin’ real good doofy