( A groan. He scrunches up his eyes, hiding his face in the palms of his hands. )

I think I win.

Hassam PLEASE come pick me up.

Nah, babies and I don't mix. You can't play apostrophe words!

My niece plays better than this, and she's a baby.

'NOISEY'? 'JTIED'?? 'ROER'???? C'mon, man. Can you even spell???

What kinda word is 'UGAG'?

Hey, hey, woah, woah, this is exactly what I'm fucking talking about, man. We haven't even left and you're already calling us stupid! No wonder you haven't got any friends or bitches. If we're not *going anywhere*, then there's no rush, so we can get lost. That's, like, basic logic, or something.

And I'm, like, barely even a little drunk. Lucky you. But Danny's reading the map, I can't be dealing with your passenger princess bullshit the whole way.

Don't be a dick. It's my car, nobody gets to drive it but me anyway.

We'll see about that. Hey, if we're looking for a ride, we can take my old deuce and a quarter. I'm telling you, they just don't make cars like her anymore!

( Without missing a beat: ) What things? Like, my guitar? Where're we going?

Pssh, I mean, if I *wanted to come*, you couldn't stop me anyway. But, uh, no, it's-- It's fine, man, it's cool. If you wanted me to come I woulda got an invite already . . . But it's fine that I didn't!

Aw, c'mon, dude. Don't make it *gay*. That's *weird*. I'm fine. Better than fine, actually. And you are too, with your weekend WITHOUT ME.

Dude, I've got, like, five people on my phone, and I'm pretty sure Orson blocked me. I mean, it's not hard competition.

Another Valentine's Day alone AND THEN everyone is going out and doing shit and touching grass together WITHOUT ME???

No it's fine that you didn't invite me like it's cool I get it it's just my two best buds going on a weekend trip without me which is fine like it's whatever.

C'mon, dude, cut the gay shit and crack!

I'm ready bro.

Yeah okay sure man.

Eh . . . I dunno, man. Already have, like, a bajillion times.

i already know that, *duh*.

And 𝐍𝐎𝐖, the 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 you've all been 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 . . . Put your hands together for 𝐙𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀 𝐙𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐀 .ᐟ

ㅤ ❝I am 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒂 𝒐𝒇 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒓𝒂, last of the amazons, daughter of Circe, princess of Hell, witch of the wild isle. And you will not have this world while I still draw breath!❞ ㅤ

Somehow, Joel returned.

#Liked #Reposted

URGENT!!! TIME SENSITIVE!!! RESPOND ASAP!!! hey does anyone know how to get out of escape rooms

@agentajla.bsky.social Call the hit off. Daisy says she'll stop using the blender.

Hey yeah uhhhh quick question I wanna get a couple of these for work, how do they hold up against *juices*? 'Cos, I mean, I gotta say, there's a lotta juices in my line of work.

You could. How should I know?

Aw, man. Not again.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK MAN. I PAID LIKE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS FOR THAT!!!

IS THAT MY FUCKIG JACKET?

I went ALL in on Bitcoin, man, so, like . . . Three dollars and a USB. But I'm telling you, ONE DAY, this shit's gonna hit the MOON.

Sign ME up!

Well now I'm fresh out of ideas. Okay, okay, wait, don't tell me, don't tell me. Barry Allen. That's the kinda name some crusty old guy would have, so . . . Henry Kissinger? Now that I gotta see. Could you imagine Henry Kissinger solving crimes?

Wait, no, don't tell me! I'm super good at these games. Is it . . . Obama?

This is *exactly* what I mean, 'cos what are you even *talking about* right now? Like what? I'm telling you to stop getting high and you're screaming about books or some shit??? Like what???

D'aww, shucks . . .

I think you should lay off The Weed That Makes You Paranoid for a while.

Me? 🥺👉👈

Oomf is lowkey racist about Canadians???

Nah, he's just some guy. Well, I mean, I guess it depends who you ask, but really he's just some guy.

I AM kinda like Jesus . . .

What a year.

I dunno. I think that's kind of normal. Head's like farting and walking away - it's only fun if you're the one doing it. Not something you wanna be a bystander in.

Yeah man I guess so. Yeah I guess that is what would happen if you tried to get a blowjob in a Denny's booth. Yeah.